Evening Republican, Volume 21, Number 25, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 31 January 1917 — Gathered Smiles [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

Gathered Smiles

FORESIGHT OF POOR FARMER. A cerftdn har<J-working farmer had sent his son to a good preparatory school so that he might early begin t<. leceive the best instruction. For his study of music the boy had to have a: violin, but- ho was such a I ittfcefellow that his teacher thought that a v so-called “half' violin” was all that was necessary for him. According to the Meggendorfer Blaetter, the father, whose resources had been sadly taxed, was loath to part, with the money, for the instrument, but finally did so. The boy made rapid progress, aitd became So proficient that a half violin was no longer good enough for !!lm. Again he went to the music store with his father, to whom x the salesman showed the entire stock of violins. The parent way apparently dissatisfied with all of them, and his gaze wandered round the shop seeking for something better. Finally he saw a violoncello. “We’ll take that huge violin there,” said he, its a smile of satisfaction spread over his countenance. “The boy won’t outgrow that right away!”

Musjt Be Crooked. “Beware of that fellow Slithersby.” “What’s the matter with him?” “I overheard him say to one of his cronies, ‘Now, you and I are practical men.’” . '■ - . > Not for Hini. Bagged Rogers—W ouldn’t* you like to have fame, Griggsy? Grimy Griggs —Naw! Dey say dat fame is a bubble, and there’s generally soap in bubbles.

MATCHED.

Site—l simply can’t stand your hot tempers any longer. He—And I can’t stand your cold dinners any longer.

Yea, Verily. Most females would silent be. Oft keeping quiet for a week, If they’d among themselves agree To always think before they speak. A Reversible Proverb. Mrs. B. —Too bad Mrs. Smart always has such abominable weather for her afternoon teas! Mrs. W. —Yes; she never pours, but it rains. A Roland for an Oliver. --_rA^bi^-^T : bum doc 1” tor. He’s a butcher. Doctor —Then I’m the right kind of a doctor for a bW“actbf ; I can cure hams. Possibly. /- « Judge—There goes Professor Wise and his wife. He’s deaf a,s a post. Waggs —So? I suppose that is why his wife dresses so loud.

Shelbyville Wisdom. “Wives, as a rule, are more liberal than husbands,” remarked the Sage of -Shelbyville. ’ . —r, “Why do you think so?” queried the skeptical person. “Because,” explained the wisdom dispenser, “the wife who has a mind of her own is always giving her husband pieces of it.” , . Put to the Test. Her (arising from the piano)—Do you play, Air. Sloboy ?—. Him —No;.but, I’m thinking of taking lessons: ’ ’l’ve spl cpdl d ear for time. Her —Indeed ! By the way, was that eleven or twelve the clock just struck? ' Right Away, “I understand Mrs. Bangs knows all the details of that latest divorce scandal.” “Is that so? I shall call on her tomorrow.” Information Wanted. Little Lemuel —Say, paw? Paw —Well, what is it, son? Little Lemuel—ls painting the town red a cardinal sin? .Possible Explanation. Wedderly—l wonder why a spinster nearly always has a cat or a dog for a pet? ■ ‘ Mrs. Wedderly—Oh, I suppose she wants some animal that will stay out at night occasionally, so she will have ■ something to worry about. Which Is What It Was. “I see the word ‘obey’ is to. be left out of the marriage ritual.” “Yes, thd church people evidently thought the ritual was ho place for a joke.’’

FINE BUSINESS.

Yea, Verily! Here’s a line of truthful dope We've evolved after a tussel: Some men have too much hope. And too darned little hustle. Creating Atmosphere. i “This movie of ‘Camille’ is rather good.” “Yes, but I miss the star’s hacking cough. That was always a big hit on the stage, you know.” “True, put if you will notice, the orchestra is playing some dreadfully depressing music.”

Wanted —A Million. “If I only had a million dollars,” exclaimed the angry father. “And what would you do wtthit, dad?” ashed The wayward son. “I’d disinherit you the first thing,” replied the old man, as he amputated a large hunk from a plug of eating tobacco. Politically Economical. “Did T understand you to say Dubwaite was a close student economy “Yes; in one sense.” “How is that?’-’--- - - : “The last time he ran for office he spent less than one hundred dollars, nn<] that was borrowed money.”,

In Charity’s Name. , Aimee—Oh, what a lovely ring! I never noticed it on your finger before. Hazel—Of course not. It’s my engagement ring, and I only JtLjmsterday; t Aimee—Really? Andhowmuch did you pay for it, dear? Just Possible. “In some parts of Africa,” said the returned traveler, “one can purchase a wife for a pint of common glass beads." “Well,” rejoined the fussy old bachelor, “no doubt a good wife is worth that much.”

One Woman’s Wisdom. The Widow—Have you read the wi!!? The Lawyer—l have tried to, suit it is in your late husband’s handwriting ttrid I I'titiT inukij anything’dufofH. The Widow —Well, if you are unable to make anything out of it, there can’t * be much in it for the rest of us. She Already Knew It. “I wish I, knew. some way to make ' a hit with her.” . “Tell her you are not good enough for her; that usually gets them.” “She has already told me that.” MARRIED BLISS.

She—George, you’re, not going out to your club and leave me all alone, urq 'you? What if a burglar should steal me? ■ He—l suppose I should have a little consideration for them,They’re human, anyway. „ The Diagnosis. Slowboy —Doctor, I'm troubled with insomnia. Frequently I tumble and toss in bed all night long. What db you suppose is the cause of it? .Doctor—-Well, It is just possible that you are worrying over that .bill you have owed me for the last two! years.’ *■ ■■ ■ . * " -■-*?-'/» "■ h'l *"■ -■ \- Tender Hearted. He —Do you kdow it was the happiest moment of my life when you promised to be mine? She —I.can’t bear to refuse any maathat asks me to marry him.