Evening Republican, Volume 21, Number 23, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 29 January 1917 — TAILS. [ARTICLE]

TAILS.

Tails are long, slender affairs that were hung on animals by Divine Providence and on human beings by Charles Darwin. , (Maybe Darwin was right, but the fact remains that today we wear them only on our shirts. Maybe we dad swing from trees by ♦ them, as he'says. But what of it? It was a dam sight more civilized than swinging by our necks. Personally, we’ve never had any fault to find with tails. We often wish we had one. We could do lots of things with a tail that we can’t do now. We could stay in bed and turn off the alarm clock, for one thing. Tails would give stenographers both hands to read the paper with. And think what a godsend they would be to structural iron workers and linotype operators. What a Upon it would be to them when the distributor stops—just reach out with the tail and yank up the elevator —oh joy! —Hammond Times.