Evening Republican, Volume 20, Number 292, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 7 December 1916 — Page 3

BIRSKY and ZAPP

By MONTAGUE GLASS

z-[-\HE HIGH cost of living is ter- *• I rible expensive nowadays," “*■ Louis Blrsky the real estater remarked, as he seated himself opposite Barnet Zapp in Wasserbaure’s Restaurant. This observation had been provoked by a notice in the bill of Tare that on and after a certain date the 40 cent regular dinner would be Increased to 50 cents, and Zapp looked up from a plate of lokshen soup to indorse Birsky’s sentiment with a nod so emphatic that drops of the greasy fluid were scattered all around. “I bet yer,” Zapp said, cleansing his mustache with his lower lip. “Only this morning I see it costs Marcus Fast two thousand dollars for an automobile already.” 1 “You don’t tell me!” Louis exclaimed. “And Harris Shapolnik must also got to pay for some diamonds fifteen hundred dollars,” Zapp continued, while Blrsky w’agged his head from side to side and made Incoherent noises through his nose indicative of shocked surprise. “I always thought them two fellers was pretty saving with their money," he commented. “A couple of tighter propositions don’t exist at all,” Zapp agreed. “Then what do they go to work and buy all them things for?” Blrsky asked. '“Who says they bought ’em?” Zapp aiked. “All I says is that Marcus Fast “pays two thousand dollars for an automobile and Harris Shapolnik pays fifteen hundred dollars for some diamonds, understand me, but it was Jacob J. Rebfield who bought the automobile and Sam Pitz bought the diamonds. Also I could prove it to you, black on white.” Here he produced a clipping which tend as follows: BUSINESS TROUBLES Rebfield & Pitz.—Schedules in the bankruptcy of Rebfield & Pitz. cloak and suit manufacturers, were filed in the office of the clerk of the United States District Court yesterday. The principal creditors are as follows: Franco-American Woollen C0.?21,432.55 Kosciusko Bank (secured) 10,642.80 M. Fast & Co 2,080.45 H. Shapolnik & Son 1,525.00

“What did them Franco-American people pay for?” Birsky asked. “A steam yatch?” “I couldn’t tell you exactly,” Zapp replied, “but you could reckon twentyfive hundred dollars that Mrs. Rebfield must got to go to Palm Beach a year ago, understand me, and another couple thousand that Bertha Pitz is the Belle of the Boardwalk In Arverne last summer, Birsky, and that’s the way it goes.” “Them two boys certainly lived beyond their means,” Zapp said. “And it ain’t their fault that they didn’t live beyond Marcus Fast’s means and Harris Shapolnik’s means also, because when a business man starts in to live beyond his means, Birsky,' he’s got a downtown conscience and an uptown conscience. That’s why when Rebfield buys his automobile on Broadway and Fifty-sev-enth Street for net cash, he didn’t worry himself how much he owes to a couple of Canal Street woollen houses like Marcus Fast and Harris Shapolnik.” “Ain’t it funny how most of them extravagant fellers is got such an elegant reputation for good pay?” Birsky said. “On the West Side above Forty-sec-ond Street,” Zapp amended. “And that’s what I’m telling you, Birsky. Marcus Fast pays for Rebfield’s automobile, just so sure as if he would of

"He Didn't Worry Himself How Much He Owes.”

made out a check to the order of the feller that sold it» Birsky,.and all them diamonds Bertha Pitz wears should ought to be hanging on Mrs. Shapolnik right now. In fact, Mrs. Shapolnik don’t know it, Birsky, but Sam Pitz stole them diamonds from her.” Birsky shrugged his shoulders deprecatingly.

"You ought to bo careful what you are saying, Zapp,” he advised. “From a big mouth many a feller comes to pay fifty dollars for a smart lawyer to get a libel case thrown out of court already." “A rabbi would tell you the same what I do, Birsky. The difference between a sneak thief and a feller which Ilves beyond his means Is that thesneak thief robs only from perfect strangers.” “What do you mean —robbing?” Birsky protested. “According to you, if a feller buys a couple thousand dollars goods which he needs It in his business, understand me, on credit sixty days, y’understand, and then he couldn’t pay for ’em, understand me, Le Is robbing already. An idee!” “I didn’t say no such thing," Zapp declared. “All I says is if a feller buys a coppie thousand dollars goods which he needs in his business on sixty days’ credit, and he couldn’t pay for ’em on account he is buying for net cash an automobile which he didn’t need and couldn’t afford, understand me, then he Is robbing, Birsky, and that’s all there Is to it.” “How do you know Rebfield gives cash for the automobile, Zapp?” “A question!” Zapp exclaimed. “Automobiles is always sold for cash, Birsky, in especially to fellers which couldn’t afford an automobile, understand me, because if §uch a feller would buy one on ten days’ credit only,

“There Is More Fellers Feels Like Committing Murder the Day After One Delicatessen Supper.

and in between times his rent or life insurance falls due, understand me, it would take so much enjoyment out of riding in the automobile, Vhat right away he finds out the linings ain’t up to sample or the buttons ain’t sewed on correct or something. The automobile dealers figured it right, Birsky. I wish the waist business was on a C. O. D. basis, too. Because a concern which sells goods for cash, Birsky, never gets no cancellations from nobody.” “Never mind, Zapp. You would see that pretty soon the automobilers Would sell on credit, too. People ain’t going to be so crazy to buy automobiles, now that gasolene is shoved up so high,” Birsky said. “Well, that don’t change my plans any,” Zapp replied, “because the way the waist business is after Christmas, Birsky, if I owned the Hudson River and automobiles was run with water, I couldn’t afford a pushcart even.’* “Even so, Zapp, there’s lots of fellers in the delicatessen business which is obliged to run automobile deliveries, and for every penny they’ve got 1 to pay more bn gasolene, they stick two cents a pound on pastrami Oder Frankfurters.” “That again is something for a manufacturer of sodamint Oder pepsin tablets to worry about, not me, Birsky. Anyhow, Birsky, if cigar stores couldn’t sell cigarettes to minors under the age of sixteen, there ought to be a law prohibiting dlicatessen dealers from selling their machshovos to adults over the age of twenty-five. In fact, Birsky, if Kansas and Maine would go prohibition on delicatessen instead of schnapps, Birsky, not' only would it be better for business, y’understand, but there would be less crimes also, on account there i more fellers feels like committing murder the day after one delicatessen supper than ten minutes aftgr a hundred highballs, and don’t you forget it. And that’s only one reason why Rockefeller ain’t doing no harm by putting up the price of gasolene, Because when I am getting heart trouble from crossing Fifth Avenue at 4 o’clock in the afternoon, I wish automobiles was run, not -with gasolene, but w-Ith benedictine oder Lay rum 1 at a dollar thirty-five a quart.” “That’s where you’re making a‘big mistake, Zapp,” Birsky said. “Nowadays for an up-to-date feller, in a way, an automobile is, so-t O-speak, practically a necessity.” “A four thousand dollar automobile is a necessity 1” Zapp cried; “A fouy thousand dollar car I ain’t speakin’ about at all,” Birsky con-

THE EVENING REPUBLICAN, RENSSELAER, IND.

tinned. “Because for • thousand dollars only, Zapp, you could get a car mit thirty-five horsepower already, five passenger body, electric, self-starter and lighter and everything up to date. Suchva car is a gen’wine bargain a* one thousand dollars.” “IL you could afford the thousand dollars! Blrsky,” Zapp said, “which the way tie realestate business is dead nowadays, Birsky, you’ve got about as much chance as I’ve got to buy a thousand dollar automobile.” Birsky hid the lower one-third of his blushes in a cup of coffee. “The fact is,” he said at last, “I’ve got maturing on me this week for fifteen hundred dollars an endowment policy, Zapp, and if you would come up to my house next Sunday morning we’ll take a little run out to Ozone Grove, and I’ll show you them lots I was talking to you about.” “You mean them lots they threatened last month to foreclose on you, Birsky?” Zapp asked. Birsky’s face grew a shade more crimson. “I paid ’em two hundred dollars a bonus, and they gave me a three-year extension,” he explained huskily and gulped down, the remainder of his coffee. “How much was that mortgage?” Zapp inqdired. “Just fifteen hundred dollars,” Birsky admitted. “And do you think you would got

the money when the three years is up?” Zapp insisted. “I don’t know,” Birsky retorted, “and I don’t care, Zapp. Because we only live once, Zapp, and we are soon dead.” “Sooner, even,” Zapp concluded, “if you ride fast enough in automobiles." (Copyright, New York Tribune.)

Pearl Fishers.

It is a well-known fact that pearl fishers and divers do not live long. They often have to dive for 100 feet or more without any special outfit, and the strain wears them out before their lives are really half over. From a depth of 100 feet a pearl diver usually brings up two oyster shells at a time. It is exciting work. The diver never Irnow’s whether he has brought to the surface a shell inclosing a priceless gem or not. The Malay pearl divers are, perhaps, the finest in the world. When he is going to dive, the Malay slowly lowers himself (town from the side of the boat to the water and takes several breaths, each breath getting deeper deeper. Finally, he takes a tremendously long breath, turns head downward, and plunges into the ocean depths. In two, three or perhaps four, minutes his fornf is seen in the water coming up. His face is turned upward. His strong hands beat the water away from under him in vigorous downward sweeps. His face looks terribly strained. At last, breathless, exhausted, he reaches the surface and is hauled into the boat, where he quite still for a few moments, apparently exhausted. But in comparatively few minutes he is ready to plunge again.

As Bad as a Mule.

“Yes,” said the mighty hunter, “it’s an old gun, I grant you. But what times we’ve had together!”- He fondled it, stock and barrel, as if it were a child. “Ah, many a time I might have been a dead man but for this out-of-date weapon!” “Looks as though it had a rather hefty kick inf it,” said the young soldier. “Oh, I should say so j It’s got the fiercest recoil that any rifle ever had. That’s what makes it so valuable. Why, once out in the Rockies a grizzly bear was charging me. I fired —and missed. Believe me, if it hadn’t been for the fact that the kick ipjhis rifle jerked me back thirty yards'and enabled me to reload—well, I shouldn’t be talking to you today. Yes; it’s got a great deal of kick !” A, j Then they arose and gave him and his gun another.

REACH DIZZY HEIGHTS IN FOOTBALL WORLD

COACH FOLWELL AND HOWARD BERRY OF PENNSYLVANIA.

Colgate, Washington and Jefferson and Penn State are teams that have risen to dizzy heights in the football world because the new game has paved the way for them —removed the weight handicap they had to suffer in the other years of the beef era. Those three ( colleges have a small enrollment, the average being around 500. It’s an almost impossible task to recruit from such a small crowd of pupils a team that could match inweight with colleges where the coaches have 5,000 or more men to draw from. And so, in the other days, when mass plays were in vogue, it was rarely that

FOOTBALL TEAM IS FAMOUS

Panhandle Eleven Organized Fifteen Years Ago at Columbus, Ohio— Has Many Features. The famous Panhandle football team of Columbus, 0., organized 15 years ago by Joseph F. Carr, Who is still at its head, is one of the leading organizations of its kind in the United States. The team averages 180 pounds and has many features that make it stand out as a great eleven. There are six brothers playing regular positions on the team and every one of them is a star in his particular position. They are the famous Nesser brothers. They average over 200 pounds each, their total weight being close to three-quar-ters of a ton. The Panhandles, during the present season, will play a schedule of 14 games that will carry them all over the United States, for it is seldom in any branch of athletic activity that such an organization is found. Another feature of the team is the fact that all of the players are employees of the Pennsylvania railroad in Columbus and have been for a number of years.

CAPT. FRITZ SHIVERICK

Cornell Player Is All-Round Performer of High Caliber.-

GOLF PLAYED BY MOONLIGHT

Daylight Does Not Last Long Enough for Devotees of Philadelphia and J Cleveland. ' Cartoonists, dreams about golfers getting home to find their children grown up and their automobiles‘three seasons out of date are not so far off, if golfers at Cleveland and Philadelphia are to be taken as criterions. Daylight doesn’t last long enough for these devotees, and on bright moonlight nights |hiey play at thefr favorite clubs. . Replacing soiled balls with clean white ones prevents losing them, these golfers report. * i W ■■ , ■ ’■ ... '

the lighter elevens could nose out a victory over the heavier ones. They were crushed under the awful bulk of their foes. All that Is changed now. No longer Is there a premium on bulk. Brains, speed and trickery count far more than weight. And so this “Small-Fry Trio” gas gone out and whaled the wadding out of the biggest enrollment college elevens in z the country with startling frequency. Once it merely constituted a “practice game” for Harvard, Yale, Cornell, Pennsylvania and the other “big fellows” to meet W. J., Penn State of Colgate. But not now.,

SWEDES TO VISIT IN SPRING

Prominent Sport Followers Pledge Enough Money to Send Athletic Team to United States. The visit of a small team of American athletes to Sweden this fall is going to result in big doings in track sports in this country next summer. The appearance of the five American stars Meredith, Simpson, Loomis, Ward and Murray—in Stockholm, awakened in the breasts of the Scandinavian enthusiasts the desire to send a team to America, which so nearly bore fruit last June. Only a crisis between Sweden and the entente powers, which made it look as though King Gustav’s country was about to be embroiled in the big war, prevented the Swedes from sending along a team under Ernie Hjertberg that would have done credit to the northland. As matters stand now, there is pledged by prominent sport followers in Sweden enough money to send .a team of about 15 men to this country. It is felt that should the invitation of the New York Athletic club to the Swedish athletes be repeated? next spring, as seems likely now, there will ,be a popular subscription ample enough to finance a team of twice the size of the one planned last spring. The one factor that would prevent the meet, as It did last spring, is the military situation.

LATERAL PASS NOT POPULAR

Beautiful Play to Watch, a Ureal Ground Gainer, but Not Tried Often This Season. The lateral pass hasn’t been Used very often this year. Many teams tried it out in 1915 and found it too dangerous. It is a beautiful play tc watclira great ground gainer when it is properly executed. But. when it fails—ruin! The play is a sort of double forward pass, usually worked along the sidelines. The center passes the ball tc the quarterback and he flips it to one of his mates —usually an end —who has raced to the sidelines. Upon receiving the pass, Mr. End is supposed to hurl it forward to one of his associates, who, by that time, if on schedule, should be 20 or 30 yards nearer to the opponent's goal line. In this triple handling of the ball with the possibility of fumbling, hides the greatest danger. The next menace is in making the final pass. If the man elected to make the real run with the ball has reached his station and is “uncovered” by any of his foes, O. K. But the chances are- that one ol the enemy is lurking in that neighborhood, and when the final heave is made, said enemy leaps into the ozone, extracts therefrom the whirling ball and —blooie, blooie!

SPEAKER KEPT HIS PROMISE

Cleveland Star Sacrificed $2,000 in Order to Keep His Word With Pitcher Dubuc. Tris Speaker sacHSeed $2,000 in order to keepjfls woy4 with Jean Dubuc, the Tiger pitcherT Several weeks before the close of the season, Tria promised to go along on a post-season tour. Then came an offer to report the world’s series for $1,500, and another offer of SSOO to play an exhibition game in Cleveland. He turned them all down to-go barnstorming-

BOWLING STARS PLAN

Interested in New Interstate Tenpin Contest. Association Recently Organized In Detroit Will Be First to Conduct Intercity Schedule —Provides National Circuit. Bowling stars in every city will be Interested in the new Interstate Individual championship Bowling association, recently organized at Detroit. The association will be the first to conduct an intercity bowling schedule, and it provides an extensive national for Individual champion bowlers representing 12 of the principal cities of the United States. To produce champions to represent each of the large cities in this national circuit, separate preliminary tournaments open only to high class bowlers, will be held in each of the 12 cities selected during the month of April. 1917. In the preliminary tournaments eadh entrant muSt content in 50 games in blocks of five games, in the manner and ’time scheduled. and the bowler securing the highest total of pins son the 50 .games will be declared the citjr champion of this association and he will win the honor of representing his city in the final tournament for the interstate individual bowling championship. (> Champion« to Tour. When all of the city championships have been decided the 12 efty champions will make a tour of the 12 cities in the national circuit, in a body, from May 15 to June 1, 1917. The road schedule will be so arranged that each of the 12 city champions will meet each other in contests comprising seven, games each, making a total of 84 games, to be congested by each city chdmpion in the finals. The bowler securing the greatest number of pins in his 84 games will be winner of the tournament and will be awarded the individual championship honors. Prizes for Finals. The prizes for the finals will aggregate nearly 52,500, besides a magnificent diamond medal,.emblematic of thte individual championship of this association, will be awarded to the winner. • • Necessary committees to handle the first year tournament were provided for and a constitution, by-laws and rules were adopted. Franchises were awarded to Detroit, Toledo, Chicago, New York; St. Louis, Cleveland, Syracuse and Buffalo. The remaining four franchises will be placed among four of the following cities: Columbus, Indianapolis, Philadelphia, Newark, Brooklyn, Rochester-and Pittsburgh.

CAPTAIN DADNUM OF HARVARD

One of the Classiest of Gridiron Warriors and Excels in All Branches of the Game.

BASE STEALING FALLEN OFF

Are Players Slowing Up, or Are Catchers Becoming More Proficient in Checking Attempts? *~h A decided Change has come over the base-stealing ability of players during the past few years' and gives rise to the question: Are the base runners slowing up, are the catchers becoming more proficient in check! xig attempted steals, or has the straightaway steal given way to the sacrifice hit and the hit and run play? In both the National and American leagues there has Wen a marked falling off in base stealing, a feature of the game that has done much to add to its popularity. No team in baseball today even approached the New York Nationals of 1911,* 1912 and 1913, the three-time pennant winners. The old team averaged 320 steqlk a season over a stretch of three years, while this season the team that passed the 200 mark is the exception rather than the rule. In the National league base stealing has been falling off for some time, but the American league kept up well until this season. In 1911, six teams in the . American league stole more than 20® bases during a season, and in each of the three succeeding campaigns five teams went above thia mark.