Evening Republican, Volume 21, Number 132, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 20 June 1917 — Kin Hubbard Essays [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

Kin Hubbard Essays

VACATION DAYS

Jifft as Lase Bud wuz startin’ fer Silver Lake this mornin’ on his annual vacation his canoe, Minnie, wins attached fer th’ costs o’ his first divorce. Thus we’re reminded that th’ vacation season has roiled around agin. Folks that has skimped along all winter on turnips an’ watermelon preserves are checkin’ out ther savin’s fer fishin’ poles, white shoes, foldin’ cots, gasoline, cottage rent an’ boat hire, while they allow th’ easy payments on player planners, sewin’ machines an’ diamond rings t’ lapse int’ Innocuous desuetude. Pale thin husbands are borrowin’ their own money on twentyyear policies at eight per cent an’ plannin’ t’ git away an’ train back t’ ther ole forms agin. Dried up lawyers wearin’ th’ court room palor an’ alpaca coats are arrangin’ the’r vacation

Itineraries so as t’ bunjp into a few National league games. Department store girls are organizin’ int’ little clumps t’ giggle all th’ way t’ Put-In-Bay er Mommoth Cave an* back. Young wives who have tided over the’r first winter In harness are packin’ ther pasteboard suitcases fer extended visits back t’ mother where they kin git a little sympathy .an’ review th’ past in peace, while flat-bred babies are shrinMn’ an’ witherin’ fer th’ open air while ther parents are tryin’ t’ mortgage th* golden oak davenport fer enough t* git t’ th’ woods. Whether you work er live with your wife’s folks ther is no tonic like a change o’ scene. Careworn stenographers who have held t’gether on doughnuts all winter should seek th’

rugged grandeur o’ th ß - mountains! where they kin familiarize'’ ’emselveei with th’ commonest rules' 7 o’ spellin’; unobserved. Th’ gnarled an’ tired! farmer, whether he be o’ broad er nar-‘ row means, should lose himself among, th’ stately sky scrapers o’ th’ congest-* ed city, fer away from th’ din atf] clamor o’ his panting’ flocks. T* most o’ us a vacation is only al change o’ venue, but even a change <r venue removes us from th’ same oil tiresome courthouse square, an’ th” same ole tiresome delivery horses, an* th’ same ole prominent citizens —th* same ole in th’ same ole* nickel the-ater o’ our daily lives. How quickly anything out o’ th’ ordinary awakens new Interest an* causes us fer th’ instant t’ fergit all th’ petty annoyances o’ th’ dally grind.

Th’ sight a’ some majestic mountain., th’ sweet strains o’ a Venetian band, er some strikin’ bit o’ architecture ’ll often transform a crusty bookkeeper;; er bring th’ luster o’ a new phaeton t* th* long dormant eye o’ th* steady employee. Even a new blond trimmer *ll quicken th’ pulse an’ cause one t* emerge from the beaten rut if only fer th’ instant. t Some folks act like they were puttin’ one over on th’ welfare o’ th’ community when they take a Ther’s never any noticeable let-up ini th’ machinery o’ business while some indispensable feller is fishin’. Progress never feels th’ vacation period, an’ yet when some fellers git back from a little outin’ they expect t’ find desolation an* ruin.

THE WEEK-END VISIT TO THE COUNTRY /

In an article in this month’s “Hen an’ Home” Miss Fawn Lippincut says: “With our modes of quick transportation now so available t’ all has developed a natural aversion t’ work, th’ Saturday half-holiday an’ a deep root: ed hatred fer th’ indoors. Now comes a happy solution o’ th’ unbearable monotony o’ a week-end in th’ stuffy city, with its overcrowded street cars an’ merry-go-round parks. A week-end in th’ country! This custom has been pop’lar fer ages with our English cousins. Fer one who does not care t’ tango on th’ broad verandas o’ th’ road house, er git pickled at a sticky table under a fan, ther is no diversion so thoroughly delightful as a week-end in some quiet rural retreat. So, accordin’ t’ all indications, ther seems t’ be no escape fer our country relatives. “But one should not set out on a week-end visit t’ Uncle John’s without

bein’ thoroughly qualified t’ look after the’r own entertainment, for th’ farm is a busy place where lulls are few an • widely scattered. Fer th’ jaded clerk, yeller stenographer an’ crusty business man ther kin be no more restful enjoyment than a quiet snooze on a barrel stave hammock In th’ cool shade o’ a taulphy hawkin tree where th’ rattle o’ th’ cash carrier an’ th’ clatter o’ th’ typewriter never penetrate—where th’ only sound that disturbs our delirium i» th' hum o’ th’ bees or th’ tattoo o’ th’ gaily plumaged woodpecker as he plugs away on th’ tin-capped cupalo o’ the farm bouse. Trier are many ways t’ enjoy one*« self on th’ farm without Interferin’

with, th’ milkin’ er takln’ Aunt Ude’s mind’ off her work. Ther’s egg huntin’ in th’ hay mow, drinkin’ butter milk from a gourd, explorin’ th’ dark recesses o’ th’ smoke house, revelin’ in, th’ mysteries o’ th’ silo, delvin’ inf th* inner workin’s o’ th’ hen house, th* charm o’ crankin’ up th’ cream separator, studyin’ th’ amusin’ contour o* a new calf, marvelin’ at th’ graceful dips o’ th’ chicken hawk, notin’ th* etiquette a’ th’ field hands as they dine al fresco on th’ back porch, an’ gatherin’ daisies along th’ mossy banks o* th’ crystal.stream aA it sings its way through th’ velvety meadow. Where no stream is available one may gather Bouncin’ Betty’s as they nod in profusion in th’ fence corners. “Indeed a bright tin whistle for Master John, a sheet o’ rag fer Annie, one er two nickel se-gars fer Uncle John, er pair o’ black lisle rnits fer Aunt Lide, is money well invested; when we consider th’ invigoratin’ air.

th’ sodtless blue heavens’ th’ towerin* biscuits with apple butter, fried Rhoda Islands an’ elderberry pie. It’s worth all th’ gasoline er ear fare it takes, believe me. " '“Ther are some things t’ remember if you are piannin* a week-end visit t* th’ country? Don’t depend on your aunt fer talcum. Milady’s week-end travelin’ bag should contain (besidea those articles which she would of course take with her on a trip T Mt Vernon, er any place which would require her f be away from her gold ftSh two or three nights) a spool o* white thread No. 60, an*, above all, a pair of wire cutters.” (Copyright, Adams Newspaper

Jist as Lafe Bud Wuz Startin' fer Silver Lake This Mornin’ on His Annual Vacation, His Canoe, Minnie, Wuz Attached fer th’ Costs o' His First Divorce.

“Notin' th’ Etiquette o’ th’ Field Hands as They Dine al Fresco on th’ Back Porch.”