Evening Republican, Volume 20, Number 304, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 22 December 1916 — Page 2

Mrs. W. F. Atwood, whose illness has been reported in The Republican, is somewhat -improved today. Miss Ruth Wood has charge of the Christmas Savings Club for the First National Bahk. If she has not already* called upon you phone her at the bank or her home, Phono No. 444. The local postoffice clerks are deluged with Christmas mail and the fact that the trains are almost all late, makes it a great deal harder. All trains are running late on the Monon. This is due parti/ to the weather, the heavy travel, and the large amount of express and mail. Ross Porter is home from New York state. He returned by way of Detroit and his brother, Walter, who had been working there, came home with him. Cope Hanley will arrive Saturday from Nashville, Tenn., where he is attending Vanderbilt University, to spend the holidays with his parents. In 1904 the actual cash road and bridge expenditure in the United States averaged slightly lass than S2B per mile of rural roads. In 1915 the cash road and bridge expenditure had increased to an average of $lO9 per mile of road. Due to the heavy traffic of mail, many extra cle'rks «re being placed on the road by the government this week and some of the Rensselaer clerks went back to work today as extras. A steering wheel has 'been invented which can me tilted out of the driver’s way when entering the car. A spring latch locks the steering wheel in place at other times.

A dish rinser, in the form of .a broad spray attached to the hot water faucet, instantly and thoroughly rinses a large pan of dishes. cThe spray is circular in shape and at its center is attached to the faucet. Although a telegram from headquarters at Washington stated that the Third Indiana might go home for the holidays, no further word has been heard and the Indianapolis papers have made no report of it and the probabilities are that they will not be home. Does it pay to advertise? Hilliard & Hamillj one of Rensselaer’s greatest advertisers, report that they have increased last year’s sales over SSO per day. We were in their place of business today and their large number of clerks were just as busy as they could be. The Gifford Drainage Association is progressing nicely. Mr. Knoezer has found it impossible to serve as a director and John Marlatt has been elected to his place. An executive committee consisting of S. C. Irwin, John Eger and T. M. Callahan, have been appointed. This committee will be empowered to take charge of the proposed improvement at once. C. J. Hobbs and DeVere Yeoman have been appointed engineers and Abe Halleck attorney. John Worland, son of D. M. Worland, assisted by Harve Hemphill, recently manufactured a motorcycle propelled • bobsled, and since there has been quite an amount of snow on the ground have had a great deal of enjoyment. The front wheel of the former’s motorcycle was removed and a 'bobsled built around it. Quite a little speed can be obtained and the gasoline-propelled bobsled is attracting a great deal of attention. The driver of the sled ran into the curbing near the B. Forsythe residence Thursday evening and one of the runners of the sled was broken. Cough Medicine for Children. Mrs. Hugh Cook, Scottsville, N. Y., says: “About five years ago when we were living in Garbutt, N. Y., I doctored two of my children suffering from colds with;Chamberlain’s Cough Remedy and found it just as represehted in every way. It promptly checked their coughing and cured their colds quicker than anything I ever used.” For sale by B. F. Fendig. • C * Use our classy classified column. It will do the business. Do you know a successful business man who does not advertise? For the successful merchants of this city consult our advertisers. We carry the largest Classified Ad column of any paper in this part of the state, and the reason is that we get resulUfor all.

DEALER IN FT ' * A J uflill f A/vllllll l Lime. Ilriii ‘V ; RENSSELAER - INDIANA

Handle With Care

*‘l had a letter from Alicia this morning,” announced the woman in the tulle gown. "I am sure you will be delighted at the surprise she has for us.” am quite sure I will,” replied her husband. “Your sister was a charming girl. Did she say anything about the children?” "It was all about the children! Seven pages of it, all typewritten, and with strict orders that you and I shall memorise the contents at once.” ‘‘Alicia always was so humorous, wasn’t she? What’s the idea? I never knew her before to send us more than a postal with the stereotyped. ‘We are all well; hope you are the same.’” "This letter was quite different, ’ announced the '.woman In the tulle gown. "Alicia’s husband has been ordered by his firm to leave at once for China on an inspection tour. Alicia has always longed to see the orient, and so she has decided to accompany him. They leave in three days, which precludes their calling on us to bid adieu. She writes, however, that they will Intrust the dear children to our loving care until they return. c "The three little ones are coming with a maid and will arrive toMorrdw night at 11:45. Alicia wishes -us to meet them at the depot, and from that moment we are to care for her progency as per schedule.” "She isn’t afraid we wouldn’t feed ’em, is she? Or that we’d treat them cmelly or anything?*’ “Of course not! But Alicia feels that we are inexperienced in the care of children, and has thought it best to enlighten us.” “Huh! Each child will have a direc tious for caring tag attached to it, eh? Just like a goldfish, or a rubber plant?” “Directions are in the letter. Two pages on the care of Norbert, aged 2. Two pages on Willie, who is 4. And 2 on Marjorie, just 6.” "Now look here! Suppose we get those directions mixed. We might use Norbert’s directions for Willie. Or Marjorie’s on "orbert, or—” "Well, she says to memorize the mstructions thoroly. But”—the woman in the tulle gown read the letter again carefully—"there’s something wrong. Why, in these instructions marked ’Norbert,’ Alicia does not men, tion water! She explains minutely how to wake, feed, bathe, and put him tc sleep, but not a word about giving him a drink if he should become thirsty before they return!” "Then no water shall Norbert havePoor little chap!” “And in Marjorie’s instructions she never mentions sleep; and in Willie’s she says nothing of bathing!” "Then no sleep for Marjorie or bathing for Willie for six months! We’ll follow directions if it breaks our necks!” "We could send them a wireless.” "Stop. I know a better method, "brow away the instructions and we’ll use common sense in caring for Alicia’s kids. I am sure she will have every reason to thank us.”

Their Mistake Two soldiers of England’s territorial contingent were sent on a mission so far from headquarters that they had *o take an automobile. They were hungry on their return late In the evening, and seeing the sign board of an inn, they drove their car into Ihe yard and entered the house,by way of the back door. A pleasant faced old lad 7 appeared and addressing her, one of the soldiers said: “Now, mother, is there anything to eat?” “Well, you can have some nice cold heef, and if you care to wait half an hour, I’ll cook you some potatoes and a cauliflower.” “Ah! Worth waiting for, mother, arid the soldier. v She smiled approvingly, and told them to go into her parlor, “if they had a mind,” and study her stuffed birds and other curios. In due time they were summoned to the meal, over which they were glad to have her preside, for she talked very entertainingly. After dinner was over, one of the snen said: “Now mother, how much do we owe you?” „ “Oh nothing,” she replied, smiling. “There was plenty of beef in, and we grow vegetables ourselves. Besides, I’ve been very glad to (have vou/ “But look here, mother, I’d never have come in ordering stuff to eat without expecting to pay for it. You know you can’t beep an inn open for nothing. Now, can ysu, mother?” “No, I can’t, my dear lad. I don’t try to. This isn’t an inn; it’s the house next door.” Wanted to Make Sure A well known man recently lent hia grandson enough money to purchase » motorcycle. The money wan to be paid back by installments, the machine to remain the property of the grandfather until the last payment had been made The other day while out riding, the boy met his grandfather and jumped off his motorcycle. “Say, grandfather,” said the boy. “who does this machine belong- to?" “It belongs to me until yon have made the last payment. That was the agreement you know. But why do you ask?*’ “Well, I just wanted to makf sure, * the boy, with a griij. “Yogi motorcycle needs a new tire*

THE EVENING REPUBLICAN. RENSSELAER. IND.

The Accident of Birth

The larger of the two men who sat with dangling legs in the doorway of • .box car east bound over the flat, vind swept Nebraska prairies was telling the inevitable story' of his life, and neither noticed the brakeman who squirmed thru £the small end door and crept up behind them. Instinct raad4 the little man jump as his companion was propelled outward by tho brakeman’s foot. Sprawled along the right of way, each busied himself hurling a fluent string of profanity at the brakeman, the freight train and the railroad until the caboose had rattled by.

A vast farm fringed the right of way for miles, and just opposite the point where the two landed was the house of its owner. It was rambling, comtortable looking structure of stone and brick, fronted by a wide lawn dotted well kept flower beds. In the broad avenue circling past the front porch stood a big gray automobile Beyond, as far as the eye could reach, stretched the fields of grain. “Gawd, this is lonesome,” said the smaller man. "hirty miles from a tank and nothing in sight but distance. When a man’s got money enough to own an outfit like this what’s he want to live way out here for? Why don’t be live in town, ‘stead of being a hayseed all his life?” The big man spat disgustedly. ■‘Dairtn the town,” he said. "If this farmer ever got near a subway somebedy’d Jift all he’s got. Hd*S wise to stay just where he is. I’ll bet that house has marble shower baths and electric lights.” He passed his stubby fingers tenderly over a long red scar on his head. "Why, say, bo,” he continued, "for two cents I’d ask this here farmer for a job and go straight. Look at me. I never had a chance. I was borii in' a tenement up a side street, and I’ve been a bum all my life. Booze killed me in the ring. Take a slant at my head. That’s where a fellow took a shot at me when a coupla aces fell out of my sleeve. If I stop anywhere a bull taps me on the shoulder and 1 move on. Sometimes they take men in for luck and I get anything up to [ Six months. Just on my face. Why? Because I never got a breath of fresh air when I was a kid. My first job was picking pockets when It might a been fishin’ or doing chores ’round a farm. It’s what you call the accident o’ birth. “Now lookit this farmer. He’s on the square. Nobody can give him orders. If he wants to go to a show he’s got his own machine to run into town. He can travel like a millionaire while you and me’s riding side door Pullmans and gettin’ kicked off by a square head shack. Lookit the difference,, an’ then tell me what that farmer ever did to deserve what he’s got 'eept to do what he was taught—same as I did. If I’d been born on that farm I’d have a wad and a home of my own now. So would you.” The other man stood up and stretched himself. "The farmer’s just crankin’ up his machine,” he said. “Say bo, is that straight goods you pulled about asking him. for a job?” “Sure thing,” said the big man also rising. "Well, walk up there quick where the road crosses the track and ask him. Maybe you can land it it he don’t see me. I’ll duck. Fact is, I know the gink. He’s my old man. I waß sorn in that Louse.”—From Life.

Why He Called Again The manager of a factory makes it a practice of giving all his old clothes to one of his laborers, who is in poor c'rcumstances. A few months ago the manager told him to call at his office, as he had a castoff vest for him. When he examined the gift at home he found in one of the pockets a dollar bill. After a little study he decided to say nothing about it, just then, anyhow. A month later he went up to the manager, and the following conversation took place: “I’ve just called to tell you, sir that ti one of the pockets of that weskit you gave me a month ago I found a dollar bill.” “Good gracious!” exclaimed the astonished manager; “and you mean to tell me, you good, honest workman, that you’ve brought it back!*' “No, sir,” answered the laborer; “not exactly. I’ve called for another » weskit!” 1 He Had a Witness 1 One of Australia’s best landscape painters was out with his bag of tricks near Daylesford recently. He had pitched In front of an old two roomed, wattle and dab hut, softened with a .rimson flowered creeper, which he thought would make an excellent sketch. While he tvas working a hairy'man came out of the hut and regarded him with some misgiving. The hut dweller approached. "Watcher doin’ mister?" he asked. "I’m painting your picturesque i welling,” said Patterson. The hut dweller regarded Patterson dubiously for a minute, then went indoors. Presently he reappeared with his wife, and the tv o advanced toward the artist. “Mind yeh,” said the man, pointing at the painter. "Fve got me witness—you’re doing this at your own expense." . t & f >*' Women dislike a womanly man as much as men dislike a manly woman.

Fatal Oversight

"Why, I never knew you to act so, R’chard!” said his mother in the pain ed surprise with which parents are overwhelmed so easily. “I hate parties!” glowered her son, piteously. “I just hate ’em! Your col lar hurts, an‘ then’s girls, an’ you have to sit straight, an’ anyway, 1 just Late 'em! Honest, do I have to go?” "I might be announcing that 1 am on the point of conducting you to a massacre,” said his mother, indignantly, “instead of telling you that you are going to the perfectly lovely party Mrs. Bemis is giving! Why, the Bemises have a ballroom as big as our whole apartment—almost—and greenhouses, and there will be the music-r-” “I don’t care —’’ "And perfectly delicious eats,’ add <-d his mother, craftily. “Things so lovely you won’t know just what you nre eating—” “Like a taffy apple I bought for a nickel at the corner store, and it turn ed out to be spoiled inside,” said Rich ?.rd, gloomily. "I know those kind." “Richa d!” said his mother. “And \ou must take jjtour bath at once, while I lay out your clothes.” “Aw—l had a bath just three days ago—honest mother! Must I?” “Spread down the bath mat,” ordei ed his mother, ruthlessly. “And remember about back of vour oars." “Aw—do I have to wear that old suit?” besought her son when he finally emerged into the bedroom. "Old!” echoed his motho”. "You know very well it is your brand new suit. I’m ashamed of you! It isn’t every boy who owns one.” “I like my football suit better.” said her son, darkly. “I feel like doing ;liings in that. Why, if l tried to throw a ball in this, or shinny up a telegraph pole—” “You aren’t supposed to do such things at parties,” cried the exasperated mother, as she assisted hin, ‘You’ve got to learn to be a gentleman and to act nicely out in society—” “Society is girls,” said her son cyn Ically. “I hate girls! Always giggling and making fun—and afraid of their clothes. They’re no good at all. Why do I have to go and be polite to ’em when I hate ’em?”

"It will take somebody besides myself to answer that, my child,” said his mother, half to herself. Then with a guilty start she returned to the charge. “You ought to like girls, if you don’t. It is time when you were Inter ested in besides your messy football. No —not that red one—wear r’-is-necktie!” “Aw, I just hate that tie —” “And don’t lose your handkerchief, r..,r it is one of those that Aunt Emma initialed for you. “Don’t iam' it in your pocket way. And remember to hold it in your hand when you dance with the girls, so—” “Aw, mother!” her son burst out agonizedly. “Do—do I hafto dance? I don’t do I mother?” “Of course vou must dance,” said liis mother stonily. “Haven’t you been to dancing school for tk" l last two vc-ars? Certainly you must take part. And you must be sufe and ask Lily Bemis first of all, for it’s her party.” Richard stalked across the room with tragic step. “Her teeth stick out,” be stormed. “And she’s taller’n me.” “Remember to ask her,” insisted Iris Ji.other, “Here's your hat—and thank Mrs. Bemis for your good time —" “Huh! Good time!” , "And don’t take second portions cf the refreshments. Apd hurry &long, because you’re late.” v Richard’s mpther heaved a large sigh as he finally trudged away. “He’ll be so glad later on that he was made t.c do it,” she told herself. “And he did look so nice.” Richard returned with sparkling eyes and a quick step. “Well,” she cried, “did you have a good time, after all?” “Oh,” he replied, “you ought-a see .Skinny Fenton’s rabbits! There’s a black one and a speckled—” “Rabbit!” said hia mother, sternly 'Where did you see Skinny/’ “He was going to the party too,” ex plained her son, with nervous rapldi'y. ‘ We went together. An’ we looked an' Icoked —an’ honest, mother we could n’t find the doorbell. You never saw such a big door as the Bemises have; So after we looked all over, me an’ Skinny went back to his basement where the rabbits were. You —you rren’t mad or anything are you moth er?” . > “Oh, my, no!” said his mother, after the awful pause. “It was my fault en tirely. I see I shouldf* have given you a chart of the door, With the doorbell marked in red ink. And now tell me about the rabbits.” ~—,,

f It Had to Last ' Margaret Illington tells a story she Wid l|rom her father about Judge Hay ward, the first chief justice of the Ten nessee Supreme Court, who was the scandal of the state when he was in i iower court, because he would altnosi never find a man guilty, imprison him, or sentence him to death. He simph couldn't bring himself to do it. All toe other high officials of the state used to reproach and rebuke and argue with him, and finally once, when the rase was particularly flagrant, he did •igree to sentence a man to be hanged “But I want you all to understand right now,” he added, as he reached Tor a pen, “that this hangin’ has got to do you for two or three years/* •

CAUSES Of DREAMS NOT ALWAYS MYTHS

ODD THINGS HAPPEN DURING HOURS OF SLEEP '**■ * - / Scientist Proves That Dreams Can Be Produced by Suggestive Eperiment. “Oh you dreamed it.” Such is the godd-natured rebuff one often receives when insisting that such and ouch a thing must be so, or must have some foundation if one cares to proceed with an investigation of the mystifying circumstance. The writer once dreamed he was be ing hit upon the head with a wooden mallet by a man who had presided at a ward caucus on the previous evening. A night or two later he dreamed that the same man was again punishing him in the same forceful manner. Investigation proved that a cleat had been pulled off from the corner of the house where the writer slept and when the night winds were strong enough the dangling cleat played an irregular game of “bang” on the outer wall of the sleeper’s bedroom.

Prof. Carl E Seashore recalls a number of interesting experiments with the causes of dreams, made by Alfred Maury, another scientific writer and thinker: First Experiment—He caused himself to be tickled with a feather on the lips and inside of the nostrils. He dreamed that he was subjected to a horrible punishment. A mask of pitch was applied to his face, and then roughly torn off, taking with it the skin of his lips, nose and face. Second Experiment—A pair of tweezers was held at a little distance from his ear and struck with a pair of scissors. He dreamed that he heard the ringing of bells. Third Experiment—A bottle of eau de cologne was held to his nose. He dreamed he was in a perfumer’s shop. Fourth Experiment— A burning luci'er match was held to his nostrils. He dreamed that he was at sea (the wind was blowing thru the window) and that the magazine of the vessql blew up. Fifth Experiment—He was slightly pinched on the nape of the neck. He dreamed that a blister was applied by a physician who had treated him in infancy. Sixth Experiment—A piece of redtot iron was held close enough to him to communicate a slight sensation of heat. He dreamed that robbers had got into the house and were' forcing the inmates, by putting their feet to the fire, to reveal where their money was. Seventh Experiment The word Leonore was spoken. On awakening he. recollected this word, and found that he'had attributed to one °* the persons who had conversed with him in his dream. - , Eighth Experiment A drop of water was allowed to fall on his forehead. He dreamed that he was in Italy, that he was very warm, and that ne was drinking the wine of Orvieto. Ninth Experiment—A light, surrounded with a piece of red paper, was repeatedly placed before his eyes. He dreamed of a tempest and lightning.

NIAGARA NOW ON ‘DOUBLE TURN’

Sightseers May View Great Cataract Both Night and Day. The city of Niagara Falls believes in promoting progress. The people of that community have lamented for years the waste of perfectly good water that poured over the American rapids and falls during the hours of darkness without benefit of tourists. Experiments with searchlights failed to supply the needed illumination be cause the glare of the lights spoiled the effect. But_after ten years of experimentation an inventor has sue-

ceeded in devising a system of illumination which throws the light thru the water and subordinates the artificial illumination to the natural wonder. The new illumination was originally invented for theatrical purposes as a safety first method of lighting, but it has proved to be just the thing needed for stage lighting Niagara. Tl*e city of Niagara Falls has closed a contract "'under which the American rapids *and falls will l)e every night hereafter. The city’s enthusiastic publicity agent writes that “you have never really looked upon the falls until you have seen them pierced and lifted out of the darkness by a flood light of 506,000 candles. Men who have lived upon the brink of the mighty cataract a lifetime, who have seen it under every condition, in storm and calm, have said this, and they have the indorsement of the City of Niagara Falls behind them.” Hereafter sightseers will have special inducement to stay over night with resulting profit to the city of Niagara Falls. * ' v One of the best remedies in case of bowpl troubles is a partly beaten raw egg taken at one swallow. It Is healing to the inflamed stomach and jjfc. testines, and will relieve the feeling of distress. Four eggs taken In this manner in 24 hours will form the best kind of nourishment as well as medicine for the patient.

Hia Misleading Report. In a certain rural district town post offleo the contractions or abbrevlat ions generally in use were Aux. (auxi liary) and Asst, (assistant) postmen. An Irishman, employed temporarily in the postmaster’s piace during his ab sence, in sending av.ay his weekly report to the head postmaster, wrote u follows: » "Dear Sir: I beg to report that the ox has returned to duty and the as i has now gone on leave.” Lo/e and hate have good memories; indifference forgets. «

Her Rank Extravagance. Being economical is an excellent virtue, but’ old Skinflint had practiced this quality to such that with him it had becopre almost a vice. His wife was sometimes driven almost to the verge of distraction by his meanness. The climax came when they movdd into a new house. When old Skinflint was out his wife thought she would repaper the wajls of the drawing-room so as to make it look attractive and pretty. But when Skinflint saw it he nearly had a fit. “I don’t dislike the pattern or the color,” he gasped, purple in the face with rage, “but I do object to the way you have put it on. You extravagant woman,” he cried, "how dare you paste :t on?” “Why, how else could I have done it?” meekly answered his wife. “How else?” he retorted. “You should have tacked it on. You don’t suppose we shall always live in this house, do you?” A Little Problem. Jones—“l say, Smith, you are a good band at arithmetic?” Smith— I am considered very good. Why?” Jones —“Well, here is a little probiem for you. There was a man named Little, living in Dublin, who had a daughter. Now, she was in love with a chap she knew her pater did not approve of, so one day she eloped with him. When thetold man found out h r e was very angry, and at once followed them. Now, then, what time was it?” Smith (angrily)—“What time wa6 it? Hbw on earth do you suppose 1 can tell you? I give it up.” Jones (triumphantly)—"Why, a Little after two, of course.”

WIND CAVE LITTLE EXPLORED Hundreds of Passageways In Great Black Hills Cavern. Wind Cave, National Park, In the Black Hills, about twelve miles from Hot Springs, is on the DeadwoodDenver scenic highway—the “Triangle D" road of the West. Wind Cove enthusiasts claim that tills cavern excels the Mammoth Cave of Kentucky in splendors and in extent. Half a dozen Government sur veys have been made In the park. These and various private exploring expeditions that have been organ ized have accounted for some ninetysix miles of the resesses of Win<| Cave, but there are hundreds of passageways that have never been explored. No one knows to what depths they lead, or how far under the Black Hills they may take the explorer. The average visitor to Wind Cave, National Park, travels from six to ten miles underground and comdi forth into the daylight realizing that he has seen but a small fraction of this great cavern. Wind Cave takes its name from the strong current of air which almost constantly surges in or out of the entrance. It is said that this led to the discovery of the cave 16 1881.

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Lawyer Who Unearthed Famous Plltdown Relic Is Dead. Charles Dawson, discoverer of the Piltdown skull, is dead at Lewes, England. He was a lawyer and was 59 years old. Seldom has any discovery aroused such interest in the world of science aS that by Dawson of the Piltdown skull. Walking alopg a road from Lewes, Dawson noticed that it had been recently mended by peculiar flints which he traced to a pit near Piltdown Common. On examining the pit he found that laborers had dug out a “thing like a cocoanut,” and thrown the pieces on a rubbish heap. From that rubbish heap the greater part of a human skull was recovered,

FOUND OLDEST HUMAN SKULL