Evening Republican, Volume 20, Number 260, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 30 October 1916 — Page 2

The Professor’s Scheme

By H. M. EGBERT

(Copyright, 1916, by W. O. Chapman.) “Why don’t I go to work, boss? Because there ain’t no human being what will give me work. You wouldn’t believe me if I was to tell you that I m a Yale graduate, and that my folks was as white as the driven snow, would you? Say, make it a dollar and Til tell you my story. • '■ . “Thanks, boss. Well, then, my name’s Theodore Van Trump, and 1 belong to the best families of Boston. And when I fell into love with Marian Richards there wasn’t a happier man this side of the Common. The only fly tn the ointment was Jim Burley, iny rival. He wasn’t a college man like, me, but he had the rocks, and I hadn’t. “she couldn’t decide which one of us she’d take.— T-lave_yau. both.’ she said. T love you both equal. If I've got to decide I’ll die an old maid. Can’t one of you boys make me take you?* ‘“That suits me,’ says Jim. ‘Same here,’ I allowed. ‘But how are we going to do it?’ asks Jim. ‘Let’s fight for it,’ says I. ‘Right,’ answers Jim, and we set to that night. “It was a closed and locked empty room, and the key was put on the floor before the door, and the one that first grabbed it meant ‘l’ve had enough.’ A sanguinary battle it was, gentlemen. We fought thirty-seven rounds by daylight and eighteen more by candlelight. And when it was over neitiier of us would have recognized the other. But neither of us grabbed the key. *‘l guess this won’t do,’ panted Jim, as he looked at me out of the corner of his mouth from the floor. ‘Samg

It Seemed to Have Settled Too Deep for Anything to Be of Much Use.

here,’ I answered, out of my forehead. You see our features had become displaced. gentlemen. ‘Let’s grab the key together,’ Jim suggests. ‘That suits me,’ I answered. And so we did. “Then Jim challenged me to a duel. We went into the woods and shot at each other at ten paces, then five, then three. We drilled each other like sieves, but we couldn’t kill each other. ‘This won’t do either.’ says Jim to me as we lay side by side in the hospital ward. ‘I agree,’ says I. Make it another dollar, gentlemen? No? All right, suit yourselves, then. “Well, sir, we tried all ways, including going up in bursting balloons and eloping with Marian. Neither of us could bring it off. When Jim had Marian half way to the altar I butted in and forbade the banns. When I’d got Marian down a rope ladder, Jim was waiting below with an ax to chop the rope before T reached the ground. And al’ the time Marian would have taken either of us; didn’t care which,in fact, so long as it wasn’t anybody else. “Ji th comes to me one day. ‘I got ft,* he says. ‘Got .what?’ asks I. ‘lt.’ says Jim, displaying a vial. ‘This was given to me by Professor MacStart,’ he says, ‘and it’s going to solve our problem. Let’s go to Marian’s house and we’ll all talk it over together.’

“When we got there Marian welcomed us like kings. ‘Have you decided which of you it’s to be?’ she asks. ‘l’m sort of getting tired of waiting, and it’s only fair to tell you that there’s a third party just butted in. Not that I care for him as I do you boys, but I can’t wait for you forever.’ " ‘That’s all right.’ says Jim. ‘My friend Perfesser Mac Start has agreed to help us out of our difficulties. It’s a duel,’ he says. a “‘Not for me,’ says I. Tve fought you enough duels, Jim, and you know we’re so evenly matched that neither of us could best the other, not even in a spelling bee.’ ; . “ ‘This Is different,’ says Jim.' ‘I have here a vial. It contains two doses of stuff. Inside one of these, doses Is a single drop of Perfessor MacStart’s famous mixture for turning the skin of white people black.”

“*I never heard of such a thing,’ says Marian. ‘Who wants to turn white people black?' " ‘That’s Just the point; nobody does usually,’ says Jim. ‘However, this is a case in point. This single drop of Perfessor MacStart’s famous mixture won’t mix. It’s just a drop, floating in the center of the bottle. It can’t be seen, heard, smelled, touched, or tasted. Naw, if we divide the contents of this here vial, one of us must get the drop and one won’t. It can’t be divided. It’s an original molecoddleole.’ “Tm beginning to get you now,’ j says L ‘The winner is the one what : turns black, and he gets Miss Marian.’ “•Never!’ screamed Marian, ‘l’na going to marry the loser. No black fellows for mine.’ “ ‘The winner is the loser,’ explains Jim Burley. Tn six to eight hours the winning loser, what was white, turns completely black, for keeps. The loser is the winner. He marries Miss Marian.’ “ ‘Not before I’ve had time to see he doesn’t turn black too,’ says Marian. “ ‘He won’t,’’ says Jim, patlent-like. ‘You see, he won’t swallow the drop. Ari'A he began to uncork the vial. ‘Are you ready, Theodore?’ he asks. “‘Entirely so,’ says I. You see, I ! loved the girl well enough to be willing to turn black if I couldn’t have I her. ■ I ' “‘Then come on,’ says Jim pouring out the stuff into two glasses. How they happened to be there ought to have puzzled me at the time, but It didn’t. ‘I think I’ve divided fair,’

says Jim, ‘and you can take whichever glass you want.’ “ ‘l’ll take the one nearest you,’ 1 says I. ‘Here’s health, anyhow.’ And so we drank. other dollar, gentlemen? All right; just as you please, of course. “We went home. All that night I kept feeling myself to see if I was black, but I felt just the same. I guessed I’d won then and went to sleep peaceful. When I woke In the morning I went over to my shaving ! mirror. I was as black as the ace of i spades, gentlemen. And it wouldn’t wash off. “Well, sir, you can guess how I felt. Jim Burley had got her for sure. ! What riled me more than anything else was my having took the glass nearest him. If I’d taken the other one I’d have been white Instead of black. Now I was black instead of white. I tell you, gentlemen, it made me sick. “I thought of all the trouble I’d had, getting my face bunged up by Jim, and then drilled full of holes, and falling nine hundred feet out of a blazing balloon. Just as “if I’d been a movie actor Instead of an ordinary decent, self-respecting citizen, and it got

me sore. “I had a try at alcohol, and brandy, and turpentine, but it seemed to have settled too deep for anything to be of ‘ much use. I thought of telephoning Marian to take me anyhow, but I knew that wouldn’t go. Jim had won her in fair fight, and —well, I had to , knuckle under. “Just then I heard a ring at the •door of my apartment. I went and opened it. An ugly-looking buck nigger was standing there. “ ‘What do you want, you black loafer?’ I roared, for I wasn’t feeling very kindly toward the colored race just then. He looks at me. ‘What, you too?’ he roars. And then I saw that it was Jim.

“ ‘Come in!’ I says, frostily, but still glad at heart. But he didn’t need the invitation, but just pushed me into my room and pulled the door to after him. And he bursts into a roar of laughter. “‘I don’t see nothing funny in your remarks,’ says I. But Jim only laughs the louder. ‘Have you tried turpentine?’ he asks. “‘I have, and likewise suds and alcohol. benzine and gasoline,’ I answers, huffily. Then the laughing fit took hold of me as well. ‘Say, Jim, you do look like a peach,’ I says. ‘Do you think Miss Marian will marry you now?’

“ ‘That drop must have divided,* says Jim. ‘Well, there’s no hope for either of us now, Theodore.’ “‘I dunno,’ says I. ‘I guess it’s up to us to commit suicide, if we ain’t death-proof, but there’s one thing to do first, and that’s to bash up Perfesser MacStart.’ “ ‘l’m with you there,’ I says. ‘When do we begin? __ _ - “ ‘Right now,’ he says; and then the telephone rang. ‘Excuse me,’ says I. “ ‘l’ll go with you,’ says Jim, kind of suspicious. “It was from Marian. ‘Congratuate me boys,’ she says. ‘I guess you’re together. I’m telephoning you from Atlantic City. The Perfesser and I were married at six this morning.’ “I don’t know that I need to say any more, gentlemen. UJ’ve been searching for the perfesser ever since, but I’ve never found him. In the intervals I’ve been searching for something to take the color off. I never found that either. Jim and I at last started to work*pur way through the states to find Mac Start. He started from San Francisco and I from New York. I don’t know how far he’s got, but I’ve reached Jersey City, as you see, and I hope to make Philadelphia by the end of the year. You don’t think It’s worth another dollar to help me on my way after my telling you this? Oh, all right, suit yourselves, gentlemen.” ■_ ~ - ■ .

Letting Him Down.

He —Your parents seem to have got pvertheirdislikefforme. ~ She —Oh, yes. At first, you know, they were afraid our acquaintance might lead to Something.—Boston Evening Transcript

THE EVENING REPUBLICAN, RENSSELAER, IND.

Matched Sets of Velvet and Fur

Every season presents us with matched millinery sets and usually they are combinations of velvet and fur. The neckpiece, muff and hat to match will set off the plainest of frocks or suits with an elegance equal to almost any requirement for afternoon wear. In the set shown in the picture mole-colored velvet and moleskin fur are put together with a great deal of cleverness and originality. Plain bands of moleskin and long tabs of velvet lined with satin form the hat, the muff and the neckpiece. The tabs are lengths of velvet cut into shallow points at one end. For tlie neckpiece a band of moleskin forms the standing collar and a velvet tab is gathered to it at the front and back. The turban has a band of moleskin about the coronet and one of the velvet tabs (wired along the sides)

Dressy Headdress for Little Girls

Tailored hats, sports hats, and plain hats, for every-day wear, start the season in September, but with October comes the time when all members of the family rejoice in the acquisition of dressy mill inery. The milliner is overwhelmed with orders, “for everyone, from grandma to the littlest sister, wants a pretty hat.and is in a hurry for it. The milliner’s worries are lessened if her customers come in with some definite Idea in mind and are not all at sea as to what they really want. Here are three pretty hats for little misses, which may help out in making a choice. They are all simple, childish designs, and they are the last word in dress headwear for little folks; At the left a dignified lady of eleven wears a hat with a crown of black velvet. Its droopy brim is covered with blue satin ribbon gathered along the edges. The brim facing is of blue satin also, and the brim edge is bound with a soft fur which looks Just enough like chinchilla to be called by Its name-, A piece of the satin ribbon Is laid over the crown and caught at the front with a cluster of leaves and little flowers. It ends at the back with a bow having banging loops and ends. At the right the pretty maid of five Is pleased over the possession of a white velvet hat edged with white fur. It is brightened with a rosette of ribboa and a few small flowers at the left side. The roguish girl of five, at the top of the group, wears a demure hat of gray velvet with a fiat velvet bow at the back. It is trimmed with a novel

draped over the crown, It is decorated with a pretty little cockade of silver which is set flat against tile coronet. The flat muff is covered with velvet and bordered with fur at each side. A velvet tab is shirred with several parallel rows of shirring, along one end, where it is sewed to the muff. The addition of the tab to the muff brings it into the scheme of the set but serves no other purpose. Turbans, or small hats, with cape collars and muffs to match, are made of all the shorthaired furs. Hudson seal, Alaska seal, ermine, kolinsky, squirrel, and, above all, moleskin, serve for high enveloping collars and short fanciful capes. These furs, bought in “plates” or bandings, are not hard to handle, and the handsome small matched set is not too difficult for the home dressmaker.

ornament like a strand of fuzzy silk heads on a chenille string. For very little girls there are bonnets of white fur, wd'rn with white fur coats and the tiniest muffs. It is a fad of the season to make the coat, hat? and little muff all of the same material. Wool velours, Bolivia cloth, velvet and other popular materials are used,. and smocking or shirring are effective in them.

Widely Known as Expert on Fashions Julia Bottomley is recognized as one of the best informed women's fashion writers in the United States. She knows exactly the needs and desires of women in the small town and country, for not many years ago she conducted a dressmaking and millinery Shop in a little city in Coloradb. And the articles she prepares for us are written with a view to meeting th® conservative ideas of the Indies or our community. The tawdry and extravagant are taboo with her. Leading wholesale and retail dealers and manufacturers of women’s apparel recognise In Mix Bottomley an authority and the editor of th® Ladies’ Home Journal has consulted her frequently. She is at present associate editor of one monthly fashion periodical. Isa regular contributor to another and is fashion editor for an important newspaper syndicate. Before the war Mrs. Bottomley went annually to—the-Paris fashion center, and since then has kept In touch by personal correspondence. W® publish these articles by special arrangement l Taffeta is always a staple silk, as far as fashion is cocerned.

Gales of GOTHAM and other CITIES

Gotham Hand Organs All to Be in Tune Next Year

NEW YORK.—One of the really great reforms long necessary is promised at last. Every hand organ In New York is to be tuned. There are 500 hand organs licensed. One of them Is in tune. George H. Bell, commls-

was possible only if he had the organ tuned at once, he, the organ and the monkev hurried to a tuner for treatment. The other 499 are at or about Broad and Wall streets every business day. Why organ grinders infest the financial district is a mystery unfathomable. With one exception no one ever has been known to give money to an organ grinder to play in themeighborhood of the stock exchange. Many persons give theixi-not ta-play or to cease playing.—. The one person who is known to have given money to an organ grinder to play is an Englishman, a member of the cotton exchange. On the afternoon of December 24, 1914, (full of Christmas spirits and patriotic sentiment, he thought it would be a noble thing to have an organ grinder he had met In South William street play “Tipperary.” He gave $1 to the music master. Every time the Italian stopped or tried to switch to another tune the Englishman gave $1 to him. From early in the afternoon until nightfall that machine ground out “Tipperary.” By that time everybody but the Englishman was an earnest supporter of the kaiser. It always has been supposed that the news of the large sum that one Italian got that day has Ted other organ grinders to hopethat some day something like that will happen to them just as the report of big winnings on the race track or the stock exchange leads persons to persist in playing in the expectation that someday they will be the lucky ones. Mr. Bell declares that he never will issue a license for. a hand organ again unless that hand organ has been tuned. All licenses expire December 31. 1916. He will withhold renewals until the grinders bring certificates that al) the bile and distemper have been removed from the torture

Thousand Seattle Men Spanked for Their Curiosity

SEATTLE, WASH.—More than 1,000 prominent Seattle men have actually been spanked with a rubber hose by Ed Murray, a clerk in the city-county building, because of their curiosity to look at pictures. The list includes

superior court judges, city councilmen, heads of city and county departments, dozens of lawyers, and an assorted crowd of others, some of them from other cities. Because each victim wanted to see his friend spanked the news has been kept quiet. “Have you seen the Seattle blackmail pictures?” whispered Murray to a fellow worker one day. “No,” was the reply. “Well, they’re going to be de-

stroyed tomorrow,” he went on. “If you want to see them I can fix it up for you.” Then Murray and his victim went through dark hallways to one of the long record vaults on the first floor of the county-city building. “I’ll keep watch,” was the next word; “they’re in the box in the corner. Just pick ’em out.” ■ ■ When the victim leaned low, the trusty rubber hose came into play. “Whack!” it resounded as it hit the victim where dad used to apply the paddle. “Wow!” wailed the victim. Murray, who is gray headed and always serious appearing, discovered he had uncovered a great indoor sport. His victim worked with him in decoying others, and Murray became a master in the art of swinging the hose. “Name, please,” he asks them, after landing the one swift blow. Red faced and twitching between agony and laughter, the victims gave their names and were recorded in Murray’s book, which now contains more than 1,000 names. , . „ , One man came■ all .the way from Everett, walked into the comptrollers office, went to Murray, and asked confidentially if it could be fixed up so he could see the pictures. Murray arranged it. And the man went back to Everett and sent down more victims. ,

Park Love Fashions in New York Quite Unchanged

jIjEW YORK—There’s absolutely no change in love fashions, says the vetiN eran policeman on the Central Park beat, near the entrance at One Hundredth street. “I’m patrolling a section of park where I played as a boy,

hour at a time, with not a word. “Do I bother them? Not on your life. 11l go out of my way not to bother them. I think there’s something wrong when a chap doosn’t want to spoonnow andthen. Onlyonce • wtrs I roiled—but even that passed away quickly. I came on my own boy spooning with a pretty little girl. What made me sore was that I coughed anti'blew my nose so as.to tip them. They were slow, so I roared out: ‘Kelly, come over here!’ “The'boy recognized inv voice and jumped with the girl, they tried to beat it but I told them to wait. They did and I told him I’d thrash him when I got home, and I told the girl I’d a good notion to spank her then and there “’‘No you won’t,’ said my boy. And then he walked off with his girl just as if he were my father and I was the son.” ,

Atlanta Has the Only Woman Veterinary Surgeon

A TLANTA GA—Miss Ruth Corker, fifteen years old, of Ornowood Park, a A suburb of Atlanta, is the only girl veterinary surgeon in the world. Treating mules for lockjaw or sewing up huge cuts in horses’ legs is childs play

for this girl, who learned her profession through her father and grandfather, both of whom are veterinary surgeons. She has a large number of animal patients. , “It takes a bai*rel of chloroform to jput a mule to sleep,” said Miss Qorker. “So I rope them down, inject cocaine locally and operate.” Miss Corker Is very pretty, with dark brown hair and hazel eyes. She wanted to do “something different” from other .girls, she said. This Is a

new and entirely unexplored field for women. There are woman physicians who specialize on human patients, but so far as is known this little girl is the only female “horse doctor” in the world. ' r Miss Corker is very much in love with her work. She has acted in ths capacity of helper to her father for so long that there is nothing In the lino of animal ailments that she is afraid to tackle.

sloner of licenses, is responsible. An Italian gentleman with a monkey and an organ stopped outside Mr. Bell’s residence one morning and Mr. Bell’s appetite was spoiled by the acidulous accent the <talian gentleman’s organ gave to what Signor Verdi had supposed to be among his sweetest and Mr. Bell went out’ and so frightened the Neapolitan jjy displaying a badge that the gentleman from Italy prayed for mercy, and when told it

he says. “I’ve watched the spooners from before I spooned myself up to now and I’ve never seen any change in love-making styles. The language of the day may change and the fashions in clothes may change, but not the antics of the smitten. “They sit the same as they did 40 years ago and they hold their arms all cramped tip for hours—same as they used. They look at each other’s eyes like the monkeys you see in the Zoo —just looking, sometimes half an