Evening Republican, Volume 59, Number 105, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 24 May 1917 — Kin Hubbard Essays [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

Kin Hubbard Essays

NEW HOPE FOR THE FARMER

It wuz a message o' hope which Miss Germ Williams, editress o’ “Th’ Hen & Home.” delivered t* th' members o’ th’Aristie Ridge Grange last night. After payin’ a beautiful tribute t’ th’ silver spangled Hamburg, an’ incldentally Callin' attention t’ th' inestimable value o’ parched corn as an incentive t’ lay. Miss Williams spoke in cl*.’ most optimistic manner regardin’ th’ efforts now bein' put forward looking’ t’ a still closer comminglin’ o” pleasure an' plowin'. She said that th’ day wuz not fer distant when th' irksome duties o’ th’ farm would be minimized t’ such a degree that they would in no way interfere with 1 ' croquet an' motorin’.’ r I] . .77"? .. . - “Th' exodus from th’ fields t’ th’ citles." said th' speaker, “is doin’ much t’ cut down th’ operatin' expenses o’

th’ farm. Agriculture, unlike . other professions, will never be overcrowded on account o’ th’ plowin’, an' those o' you who are left behind will eventually enjoy a monopoly o’ the food producin’ business o’ th’_ country.” Miss Williams congratulated her hegrers on th’ fact thaLJjbLpresentJtariff schedule makes it possible fer a farmer t’ enjoy Argentine beef without feelte’ like he wuz robbin’ lumsudf After a long an’ interestin’ description o’ th’ winter beaches o’ America an’ th’ witchery o’ th' tropical sun.

Miss Williams discussed certain aspects o’ Paris and London. Returnin’ t’ th land she told her hearers that tires Juuiki now be sent by parcels post an’ that it costs our government fer more t’ shave our United States senators than it would cost t’ arrest th' ravages <>’ hog cholera in North America. “Th’ revenue from one hog t’day.” said thp speaker, “makes it possible fer th’ most remote farmer t’ hear th’ clear, distinct notes o’ th' most celebrated singers in th world right in bis own drawin’ room.” Miss Williams advised farmers t’ devote th' leisure hours between feeding durin’ th’ harsh months o’ th’ year t’ readin’ up on th’ 1018 models an’ famillainzin* 'ems<*lveN with th* many new inventions makin' fer greater lux-ui-y nif speerl. —Farmers' wives were cautioned not t’ allow the’r love o’

home t’ blind ’em t’ th' duties they owe t’ society. “With th’ currency question out o’ th’ way an’ so many inventions under way," said th’ speaker,'“fer motor driven and ’ self operatin’ Implements th’ farmer may well be happy in th’ prospects of a fer greater return fer less work in th’ future.” “Th’ dawn o’ a new era is gittln’ in “an’ a long delayed day is jest around th' corner when ther'll be nothing t’ do on th’ farm but dress fer town.”

TH’ HAT STORE LOOKIN’ GLASS

•Many things come up in life that cause us t’ halt fer th’ instant an’ take a hurried invoice, of ourselves — little things that set us t’ thinkin’— things that bring us t’ our senses an’ cause us t' ponder. Sometimes as a result our whole course in life is changed. Other avenues open before us, an’ we begin life anew. One o’ th’ most potent things along this line is th’ hat store mirror, th’ only means Ky which we kin see ourselves as others see us. Many of us go about our daily affairs absorbed in our own importance an’ all unmindful o’ th’ flight o’ time. Our face is entrusted t’ th’ care of an Indifferent barber, an’, aside from a hurried mornin 5 peep in th' home mirror, or a cursory glance in a plate glass window, we give no further thought. We’ve not forgotten how fine

we looked last-May when we bought a straw hat, so what’s th’ use o’ worrytn’? Sometimes an ole acquaintance acts strangely when we greet him, but we think it’s only our imagination. Sometimes we’rg snubbed or slighted, but we attribute it t’ jealousy, or t’ somethin’ we’ve said or dpne. It never occurs t’ us that our face is out o’ drawin’. How could it be? Didn’t It look all right in May, when we bought a straw hat? If we ask our wife t’ go t’ th’ theater or a card game she withers us with a pityin’-glance an’ declines. We wonder if she’s ailin’ an’ hates t’ tell us. Surely she’s not growin’ tire<l o’ anyone that looked as good in May as we did. Along about, th’ middle o’ November, after we’ve concluded that we wuz mistaken -in thinkin’ we could git by another season in our last winters derby, we trip Mght-heartedly t’ a hat store. "Show me a 7% in whatever they’re wearin’ this fall. Joe,” we say t‘ th’ clerk, who pretends t’ know us. Then comes th’ awakenin’. One good, cloae range suryey of our face an’ our ole self-satisfied expression is sone

like a dream,-closely foilered by our - well known optimistic, views o' life. We’re appalled at th' things that kin happen't’ a face between a spring an’ fall hat. On our brow many new wrinkles parallel th’ ole single track system, while a score o’ competin’ lines are well under way across our temples. ’Here an’ there a liver spot is startin’ in business. Growin’ bolder, we take a look at th’ side elevation o’ our face ah’ our.fears are confirmed. Our profile has undergone many important changes fer th’ worst since we bought a straw hat. We note an embryo chin. It is jest formin’ under our reg’lar chin. Th’ lines of our summer smile refuse t’ disappear when we frown. They’re there t’ stay. Our healthy fullness o’ face has dropped about seventy points an’ settled in our neck. Our ear lobes are shrinkin’ an’ inclined

t* cu rl. P repu red fertlTworst we take a took at th’ back o’ our head. Th’ barber has been neglectful an’ we hardly know th- place.- Soberly turnin’ t’ th’ clerk we close th’ deal like we wuz buyin’ a shroud. Once out In th’ bracin’ fall air we regain our Strength an’ buy a pair o’ Indian clubs an’ a jar o’ massage cream. We’re growin’ ole an’ must Join th’ allies against th’ ravages o’ time. A woman is as young as she’s dressed, but a man is as old as he feels after he looks in a hat store mirror. (Copyright, Adams Newspaper Service.)

“Agriculture, Unlike Other Professions. Will Never Be Overcrowded on Account o’ th’ Plowin’ an’ Those Who Are Left Behind Will Enjoy a Monopoly o’ th’ Food Producin’ Business o’ th’ Country.

We’re Appalled at th’ Things That Kin Happen t’ a Face Between a Spring an’ a Fall Hat. On Our Brow New Wrinkles Parallel th’ Ole Single Track System, While a Score o’ Competin' Lines Are Well Under Way Across Our Temples.