Evening Republican, Volume 20, Number 305, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 23 December 1916 — Suspicions [ARTICLE]

Suspicions

"I’ve a new motto,” said the young man with a wide smile. “I’ve had It ever since a certain night last week and it is this —A danger at band Is worth two in the bußh.” “Admirable," commented his listener. “But why?” The young man with the wide smile made use of It. "You remember that little bachelor colony in the new apartments that is the envy of everybody who knows about it? Well,' the fellows asked me to Join them when Biggs got married. Was I tickled 7 Yes and yes! I was flattered that they should want me, and delirious with rapture at getting out of my hotel life. Baker spoke to me about it, and said that they wanted me to dine with t”em Wednesday night and talk it ovei. It was right there that I met Blgge and he took the joy out of life by warning me. “I shall never forget whether Biggs is just a practical joker and can’t help being a pest, or whether he was plain jealous* l because he had to leave the bachelor society on account of matrl riiony and mad because I was going to get his place. It must be awful when you’re deliberately putting yourself in ti e way of plumbers' and icemen’s Dills and whooping cough and relatives from the country to view a fellow man cheerily unincumbered by such things! “Anyhow, Biggs advised me to look out, saflng thet the fellows bad it all fixed up to give me an initiation that I would remember when I had reache& the last star in my journey thru the universe. It worried me considerably", for I hate to be made a fool — and what those chaps can’t think up isn’t worth much! “I went to that dinner prepared for horrors, and the way they received me confirmed my worst suspicions, lou see, they were so infernally cordial and simple and calm and quiet! I knew then that whatever it was it would be a corker, and I wondered •whether It was worth it. As the dinner progressed I had spells of believing it was worth it, for that Jap or t leirs is a cook for your life, and the thought of sitting down to meals like that every night was as balm. I expected things to happen during dinner — weak, schoolboyish things, like tabascc in the soup and soap for butter and cloth in the biscuit. x “But when none of these things developed my > heart sank. It was to be infinitely worse. Even the cigars weren’t loaded and the matches didn’t blow up. Whatever they had in mind was to be the superessence of cruelty, something I couldn’t imagine, some thing that would make me the talk of the town. Didn’t I remember the time this same bunch of fellows got Richaids on the top of his office building, 250 feet from the ground, and fastened the door to the elevators? He stayed there all night and the soot covered him as the covered the babes in the wood! /

“When they suggested running downtown to the theater I bad them spotted. They were going to wait till 1 was the center of 1200 or so pairs of alien eyes and then make a Roman holiday of me. 1 couldn’t get out of going, so I went— but I managed to be the last one on the street car and I swung off almost as soon as I on. Then I sneaked back down the street. They must have missed mo at once, for I heard them coming. “Melting gracefully into the background thru a prickly lilac hedge and behind a tree I turned up my coat collar and turned down my hat brim and It t them rush past. Once I tried to speak out, but they were in consults tion, and I slipped back. Finally they a»l piled back into their apar’ment, 1 suppose, in order to see whether I had gone back there for anything. 1 slunk out and posted myself on the steps, resolved to give them a large cold laugh when they came out, and to ted them I was on to their game and sinarter than they thought. “As I sat there I was vaguely interested in seeing the patrol wagon dash down the street and several policemen racing back and forth, buddeuly ther--was a shriek and somebody grabbed mo. •••

"‘Here he Is! Here he is, officer. I’ve (ot him!* the Amazon-squealed. And so she had! She had me by the hair of the head, and I couldn’t budge. It seems that she had gazed out her win clow just as I slunk into the shrubbery and disguised myself with turned up collar and turned down hat, and had matched me pussy footing after tbs boys. "That woman Will never forgive me for not being a dangerous character And the fellows will never get over my being arrested by a mere woman. And the awful part of it is that they were perfectly innocent of any idea oi hazing me. They were trying to be 1 perfect little gentlemen-and to give, me a good time. I hope Biggs’ wife poisons him with her attempts at cooking!” "I am afraid your nature is j rman cntly embittered from your expedience,” haid the hearer.