Evening Republican, Volume 21, Number 140, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 29 June 1917 — SMILES [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

SMILES

Second Choice.

“I understand your son intends to devote his life to art.” "Well, he did intend to, but when I made it very plain to him that I had no Intention of devoting any of my money to the cause, he gave it up and decided to go into the insurance business.”

Net Woman’s Friend. "Sunlight is a great thing.” “It’s no friend to woman.” “Why not?” “See what it does to her complexion, and besides, they do say its chemical effect disintegrates the hacking of mirrors in a comparatively short time.” High Cost of Wives. “Don’t you love me any more, Herbert?” asked his wife, in tears, after he had made a few caustic remarks about the dressmaker's bill. — ~ “Yes, Indeed,” answered the bank that was usually broke. “You are very dear to me.” The New Way. “Aren’t you ashamed to let your wife run you out the house trying to beat you ?” “On the contrary, I have her at ,my mercy by executing a strategic retreat which has foiled all her plan of action.”

Strange Happening. “I saw a man with a crowd around him, go up to another man and deliberately knife him without a single one’s interfering.” “Was he a Black Hander?” “No; he was a surgeon.”

Strange. Hicks —When I came out of church Sunday I found my horse tight asleep in the shed. Wicks—Why, he couldn’t hear the sermon out there, could he? Explained.

“Dad.” said the youngest and, most Inquisitive, “what Is a flesh reducer?” “The butcher is the most consistent,” explained his dad. “He is able to reduce the quarter’s «worth a little each day.”

The Reason. “Whenever there Is any trouble going on, people want to make me the goat.” “Then why don’t you stop butting in?" Don’t Save Anything. “I have no patience with some people who are always complaining about the high cost of living." “No?” “When a staple article of down five cents a pound, all It means to them is another nickel for the movies.”