Evening Republican, Volume 59, Number 71, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 26 March 1917 — Kin Hubbard Essays [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

Kin Hubbard Essays

Do Modern Business Methods Justify th’ Increased Cost o’ Livin’?

A highly illuminatin’ discussion closed th’ monthly meetin’ o’ th’ Commercial Club, last night at K. of P. hall, when th’ question “Do Modern Business Methods Justify th’ Increased Cost o’ Livin’?” wuz debated. Uncle Ez Pash defended th’ uncovered prune barrel, white Tell Binkley championed th’ new order o’ things.' After callin’ th’ attention t’ th’ cost o’ publicity, th’ expense o’ installin’ fixtures an’ maintainin’ a delivery system an’ other things essential t’ conductin’ a modern business institution Mr. Binkley took a drink o’ water an.’ continued, sayin’: “T’nlght as I stand here my memory is wafted back thro’ th’ mist o’ years t’ th’ ole time, ‘grocery an’ queensware’ establishment * that only washed its windows when ther wuz goin’ t’ be a perade—th’ ole family provision store with its fly-specked dried apples an’ mackerel natartorium that wuz a

J pop’lar swimmln’ pool. fer_ ever winged germ carrier that chanced t’ come its way. When we loaf thro’ th’ modern grocery with its appetizin’ atmosphere, its tastefully arranged wares sanitary arrangements, temptin’ window displays, blonde cashier, quick delivery an’ correct scales we should not be surprised that a few staples cost a penny or two more than they did when th’ average grocer should have been keepin’ a livery stable. A few decades ago ever’ feller who went home in th’ evenin’ wuz carryin’ a sack o’ flour, or a new broom, or some petrified dried peaches, or a can o’ kerosene with a potato on th’ spout, or a loaf o’ bread, or a pound o’ butter that could easily be distinguished In th’ dark. “Th’ ole time grocer even used th’ game quart measure fer sorghum that

he used fer coal oil. If you got too fer from th’ scales he sold at catch weight. If th’ raisins appeared t’ be alive he set ’em in th’ sun. Stationed at ever’ pop’lar stop-ot£r in his store wuz a wooden box full o’ sawdust fer th’ convenience o’ terbacker chewers. When w 6 think o’ th’ open dried apple bin o* yisterday we realise how fer we v» traveled. If dried apples cost a trifle more than they did durin’ th’ reconstruction period we must remember that th’ care an’ treatment accorded them t’day, when ther surrounded by ever’ safeguard, is 5,700 per cent better. fergptten th* ole dusty grocery show case on th’ left hand side o’ th’ door as you entered? Stick candy, fallow candles, gum drops, combs, licorice root, fire klndlers, lamp wicks, marshmallows, suspenders, beeswhx, citrons an’ liniment—all' on th’ friendliest terms ol equality! We’re all supposed t’ eat a pound o’ dirt In

a life time, but how our grandfathers escaped under two tons is a mystery. “With th’ passin’ o’ th’ ole time grocery passed th’ practice o’ dickerin’ an* quibblin’. A feller used t’-go in a grocery an’ say, ‘l’d like-tn trade you outo* some codfish if we kin make a dicker.* Ari’ then th’ figurin’ an’ bargainin’ would begin, th’ transaction often consumin’ th’ better part of a day. Now th’ prices are fixed an’ you kin either take th’ codfish or leave it alone. Ever’buddy used t’ buy somethin’ like they wuz tradin’ bosses. Th’ grocer asked what he thought he could git, an’ th’ consumer offered what he thought he’d take. “Th’ feller who coirtfilains about th* way modern business is conducted should be made t’ spend one whole week at th’ only hotel in Hamlet, Indianny.”

“A Few Decades Ago Ever* Feller Who Went Home in th’ Evenin’ Wuz Carryin' a Sack o’ Flour or a New Broom, or Some Petrified Dried Peaches, or a Can o’ Kerosene With a Potato oh th’ Spout, or a Loaf o’ Bread, or a Pound o’ Butter That Could Easily Be Distinguished in th' Dark."