Evening Republican, Volume 21, Number 55, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 7 March 1917 — TRAINING TODAYS BOYS AND GIRLS [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

TRAINING TODAYS BOYS AND GIRLS

When Impudence Is Disrespect and When Frankness. BOTH CALL FOR RESTRAINT T ~ ‘ ‘ ' T , What Kind and How -Much Are the Real Considerations That Must fie Studied by the Wise Parent By SIOONIE M. GRUENBERG. ONE does not need to be very old —to recall the days when all children were well-behaved and respectful to their elders. And those of us who are too young to remember* the good old days can got from European visitors the assurance that American children are, on the whole, altogether tpo free in their speech. Indeed, our vis-* itprs from abroad are more frequently shocked by the “impudence” of our children than they are impressed by the height'of our buildings. It must be admitted that our children are rather outspoken. In our reaction against the crushing restraints of puritanism, we have no doubt gone too far. And in rejecting the old standards of human and child conduct we have too frequently failed to establish definite standards of our own. But we are not compelled to choose between disrespect and lawlessness on the one hand, and repression and hypocrisy on the other. Children must have freedom, but they can and should be taught to speak in a more respectful and mannerly fashion. A great deal of what older people resent as “impudence” is really not offensive In spirit, but when the shocking word is spoken It Is not always accompanied by Its own explanation. It is necessary for older people to understand what goes on in the child’s mind, instead of waiting for the child to make the explanation. There are three commprf sources of “Impudence” that we can learn to understand and‘ to treat. Children unconsciously Imitate the tones and expressions that they hear at home or among their associates. If a child Is often scolded and reproved in coarse terms, we should not expect him to use gentle and refined speech In situations that call forth his critical and resentful spirit. We are outraged on hearing a young misS say to her father: “You were crazy to go out without your umbrella ; you might have seen It would rain” "But ft does nbt take us long to find out that the child Is using the friendly and conventional language of

her own home. There Is no question of disrespect or Jnsolence. We learn that the girl does not mean to be offensive. But It is clear that she cannot cultivate reverence while she continues to speak in this manner to her parents. .What is at first but an inelegant use of language comes in time to be an unwholesome attitude toward other people. There are two things we may do in such a case.' We may either establish the rule that the child must use only certain kinds of expressions and tones In addressing older people, and must avoid others. This would insure the preservation. of the outward forms. Or we maji* furnish the child with the models that we should not fear to have copied. We must decide for ourselves which method we are to prefer: the arbitrary separation of the child’s notion of conduct Into that whifch Is to be permitted to elders but. forbidden to children, and that which is permitted to alt, or the cultivation of a wholesome atmosphere of considerateness and respect for others. When the offensive word or grimace is the genuine expression of a hatefttl mood, we have a different problemUnder the older ideas of bringing up children the chief emphasis was laid on outward manifestations of the objectionable feelings. Now, while if is true that to a certain extent the feelings can be smothered as their expression is restrained, there was no positive effort to cultivate friendly or reverent emotions. The result of this policy shows itself too frequently In Indifference. In hypocrisy, and In some kind of “explosion.” Running away from home is an explosion of .a?pa, being in a targe propo* tion of cases set off by an emotional disturbance for which the child had fro suitable mean*, .at expression-' Where the steam cannot be let off something Is likely to break loose violently. . . Of course we do not wish our chilIren to have, “bad emotions.” But be-

yond the point where they can be safely suppressed IH*» better t|u|t| know Just what the children feei. Occasional expressions of 111 will or of irreve** ‘ ence may be taken as the occasion for a daring up the moral atmosphere. Talking a situation over with the child will often bring to the surface lingering shreds of spite or bitterness. These • gnawing and growing usually only where the children are fairly free to give expression to their feelings, restrained only by what they learn of genuine respect and courtesy. In many cases what appears as disrespect or worse is merely an Indication of ignorance or crudeness. This was illustrated by a little hoy of four, whose violent jumping on a rickety stair was interrupted by his cautious grandmother. When Jhe old lady’s bade was turned the child whispered to his brother, “Don’t you wish she was dead?” Thi% was a scandalous thing to hear, and under other circumstances a child saying anything like that would have been mercilessly chastised. But to this case, as la many others, there was neither malic*

in the child’s feelings nor understanding his mind. In all good faith he wished the disturbing‘grandmother beyond good and evil. A child needs In a case of this kind not reproof or punishment, but enlightenment. He must learn the remoter meanings Bnd implications of the words he uses, and Whether the undesirable modes of expression that we commonly call impudence are the results of imitating bad models, or the resußs Of unrestrained freedom of expression, our remedies arenot to be sought in enforced silence. It Is well for us to know first of all what the sources of Ae impudence are, and then deal with these. We cannot always fegulgte in advance the language and manners of the associates of our children, but we can do a great deal to make the home impressions what they ought to be. And ft Is better for us to know just what the children think and feel and Improve their thoughts and feelings than to foster hatred* and hypocrisy under the cloak of decorum. \

The Days When All Children Were Well Behaved.

Children Unconsciously Imitate the Tones and Expressions That They Hear at Home.