Evening Republican, Volume 21, Number 43, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 21 February 1917 — GOOD JOKES [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

GOOD JOKES

JUST LIKE A WOMAN. “Talk about your frenzied financiers,” -remarked the cashier, as he came in and hung up his hat, “my wife’s got them all beaten to a fricasseed frazzle.” “Well, come on with the answer,” said the bookkeeper. . “She had made up her mind to purchase a skirt she saw- in a store just around the corner fronr where we live,” explained the cashier; “but yesterday she learned that site could buy one exactly like it downtown for fifty cents less —” “And of course she went downtown and bought it,” interrupted the bookkeeper. “You have said It,” rejoined the cashier, “and incidentally she spent a dollar and a half taxicab hire while looking for the place?’ —— Not a Square Deal. She —But it is a woman’s privilege to change her mind, you know. He —Yes, I suppose ,§p. But It isn’t a square deal, just the same. She —Why not? - ■ / .• G ; : - • He —Because when a man changes his mind the woman in the case gets busy and sues him for breach of promise. *

War of Words. Redd —What tire those two men quarreling about so? Greene—A game of golf. “But neither of them plays golf.” “T know it; but Bill-said if he could play golf he could beat'Jim, and Jim said if he could play golf Bill couldn't beat him.” THE TRUTH.

The Reformer —Eternal vigilance is the price of liberty. The Joker —Yes; many a man would be in jail if he didn’t watch out. Behind the Scenes. Full many a man’s a pacifist. Philanthropist and all that, Yet scolds a wife who can’t resist And slams the door and kicks the cat. How to Judge. Mrs. Flatbush —Do you believe in that saying that a woman is as old as she looks? 2 —— Mr. Flatbush—Sure, if she takes off her hat and hair.

Editor's Trials. Rerfman—.AtFedßoTmust nive'mafiy trials, doesn’t he? Wright—Well, ours has. He’s been hauled up three times for libel and six times for speeding. Trying to Dodge Him. Redd —Whenever I see Black coming down the street in his car I have to dodge him. Greene —I see. You've one of his creditors, I suppose. Had Clothes Enough. Patience —That girl Bob’s engaged to is a great dresser. Patrice-*® that a fact? “Oh, yes; she has a most extensive wardrobe.

“And was it love at first sight with Bob?’’ “Oh, no; he didn’t fall in love with her until he’d seen her eighteenth gown.” . v • , • Bored. Patience —How did you like it in the country where you were last summer? Patrice —Well, the people in the rockers on the porch almost bored me to death, and when I went to bed the mosquitoes completed the boring operation. Not a Manufacturing Plant. Redd —Where does he live? Greene —In Brooklyn. “What’s his business?” “I guess he’s interested in the manufacture of automobile tires.” “What makes you think that?” “Because he told me he owned a rubber plant.”

Matters to Keep Dark. “Henry, what is meant by mending political fences?” asked Mrs. Twobble. “That means a variety of activities,” replied Mr. Twobble, “but seldom any* •thing a candidate desires to have published i| the newspapers.” _ ' Base Betrayal. Kvhy is Maude crying so?” . “Because her father can’t • bear James Jones, and-he came into the .room just when the parrot was sayling to itself, ‘Well, just one more, jimmy!’”

HE'D BEEN MARRIED TWICE.

Slie—.... ge is a lottery. He —And most men draw a blank. Another Little DigSome .women carry their ages quite welL But it is a dollar to a dime The reason is—it’s a shame to tell— They carry but half at a time. * Removing the Features. JBllT—This- paper says like a diminutive lawn mower is a new device for shaving, in which a spring motor revolves a steel roller with cutting blades as it is drawn over a man’s face. Jill—Fine! Xnd if it falls to remove the hair a fellow can use a plow. Doppel.” “Why so?” • “She patronizes Mrs. Dubson whenever she gets a chance, but Mrs. Dubson is blissfully unconscious of it, so it’s no satisfaction to her at all.”

Would Like an Easy One. Dad—Jimmy. which instrument would you like to study, the violin or the piano? Jimmy—Father, if I must study music please let me choose the phonograph. The Warring Singers. Church—l see .that Pittsburgh churches insure lives of preachers and choir singers. Gotham —Why preachers? They don’t fight, tod, do they? High Cost of Living. Flatbush—Do you know anything which comes into your house which has not advanced in value? Bensonhurst —I do. My wife’s mother. Both Hard to Manage. Redd —Sb they are divorced? Greene —Yes, she’s taken the children find he’s taken the automobile. “Suppose she thought the children would be easier to manage.”

> Happy Ending. Patience —Has your brother finished that story he was writing? • Patrice —Oh, yes. “Did it have a happy ending?” “Oh, yes; he’s sold it.” When Hostilities Start. Bill—What arethese war brides they’re talking about? Jill—l don’t know. I always supposed it was after a woman had ceased to be a bride that the fighting began. — The Open Book. “A man’s life should be like an open book.” “Yes,” observed Miss Cayenne; “but so few people care to interest themselves in a book that isn’t a thriller.” SHE WAS ON.

Maisie—l ain’t goin’ to take any „ more music lessons. Her Mother —Why not? Maisie —I don’t see any use in paying that professor one dollar twice a week just to come here and make love to sister. A Sad Blow. “When do you expect a report from the vice commission?” “That’s hard to say?” “Didn't they make a success of their investigations?” “No. They were all woefully dis. appointed. They didn’t find any vica worth mentioning.” Talks Through It. Yeast—Don’t you think your wife has a hose for news? Crimsonbeak —Sure thing. Why, 1 get all the inews from her that way.