Evening Republican, Volume 20, Number 312, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 2 January 1917 — Foolish Spending [ARTICLE]

Foolish Spending

“Dear,’’ said t Mrs. Jimplecute, looting across at him when the callers had left, “1 wish you could let me have STO over and above the house money this week.” “It has been a rather hard month, but I suppose 1 can. Haye you any objection to telling me what you contemplate doing with all that money’’’ “I am going to spend it foolishly.’ “Foolishly?” “Absolutely foolishly.’ “That being the case you may cer talnly have it. This spending money foolishly appeals to me, If I had not spent $lO foolishly not long ago 1 would make-it twenty- lnsteatf~gF tea. “You? How?” “Qttite a long time ago a sweet appearing little bit of a woman with a beautiful baby came up to the dentists across the hall from me. He was engaged and every chair in his wait ing room was occupied, so this little Ldy came into my office and asked to be permitted to sit there for a while, you know how-wild I am about beautiful babies. I am afraid I admired her baby rather extravagantly. Anyhow every time she visited the dentist until her work was done she brought the baby in for me to see, so that we became well' acquainted in a casual way.’” “The idea!’’ '- —“Yes. One day when I Teturned to my office the stenographer told me that the little lady with the baby had called and had left a telephone number and had asked me to call up when 1 came in. I called up and she asked me •f I could come out there to her house right away. I went out immediately.” “You did?” “Certainly. I found that her home was a neat little cottage and she was sitting out in the porch swing when I arrived. I was glad to see that the baby, which she held in her arms was well. To make a long story short, her busband had gone to Kansas City, where his mother lived, in order to sign up some papers that would permit her to sell off some property—" “And you believed such an— ’’ -

“I expect I must have. But, you see I was holding the baby then and she was looking at me just as she talked—” “I see the picture." “She had just received a letter from her husband telling her that ha was ill and to please come to him at once. He had sent her plenty Of money the preceding week, but she had spent a considerable amount of it on finery for the baby.” “So she asked you to—’* “No she did not. I beat her to It and asked her how much.” , “Oh Jared!” “She said $lO would be plenty, so I let her have the slO.l should have r« ceived that money on the 10th of the month if she had kept her word—” “O-o-o-oh! Was her name Llewellen?’’ “Yes, but how—” “I received a $lO bill thru the mail on the 10th, with just a card with her name nn it. I forgot to mention it.” “Of course you did, but you didn’t

forget to spend it Now, Tve been doing that little woman a gross ballistic J What do you want of ten more dolLrsT’’ “If you must know It was to get you some perfectly beautiful cigars foi your birthday. The man is going to 1 ring them today. He smuggled them into the country without paying— duty onthegnaad— <;■ /=* “Gee whiz! Of all toe easy marks the women are the worst 1 Take the ten and get a dress pattern. I have sworn off smoking. You told the truth when yo” said you were going to spend it foolishly, all right.”

Thought He Meant Her It was their honeymoon trip to London, and the first time they had ever been out of Lancashire. As they waited on the platform at Pancras for the guard to bundle their boxes out of toe van toe young bride and bridegroom were manifestly embarrassed. Then an inside porter earns up and asked: “Can I look after yer baggage for yer, mister?" The red blood mounted to the young bride’s cheeks, and turning on her hubby she demanded: •Well, well, well! If ye ain’t a-goin’ to thrash him for retalrin’ to mo like that, ye’re no man, George!”

Getting Ready A long wisp of artificial grain that served as a stick up on the sweet girls hat was placed horizontally, so that it tickled up and down the face of the man who sat next to her in the street car, until it came to a resting place with the end nestling in his right ear. After the car had traveled a few blocks the man was seen to remove from his pocket a large Jackknife which he proceeded to strop on the palm of a horny hand. Excitedly the girl inquired; “Why are you doing that?** “If them oats gets in my ear again,** the man ejaculated, “there’s gonna b» aharvesL" w - * Foxy Scheme “Tommy, if you’ll saw Some woof Ell tell you what rJI do.’ __ "What’s that dad?" ' . “I’ll let you have the sawdust ts play circus with.” Every time a lazy man looks at the clock tae leaser.