Evening Republican, Volume 59, Number 122, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 8 June 1917 — HASHIMURA TOGO [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

HASHIMURA TOGO

DOMESTIC sciewnsf

by WALLACE IRWIN

TOGO COAXES DOWN THE COST OF LIVING Dear Mr.: Please address all letters to Flnehelmer Employment Bureau xhere lam looking for It, as usual. Sorrow for me. Sometimes I think lam like a shoot-gun, merely made to be fired. When last seen I was employed at home of Mrs. Ethel McManus who reside with her husband. Mr. Ethel McManus at Honeyvllle-on-the-Hudson. They are a very matrimonial couple of people. They were married only a short time of yore. Therefore they are living in midst of wedding presents which they are trying to use as furniture. How superflous! duties," she- -atter, ■ "is to-keep higk-eeet-ef— taring as low-down-as possible. I expect you to buy food for our home, and to purchase it with Much financial cuteness that everything will cost less than formerly. When Hon. Beefsteak cost 28c per lb. I expect you to. chide him until he become more reasonable. Hon. Chicken must walk down from his 37c •perch if he Wish to join us at our table. Potatus, string-bean, butter and salad must also act less haughty in their prices If they wish to associate with us on billof fare. Could you manage tb is for our household ?’’ I “Japanese are great diplomatists," I report. . ... .. • - “Each morning after dish-wash ceremony is over & Hon. Furnace is fed flor the day, you must. promenade with_ basket to market where High Cost of Living resides. It Is useless for you to squander $2 here & there in reckless provisions. I read in newspaper this morning how one delicious and nourishing lunch for 3 persona might be bought for 50c, Including cost of gas to cook It with. I shall try it today. My Hon. Aunt Augusta are expected here at noon. I require you to make miraculous meal for her. Here is 50c. Take it and be economical.” ■- —- “I could not be extravagant under those circumstances,” I renig, compressing the H dollar to my pocket. “Be as hasty as possible,” she beseech when I depart. “It should take no time to make 50c go a long ways,” I encourage. I shall saunter among markets making storekeepers jealous by my independent behavior. Then I shall promenade homewards and commence to cook.” I do so and this Is what I done. I spent 5c trolley fare aad arrive to shop of Hon. Fritz promingnt_ “butcheryT l discover this wealthy meat-person standing befront of his store making sweet whistles. “O Hon. Mr. Sir,” I commence, “your soul feels very musical this morning.” . “A butcher’s soul is like his sausage,” he confab, “full of strange and wonderful surprises. Also I must feel slightly poetical because Spring have arrived to my store.” “Spring,” I snagger. “Ah yes,” he say off. “Beholt the signs of Spring in my window. I notice several. One say: “SPRING LAMB!—Marked Up to 42c.” Another say, "SPRING CHICKEN— Formerly 18c. Reduced to 27c.” •‘Have you'got any food for sale that is less ostentatious? I acquit. “Cora beef,” he report. “That homely dish can be obtained for 22c per lb.* “I shall take 1 lb. please,” I order. “Umpossible!” he disorder. “My corn beef come only in 5 lb. patterns. My soul drop back, completely slabbed. “Ain’t you got something that I can buy for 15c?” I gosp. “How you Insult me!” he gollup, wiping meat-ax with rage. So I depart off before chop occur. _ ; —— It was now 11:30 by clock-time and I had not yet obtained that 50c lunch. I spent 5c more trolley save arriving at Nusbaum’s Butchery. This leave me 40c with which to do so with. “What you got for 15c which is sifficient to retain 3 persons, mostly lading I ask from Hon. Nusbaum. He look to me with fatty eyebrows. “I can give you 3 nice mutton bones for that price of money,” he report ■■Can food be made from mutton bones?” I ask it. “If properly prepared,” he renig. I stand with my 40c remainder on sidewalk and wonder what next Ah. Vegetable lunch Is most delicate for invalids and full of economy. Therefore

I shall go to place of Hon. Cyrus Goldthwaite, groceries and vegetables. I arrive there by trolley, which cost 10c because I lost my transfer. This su tract me down to 30c. “What wish?” require Cyrus Goldthwaite, with spectacles. "How much would 3 potatus cost?” I negotiate. I was sure those vegetable would be nourishing, because Irish eats them and remains quite warlike. “They come in all sizes,” suggest Hon. Goldthwaite. “Give them to me about ladies’ size,” I suggest, because I knew they was lor a ladies’ lunch. Hon. Goldthwaite hand forth 3 gentle-looking potatus. “23c,” he require. , , “O Hon. Groceries!".! abject. “Ladies cannot live on potatus alone. I got with which to obtain lunch tor 3- From this I must extractive for trolley home-trip. What biU-of-fare can I purchase for 25c remainder? “Sardines,” he say, “are nourishing but they tastes lonesome without crackers These rare fishes cost 20c per box and sifflcient crackers to chaperone them would cost 7c. This would leave bonus of 3c for salt. Or if you would think it more delicate you might obtain % lb. cheese at 18c and 1 potatus at 7c.” I am completely puzzled by this arithmetic. ( "Maybe I should telephone to Mrs. McManus and find what is, I say so. So Ida so. . - .1. - 4“HuHo!” ... „ “This is Togo.” “O!” Chillbite voice. wish to ask, please, whabyou would prefer as nourishment? would 2 potatus and one box crackers seem more sifflcient than % lb. cheese and 1 potatus?” “For which meal, please?” she snlb. “For lunch, please,” I expose. “Togo!” holla blond voice from telephone, as it is now 1.45 in p. m. guest has already went elsewheres in search for food, I can see no sensible ratio in your ’ horseless remarks. How dare you show your face at my telephone under such conditions?” more calm to me,” I besearch. "You sent me forth with 50c to save from food. I done so— ls your guest went-away-without lunch, she saved you that much. Which were very economical. When you subtract 25c from my traveling expenses you will still have 25c for profits on the day. Thusly I save you from your luxuriea.” '. ——— - taUring a vacuum," she strangle. “There is one luxury you Awl! save me from in future.” “Which luxury is that, please t’ I deploy. “You!" she snagger abruptly. . Bang-up for telephone. Hon Goldthwaite charge me 10c for that telephone. Which show that Hah price of talking is also increasing rapidly upward. With my remaining wealth I advance hopefully forward towards Fine. Minier Employment Bureau which I am always welcomed. BOHM rw »r. U>. •*»>•. .. Toun> HASfIIMURA TOGO. i XOopyvtstit, by latemattoaal Frew ftuwu.)

“Ain’t You Got Nothing I Can Buy for Fifteen Cents?”