Evening Republican, Volume 59, Number 73, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 28 March 1917 — SOME SMILES [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

SOME SMILES

Temporary Attraction. “Do you find your new neighbors interesting?” “To be frank with you,* I do not,” replied Mr. Dubwaite, “and I’m sure Mrs. Dubw’aite will cease to find them interesting as soon as she satisfies herself whether the fur coat of the woman next door is genuine seal, or merely imitation.” Another Matter. “Can you use the little poem I left with you the other day?” asked the poet. “I could use it,” replied the editor, “but I’m naturally kind-hearted and I don’t want lo hurt your YeeHngs.” ... Jißut- it the least to have the poem published.” “You don’t understand me. I meant that I could use it to light ifiy pipe.” Expressing His Sentiments.

“Are you interested In electrical science?” “Not particularly,” answered the grouchy old bachelor at a newsstand. “I merely bought this magazine because it is the only one of 30 or 40 for sale here without a simpering girl on the cover.”

August Assembly. “f nsHit-*o—ttunk congress was the most impressive deliberative body“in~ “What caused you • to change your opinion?” “I looked in on a suffrage convention. The hall seemed to be full of female George Washingtons, Thomas Jeffersons and Abraham Lincolns.” A

John.. Barleycorn, Exit. “So you wish to see the sights of the city?” ui would be delighted to have you show me around,” answered the visitor. “First, I will take you to the blty’s most famous drain.” “I don’t understand.” “Since prohibition has been in force here, it is estimated that several hundred thousand dollars’ worth of liquor has been poured Into the sewer through that particular drain.” Giving Him a Rest. “Doctor, I go to pieces on the-slight-, est provocation. I’m all unstrung.”

“1 seiu- - What you need Is something to auiet your nerves 1 might say enforced idleness in the open air. What sort of outdoor sport would excite you least?” “Well, I don’t care much about fishing.’.' “You wouldn’t be vexed or impa—tient if you sat all

day without getting a single bite?” - “I don’t think it would worry me at all.” “Then I'll send you on a fishing trip to the place where I went last week.” Controlled Her Affections. “Yes, Betty is going to marry for love.” : “How foolish.” “Not atall. You see.shehad sense enough to fall in love with a rich man." 'k. • * .