Evening Republican, Volume 59, Number 93, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 10 May 1917 — CURRENT WIT and HUMOR [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

CURRENT WIT and HUMOR

LECTURE ON JOURNALISM. “See here," snapped the city editor to the cub reporter, “you’ve crammedi this obituary notice full of flowery compliments.”’ “But I thought—” '“This man didn’t die in jail, did he?”’ “No, slf.” “He was not killed while trying to rob a safe?” “No, sir.” ; _ “And he wasn’t shot down~fh a run* ning battle with the police?” ‘‘Of course not, air.” “Well, when a citizen dies a natural death in bed, surrounded by his weeping relatives, the public takes it for granted that he had his good points.” — * Nothing But the Truth. "Yes,” said Stormington Barnes, “we did well in the West. At a one-night stand in Arizona we played to a $lO,000 house.” “Say, what are you giving me?” queried Walker Ties. “Facts.” answered the great—and. foot-sore tragedian. “The one mgm who comprised the audience was said to be worth fully that amount.” How She Feit. Mrs. Higgins—And so you have secured your divorce, I hear? r-- ’rfMrs. Wiggins—Yes, I’m glad to say that I have. Mrs. Higgins—How did you feel when you heard the judge’s decision? Mrs. Wiggins—Well, I felt sort of unmanned, as it were. BIRD, BEABT OR FISHT

•He’s a beast.” “He certainly is a bird.” “Well, at least he Is a queer fish.” — ; . YO*. / ’ "W The wisest man sometimes rebels At strict convention—and gets caught; There’s many a foolish fancy dwells Behind a classic dome of thought. Heartless Hortense. "Yes, I’ve had a do&n men at my feet during the season Just past.” “Chiropodists and shoe clerks, I suppose.” " Strict Thrift. •Did that taciturn old miser do anything aj the charity bazar?” “No, he spent nothing; not even his breath.” As the Wind Blows. Helnie—Breezely has retired from, the prize ring for keeps. Omar —So? What’s he doing now? Heinie —Filling automobile tires. Oh! “He is very loose in his habits.” “Whaddye mean, loose in his habits?” * ■ J •He gets tight.” The Condition. _ “I wonder if I could touch Guy for a fiver?”. “Not if he’s a wise Guy.” Easily Answered. "Pa, what is Easy street?” “It leads off Hard Work avenue, my; son.” At the Club. “Has old Millions much of a family?”? “Numerous —but not much !” j Realistic Story. “Have you reviewed that new book entitled ‘The Editor’s Purse’?” asked the critic's other half; “I merely glanced through It,” replied the masculine end of the sketch. “There’s absolutely nothing in IL” • - Fitness of Things. “I suppose,” remarked the friend of the newly created husband, “the usual shower of Hee fell as you entered the carriage.” / “No. it rained beans.” he replied. "I married a Boston girl, you know.”