Evening Republican, Volume 21, Number 129, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 16 June 1917 — HASHIMURA TOGO [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

HASHIMURA TOGO

DOMESTIC SCIENTIST

by WALLACE IRWIN

TOGO MAKES DISHCOVERIES

Dear Mr. Editor: When Hon. Chris Columbus dishcovered America, he do so at his own risk. It are muchly the same with Gen. Housework all persons must be entirely careful about what they find out, because they can t always do something with it. I know because I try. My last former address was home of Hon. Mrs. J. B. Cluck, Canton, O. I am now employed there as an absentee. - This Hod. Cluck lady suddenly approach up to me last Tues. a. m. • •ay with voice, / "Togo," she say'so, “I am delightful reader or this newspaper." “You are one in several 1,000,000,” I snatch back, with expression of rapid circulation. “In this wonderfully home-made paper,” she divulge, "I are frequently •uprlsed to read one department what tell considerable knowledge to ladles what require to make housework unexpected. “It seem insulting' to sell so. much wisdom for so small price," I contuse. “Recipes like this,” decry Hon. Mrs., “are good ways to know. Every servant girl, whether male or female, should read this department & attempt to do so also. New things can be thought of only by thinking of something new. Therefore, remember I expect you to make some useful Dlshcovery each week you are in this home.” With such language, she suddenly eloped away, leaving my hands in thoughtful dishwater. With frequent occasionality, Hon. Mrs. Cluck approach and dement. “You find that dishcovery yet, Togo?” Wedsday pass, Thursday pass while Fryday & Satday proceed in similar manner. At last it was Sunday. This Sunday are devoted to stay-home amusement by Hon. Cluck, who are a bald-haired gentleman of medium oldness. He spend this vacation by setting in slippers and enjoying quarters he is too busy to attend to other days. When these is finished, he reads comical supplements until fatigued by humor, when he spreads Hon. Comic page over his bald hair and commences to snore. “Oh!!” This from her. “If I could dishcover some way for to keep you from going to sleep every time you sat in that chair, I should be submerged by much gratitude.” I was standing in next room near keyhole trying to listen when I axidentally hear her make this dialogue. Zizz!! Intellectual flash arrive to brain: I should make one dishcovery what would give Hon. Cluck happy-home wakefulness when setting in that chair. Banzai! I stogger backwards with Edison feeling of thumbs. Next a. m. while Hon. Mrs. were absentee at Dept Store squandering money on hair-pins, I approach Hon. Chair where husband love to dream. With artistic hammer & nails, I attach Hon. Chair to rope in next room which were pulled by neat derangement of pulleys. He were a Mawruss Chair, full of pads and very fat, and I was proud to see the expression of calm comfort what he wear while setting there awaiting happy home-come of Hon. Mr. Cluck. At 6:47 hour, Hon. Cluck return back In usual mood of joyless anticipation. He say several nouns expressing lateness of Japanese cookery, then he remifve off coat, collar, neckbow & shoeware, expecting to put on house slippers and smoke-jacket and manufacture comfort. "If Togo shall take till breakfast preparing dinner, I shall go to my Mawruss Chair and enjoy slight kitten nap,” Hon. Mister glump. “If you had more regular profiles, you would be a sleeping beauty,” contuse Hon. Mrs. “If this home was run right, it would not be run down! combust him. “If you was not a fungus, you might be a genius,” detone her. I were deliciously relieved to hear them talk that way, because I knew they would get interested in unpleasantness that Hon. Cluck would forget to go sleep in Mawrus? Chair until after dinner was ate. And then I would have time to show my dishcovery. And so it was. While I prepare what hash I could find, Hon. Cluck spent time pacing backwards and reverse with Expression peculiar to Admirals on

July 4th. At lastly dinner set himself on table while Hon. Cluck devoured trig dinner amidst usual steam-roller grumbel about my unhappy cooking. “Can’t you recall some sweet language to make marriage pleasant? renag Mrs. Cluck, “Marriage are only pleasant when he are asleep, he peruse, looking cxpectfully to Mawruss Chair. When it come to pie time, I could already observe dormatory expression of lodging-house crowling over fatty 1 face of Hon. Boss. Yawns by him. Stretches. At lastly, he arose upwards', lit cigar, rubbed his tired business eyes & started for library. “I think one slight little nap in Mawruss Chair will prepare me, fee say to Wife. — “Prepare you for what?" she dlb back at Hon. Husband. “For fco to bed,” he resnort. He make sluggardly walk toward Mawruss Chair Now I knew it were time for activity, if my dishcovery would be useful So I ran with silent of cats toward other room where end of rope was. Through library door, I could see Hon. Chair setting there with dimpled pads. I grabb rope detatched to pulleys what led to Hon. Chair. Next thing I could see Hon. Cluck back up towartis Chair, stretch lovingly, and crouch his knees as if intending to set down. But he wasn't. YANKS!!! With hero strength, I pull rope which cause Hon. Chair to aidle backwards on castor. Consequence of this was large. Hon. Cluck, suddenly dejected from his set down, fell on his collar button, arriving to carpet eo hlppoponderously that entire home were jarred loose. “O darling Mr, Husband, are you gone?” require Mrs. Wife, lopping over Mm with heroine expression peculiar to Mary Pickford. ' "Can’t you tell lam here by the noise?” he gubble. “What spirituous medium has came here to pull away my chair wlth unseen hands?” “I do it!” I explode with great quickness suddenly emerging forth from curtains like prlma-donna making first entrance when band play with great exuberance. you done It?” Both Hon. Mister and Hon. Mrs. spoke together. "It was fault of you & dally newspaper,” I snuggest to her. "Did you rot tell me every servant girl should make dishcovery of something needed In the home?” "Perhapsly I did," Hon. Mrs. rosp back with question-mark. "Did y O u not tell Hon. Husband s6mething must be. did to keep him from deeping In Mawruss Chair after big dinner every day?" "I said thusly.” "Well!" This from me. \“I have cooked up an Invention what will keep Hon. Sir from all snores. Reward me, please!” — ... For immediate payment, Hon. Cluck arouse up with voice peculiar to zoology. He annexed me by the seat of my collar & left me outside, where 1 stood long time. — Mr. Editor, if you wish this dishcovery for your household page It will bo wours for the cheapness of dirt. ■ Hoping you are the same, ■ >- Tours truly, HASHIMURA TOGO. (Copyrtsht, by Frees Bureau.) ,

"I Did It,” I Explode, Emerging Forth From Curtains Like Prima Donna.