Evening Republican, Volume 21, Number 33, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 9 February 1917 — Gathered Smiles [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

Gathered Smiles

Mysterious. “Oh, dear!" sighed—the mart whose wife was away, “I can’t find a pin in the house. I wonder where they are all gone, anyway?” “That’s a difficult question to answer,” replied his,, mother, “because they are always pointed in one,direction and headed in another.” ' •*». - _ Knew the Species. ■

“S ay, pa w,” queried little Benny Bumpem, “what kind of fish is an angel fish ?” “An angel fish, son,” replied the fond, parent, who had ouce pinned his faith to a comic opera star, “is a sucker who backs an actress who things she owns a. shape she can travel on.”

Revised Version. “What is that old adage about ‘A penny saved,’ etc.?” queried the youth. “A penny saved by the old man means a dollar burned by the .Son in after years,” answered the wise guy. Merely a Conjecture. Myer—l wonder what causes concussion of the brain? Gyer—A collision between two trains of thought, I suppose. a J*oSlble. Rfcason. ' “Why is that sign ‘please do not talk to the motorman’ placed in eveiy ear?” “To keep the women from trying to tell him how to drive, I presilme.”—Detroit Free Press. One of the Symptoms. “But,” queried the sweet girl gradu-

ate, “how can I tell when I am In—iuveT'V “ " ~ “Oh,” replied the fair grass widow, “when you think you think as much of a young man as you think of yourself —that is love.” Those Loving Girls. Hazel —How shall I have my winter hat trimmed so that it w r ill correspond with my nnimicxlun? Almee —Well, if you want it to match your face I’d advise you to have it plain. ~ Of Course Not. “Still trying to cut down expenses, Jibway?” “No. I’ve given up in disgust.” * “Why so?” “I noticed the other day where a mill hand in New England lives on 80 cents a week. There is no use of an oxdinary human l>eing trying to equul ~ a record that.” t I. ' *""■ , - Human Refrigerators. Hoax cremn- 7

tion Is a thing of the past in the classical precincts of- Boston. Soax Because why. Hoax Because pf the expense. It requires too much beat to reduce a Bosto ni a u to ashes.

Change of Feeling. “It was a stirring sight to see our soldier boys -marching away to serve disetr^oßßEry^" “So it was, but it’s heart-rending just now to hear the loud lamentations being sent up from the border." Some Help. • Flatbush —My wife thinks you dress your wife very well indeed. . ; Bensonhurst—-Goodness! ■ I don’t dress her. All Idois to button her up the back. Judicial Wisdom. Judge (to lady witness) —What i» your age, madame? Lady—Twenty-seven, sir. Judge (to clerk of court) —Mr. Hapgood, you may now swear the lady to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. i Sure Sign. “They had a large but very unfashionable house at the opera last night.” “You don't say so?” “Yes; everybody was listening to the music.”