Evening Republican, Volume 59, Number 83, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 28 April 1917 — SHORT FURROWS [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

SHORT FURROWS

“Languishin’ Home Life” is th’ title o’ a recent article from th’ versatile pen o’ Miss Fawn Lippincut, an’ th’ follerin’ little peppery excerpts are released fer general publication thro’ th’ courtesy o’ th’ author, an’ with th’ hope that they may in some measure encourage, stimulate an’ promote home life in th’ middle west, an’ serve as a controvertin’ influence on th’ general trend: Th’ wild oats crop is alius a failure. ♦ » • Elopin’ daughters come home t’ roost. A girl should alius dance with one arm free. •• • . Divorce Is unknown where ever’buddy’s workin’. The’ easier somethin’s prepared th’ less a husband Tikes it. A father alius wants his wife t’ be responsible fer his son-in-law. Ther’s no longer any doubt as t’ why a chicken crosses th ’road. ...- "7'/ • • • A father never likes t’ give his daughter money after she’s married. • ...• • • It’s a lucky husband that has a mother-in-law in easy hailin’ distance. * * ♦ ». A husband’s fondness fer breakfast foods generally terminates with th’ honeymoon. • ■ • • It used t’ be “Where Is my daughter t’night?” Now it’s "Have you seen my child today?” dear ole grandmother o’ yisterday is th* hole proof sock. ———■ —

Frozen nesselrode puddin’ is not essential t’ an ideal home, but, like ever’thing else, it has its friends. *- * -* A debutante should not let th’ study o’ nursery stencilin’ Interfere with th” many health buildin* exercises in th” open air. • * • Durin’ th’ long, dull, uneventful days* follerin’ th’ honeymoon a young wife may secretly experiment with bakin” powder biscuits. • • « Even durin’ th’ roller skatin’ craze years ago, an’ long . before the aut<*_ arrtved,' a mother at least knew where her daughter wuz. It takes very little more gasoline t*~ enjoy an exhilaratin' season o’ motorin’ than is required in th’ upkeep o’ a pair o’ white kid gloves. * * • If your wants are few an’ you have little occasion t’ spend, a half pint o” dry coffee grounds inz th’ pocket wilt keep your money from rustin'. ♦ —♦— , A young an’ inexperienced wife should alius remember that ahusband will often say things in a burst o’ hunger that he fully regrets after he has bought his breakfast down town. • • • In, th’ ole days when a wife follered her husband out t’ th’ sidewalk ever” mornin' an’ wuztjt home t’, meet him in th 1 evenin’ it wuz all a lodge could do t’ rake up a quorum. * » • With th’ comln’ o’ th’ first warm, sluggish days o’ May It is not uncommon fe* a pre-Lenten bride t’ harbor a little tinge o’ regret. Dandyliqn greens, er any tonic actin’ directly on th’ llver will brighten up th’ horizon. (Copyright, Atoms StrvUaA

In th’ Ole Days When a Wife Followed Her Husband Out t' th’ Sidewalk: Ever' Mornln’ an’ Was at Home t' Meet Him In th' Evenin’ It Wuz All a Lodge Could Do t’ Rake Up a Quorum.