Evening Republican, Volume 20, Number 312, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 2 January 1917 — Page 3

BIRSKY and ZAPP

By MONTAGUE GLASS

zz-T SEE where the president of the -I Airy-o Club of America has got a new plan to encovrage young fellers to learn how to fly,” said Louis Blrsky the real estater as he laid down the morning paper in Wasserbauer’s Restaurant. “What was the old plan?” Barnet Zapp the waist manufacturer asked. “Well,” Birsky replied, “I suppose he took the young feller to one side and said: ‘Usten, be a sport. You got to die some time, and a long, expensive sickness ain’t so pleasant neither. HGet it over “And BBturally thetyoung fitter wasn’t eircouraged,” Barnet; Zapp suggested. - S “Naturally,” Blrsky said. “So now the president of the Airy-o Club says: ‘Looky here, why don’t you learn it flying in an alry-oplane and after you graduate I would get you and two thousand of your classmates to fly from here to San Francisco, and who arrives first gets $20,W0?” “Aber supposing the feller don’t arrive first?” Zapp inquired. “Thefi that’s his funeral,” Birsky said. “Well then where does the encouragement come in?” Zapp commented. “Furthermore, Blrsky, this here president of the Alry-o Club of America has got it wrong. The thing to do is not to encourage young fellers to learn it flying in an airy-oplane but to Discourage ’em.” _ “Well, what he said in the first place didn’t sound so encouraging to me,” Blrsky said. “What he said was all right,” Zapp admitted, “but he didn’t lay no pipes for it. For instance, if I would be the president of the Airy-o Club of America and I wanted a young ffeller he should be an airy-onaut, y’understand, I would find out where the young feller is working and get him fired. I would then fix things so that the girl he is going to marry wouldn’t got nothing to do with him no more. H’afterwards I would use toll this as evidence why his father should throw him out of the house, and when I got

the young feller absolutely In despair, y’understand, I would lay for him at the drug store and just when he is going to buy the poison he is figuring on taking, I would say to him: ‘Listen,—since the war has stopped Germany shipping drugs to America, you couldn’t rely on poisons no more. Save your money and try something ’ certain. Learn to fly.’ ” “Aber not considering the funny side of this thing, Zapp, why Is it we ain’t got more as one airy-oplane flyer to Europe’s twenty?” Birsky asked. “It’s a question from etiquette,” Zapp replied. “Over In Europe if a young feller has got a father with a rating anywheres about D to F credit fair, tifr suchayoung fetterto work for a living is considered like eating with his knife or wearing _tan shoes with a full dress suit. So what is a feller like that to do? Cards he soon gets tired of, because you’ve got to use your head to play % cards, and in Europe up to the present war-using your head wasn’t considered becoming neither. Gollef and tennis is all right once in a while, Birsky, but if a feller is hitting a ball mlt a club day in day out, y’understand, he might just so well be hitting a nail mit a hammer and become a carpenter. The consequences was that until airy-oplanes was all such a young feller could do to get any excitement out of life was to climb mountains mlt snow on ’em or go to Africa and kill once In a while a menagerie animal like a lion or a tiger. However, Birsky, after airy-oplanes was invented, flying became more fashionable than mountain climbing and killing menagerie animals, as it was found out To be just as dangerous, but with le/s traveling expenses and more convenient to a hospital. So therefore, Zapp, for every son of a millionaire in this country which is working hard-tqvarry oh the old man’s business and give employment to thousands of operators, y’ understand, they got over in Europe a son of a millionaire who Is learning to fly In an airy-oplane and has working fqr him steady two mechanics, a surgeon and a trained nurse. “Well, you couldn’t blame such a young feller in especially if he is going out a good deal into society,” Birsky said. "The fact that a feller is- learning to fly in an airy-oplane and so to speak could never tell which moment is going to be his next, Zapp, makes him in a way very interesting to meet, especially for ladies, Zapp, which they could say h’afterwards: ‘Only yesterday he was talking to me the same like you ate now.' Al so an airy-oplane flyer has got a tropic of conversation more attractive to ladies, Zapp, which I don’t care, how good looking a young American mlllionalrq could be, y’understand, if" ha would ait down and tell a lady how he was tip till three in* the morning figuring the costs on a big shipment of enamel ware wash tubs, and how by re-ap-1 portioning the overhead, be rat the in- 1

"I Would Lay for Him at the Drug Store.”

dependent manufacturers’ price ten per cent, Zapp, is it any wonder that the daughters of our best families prefers a marriage match with a foreign noble feller? Am I right or wrong?” “Yes and no,” Zapp said, “because while your idee is a good talking point for the president of the Airy-o Club, Birsky, supposing he does promise a feller that if he becomes an airyonaut, he stands a chance to leave a rich widfler provided the wedding takes place before the accident, y’ understand, where is the Inducement? The fact of the matter is, Blrsky, that, the members of the Airy-o Club of America is starting in-from the wrong end. What them fellers should ought to do is to get after the manufacturers to make up a line of semi-safe airy-oplanes, where if ' you fly in ’em, y’understand, you will stand a show for your life somewheres between a feller working in a powder mill and a feller in a submarine —in other words, not so safe thatit wouldn’t be considered a good tropic of conversation with ladies, y’understand.” , “For my part, Zapp, I am content to stay out of airy-oplanes till they get so common that talking about flying in ’em will be so much a tropic of conversation as saying ain’t It a rotten weather we arfe having,” Birsky declared. “At the same time, Zapp, I

“The Air Would Be Black With Customers."

think that time is coming fast; on account I seen it. in the papers where over In Europe they are learning a great deal from’airy-oplanes, and that after the war is over, Zapp, they will make big Improvements »in ’em.” “The Idea of Airy-o Club of America,” Zapp said, “is that we Shouldn’t wait till war is over but we-should go right ahead experimenting on our own account mit alry-oplanes, and learn from one accident to another just what it was about the airy-oplane that klfled 'the alry-onaut. One member. of the club in particular feels quite sore that we should be willing to learn by Europe's, mistakes and not by our own, so he is offering a trophy for an animal airy-oplane competition for flying across the continent" “Whflt for, a trophy?” Blrsky asked. “He didn’t say,” Zapp replied, “but the chances ii it would be a widder in sterling silver holding in her right

!- .. ' • ’ THE EVENING REPUBLICAN, RENSSELAER, IND.

hand a cancelled insurance policy and underneath the motto: ‘Kindly omit flowers.’ ” v

“And he expects' that American alry-onauts will risk their lives flying to thePaciflc coast for such a prize?” Birsky said. “I suppose the second prize is a safety razor with twelve blades and styptic pencil in leatherine case complete, and the third prize a year’s subscription to any two of the monthly magazines. ; It’s-too bad that the "North Pole was discovered before this here member of the Airy-o Club started In to offer prizes, Zapp. He might of loosened up to Admiral Peary for a cut glass olive dish or something.” “I guess the president of the Airyo Club thought the same thing as you, Birsky,” Zapp said, “because sb soon as he got the letter from the member who offered the trophy he comes right back with an offer of 920,000 for first prize, $15,000 second prize, SIO,OOO for third prize, $7,500 for fourth prize, and so “by degrees down to ‘You done noble’ for the ninth prize, ‘Fine work’ for the tenth prize and ‘What detained you?’ for the 11th, 12th and 13th prizes.” “Sure, I know,” Birsky commented, “but twenty thousand dollars ain’t to be sniffed at, neither.” “Listen, Birsky/” Zapp said. “There, is already entered in the Airy-o Club’s

contesi thirteen concerns which manufactures alry-oplanes in the United States, and, so far as I heard it, they ain’t in business for the benefit they will get from the systematic exercise of making up a weekly payroll exactly. So you cun trust them fellers to see-to it that enough young billionaires learns to fly to net the manufacturer anyhow ten per cent on his investment, and that is the secret of airy-oplane preparefulness, Blrsky. To the members of the Airy-o Club ot America an alry-onaut is only an airyonaut, but to a feller in the airy-o-plane business an airy-onaut is something more than that. He is a customer, Blrsky. So, 1 therefore, Birfisy, what the Airy-o Club of America must do is to train traveling salesmen for the manufacturers of alry-oplanes,, and in case of war, Blrsky, the air would be black with customers.” -- (Copyright, Now X«rk Tribune.)

BEST AGE FOR TENNIS

Man Plays at Topnotch When Thirty-Five Years Old. Champion Williams Says McLoughlin Not Through Because He Is Twen-ty-Six Years of Age—Will . Keep on Playing. “How long can a man play topnotch tennis?” Norris Williams, IL gave vent to a modest chuckle before answering this query put to him shortly after he had. defeated William Johnston, California, in the national lawn tennis championship finals at Forest Hills, N. Y. *Why, I should say until he is thirtyfour or thirty-five, Do yojj think ‘Morrie’ McLoughlin is entirely broken simply because he is twenty-six?” the champion asked in reply. “Not a bit of it. It is entirely probable, and I shouldn’t in the least be surprised to see him come back to the best he ever played within the next six years and regain the title. “I have no expectations, but only hopes, as to the length of time I can remain champion dr a championship contender. I am twenty-four now.

R. Norris Williams, II.

And a man ought to play the very best tennis of his career around twenty-nine or thirty, for the reason that at that age he is likely to have retained his stamina and to have played long enough to have acquired the expedience which is so valuable in big matches. Look at Karl Behr. He is far from broken. “There may be this, however, to be said about McLoughlin. If is highly possible that his smashing style takes the physical strength out of a man in his younger years, where the game which either William Johnston or I play would conserve it. It is not impossible - that - a vital difference lies there. “I expect to keep up with my tennis while in business, as much as I did while at Harvard, where I was graduated last June;” X

TRAP SHOOTING IS POPULAR

With Very Few Exceptions Every State in Union Participated in Grand American. ’ With the exception of New Mexico, New Hampshire, Maine and Virginia, trap shooters from every state in the Union, and Canada too, participated in the recent grand American trap shooting tournament at St. Louis. There can be no question about the, popularity of a sport that will attract 683 entrants from 44 states, the District of Columbia and Canada. Of' this number Illinois supplied the greatest number, 225; Missouri was next with not quite half as many as Illinois, 112. Of Illinois’ total, Chicago supplied 44, more than any other city in the country. The best representation of any city in the country, however, was made by Hillsboro, 111. This town of 7,000 population has a gun club of 40 members and of this number ten shot in the big handicap meet. The largest states do not always supply the greatest number of entrants in such a tournament as the grand American. Pennsylvania, for instance. - contributed but rix eufrants, while lowa had 41; Indiana had 45, Ohio had 30, Kansas had 21, Oklahoma 19, Wisconsin and Tennessee 17 each, Michigan 12, Alabama 12 and Texas 11. These were the bnly states to get into double figures. /“■ ~

GOLF GAINS IN POPULARITY

Sport Has Taken Firm Grip Upon All Classes of People—Demands Best Brain and Muscle. It is an Indication of hopeless prt> vincialismfor anybody to deride the game of golf nowadays. This sport has taken such a firm hold upon all classes of people, it has become so universal and its popularity Is so permanently founded thatthe jibes and wheezes of dull wits no longer have any force. Only the hopelessly ignorant now characterize it as “sissy?’ It, is, In fact, a full-blooded, strong-bodied and absorb--ing sport that demands the best brain and muscle that can be put into it. Golt is really becoming a close competitor with baseball for the title o* the national game.—Pacific Golf ant Motor.

BILLY EVANS’ BASEBALL PROBLEMS

Written Especially for This Paper by the Famous American >- League Umpire. - Freak plays are much mow frequent in the minors than In the big show, but a play came up American league that is probably wltb-

die,’ by stealing home!” That is just what Ainsmith essayed to do, and incidentally stirred up one of the most peculiar arguments in baseball history. •• • As Benderstarted to wind up, Ainsmith started Bender, with a smile, decided he would permit Ainsmith to. go through with ~~his tntended theft? In order to make sure that the Washington catcher would reach the plate safely, Bender kept on winding up his right arm until Ainsmith had slid over the plate in safety. Just about the time Bender had finally delivered the ball to the batter, Ainsmith had regained his feet and was buSy dusting off his uniform. As luck would have it, the batter hit the ball to left field, Oldring making-the catch that retired the side and ended the game. The question naturally arose as to. whether or not the run counted. What would you have you been the umpire? Solution of Problem. The run does not count. The play, of course, is based on rule 50, which relates to the scoring of runs. Part of this rule states that a run shall not be scored if, after touching the first three bases, the runner comes hoifie from third on a play in which the third man is forced out, or is put out before reaching first. The umpires contend that the start of the play was when Bender began his wind-up, and that the completion of the play was the hitting of the fly ball to left field, the batter naturally being out before he reached first Hence, the run should not count even though Ainsmith had scored before the ball was really started on its way to the plate. That really has nothing to do with the situation, the start of the wind-up being the beginning of the play. It is a question that will cause many an argument. (Copyright by the Wheeler Syndicate, Inc.)

TENNEY RETIRES FROM GAME

Former New York Player Sends In Resignation as Manager of International League Team. Fred Tenney will not manage the Newark International league team next season, according to an announcement made by President James Price. Price said that no effort has been made to appoint a successor to Tenney.

Fred Tenney.

Tenney notified Price that he wished to retire from the game and would not consider leading the Newark team next season. Tenney’s stock in the club “has been taken care of,” according to Price’s statement.

KID WILLIAMS WILL RETIRE

iftlnq of Bantamweights Makes An- ” nouncement He Will Quit Ring Before December 5, 1917. Kid Williams, king of the bantamweights% is out with the announcement that he will quit the ring before another year has passed. Williams will be twenty-four years old on December 5, 1917, and declares that before that date he will Ipave the boxing game and never attempt a comeback. It is his purpose to" retire undefeated, but he will not dodge a match in the meantime with any bantamweight in the game. . /

PLAN NEW BASEBALL LEAGUE

Prbposed Clrcult IsScheduTed/to include Wichita and Top»kaFrom Western Association. Plans for a new baseball circuit ln> Kansas and Oklahoma have been started. The proposed circuit is scheduled •to include Oklahoma City, Wichita, Topeka, Tulsa, Joplin, Muskogee, Fort Smith and Springfield. Since both Wichita and Topeka Mad a disastrous season last year in the Western league it has been suggested that this league be made Class B. The total population of its towns would be 430,000.

SWIMS ACROSS TORONTO BAY

Slxteen-Year-Old Miss Achieves Quite ; Unusual Distinction In Canadian Waters. I Cans ’ -o has expert women swimme* ' Erith Hartley, a sb member of an associate ■* > %the difficult tqsk of ■t Toronto bay. Sb by Miss Wrion womax

out a parallel In baseball. It haff been put up to any number of umpires, players, and managers, and all contend they never heard of a similar happening on a ball field, Washington and Philadelphia were the opposing teams. The Athletics got away to a good start, and when the ninth Inning rolled around had plied up a big lead. down in the last half of, the - ninth, Eddie Atnsmith, the crack Washington catcher, hit for a single. With a lead of seven or eight runs, none of the Athletic paid any attention “to ATnsralth/who stole BecohcT on the first hall pitched and third on the second ball delivered by Chief Bender. Then some fan in the third base -bleaches yelled: “Finish up the job, Ed-

UTILE PICK-UPS -OF SPOOT

Speaking of the Athletics, why should anyone? * • • General Watts, 2:06%, has had seven new 2:10 trotters this *•• - ■ ■ Joe Borrell and Jack Blackburn fought a sensational six-round draw at Philadelphia. Some umpires are now enjoying * period of peace and quiet, and soma are married. Mixing politics and fcyrtball is th® latest, but why break up a nice, gentle game like football? Frank Chance made good In the Pacific Coast league the first year h® took part in the race. _ • * • . , < "■ _ ' . ,y. , . y A good deal of the baseball reform talk is like political and other reform talk: It stops at the talk stage. • * • A popular English billiard competition is the Crystalate cup series which attracted 4,582 contestants this year. * * * —Havana bugs art? looking forward to a highly exciting baseball season. Havana dubs don’t have to go South to train. Owner Britton of the Cardinals has joined the ranks of the National leaguers who are opposed to the player limit. '• * . Frank C. Bancroft, the business manager of the Cincinnati Beds, is th® Grand Old. Man of baseball at present He I* Past seventy. • • • The Auckland (New Zealand) BaeIng club’s report for the year ending June 30 shows that stakes valued at ¥212,750 were distributed. * * * They say golf isn’t an old man’s game, but ten Philadelphia sexagenarians have challenged any other V sixty-year-olds to a match. The United States mint has brok< a record by stamping 45,231,413 coin, this year, ofwhich number Freddie Welsh has collected quite ajeg. Ty Cobb, the superman, is looking forward to a highly successful season as a nimrod. It is said that he shoots; game with bullets made of nuxated lead. • • • Cleveland people get a lot of enjoyment out of boasting abont being the “Sixth city” in population, but the fans are not so jubilant about that rank In baseball. •** • , Bowing Is one of the most pop sports at the United States academy, two varsity, a frdr five mixed class eights '' the \■ Coach Bob Fo 1 is quoted as r coach of,/" football ! ' coach ... . . - *