Evening Republican, Volume 20, Number 257, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 26 October 1916 — TRAINING TODAY'S BOYS AND GIRLS [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

TRAINING TODAY'S BOYS AND GIRLS

Mystery of Children’s Friendships Can’t Be Solved. USUALLY COME BY ACCIDENT They Are the Bource of Grave Concern to Many Parenta and Sometime* Should Be Tactfully Broken Up. By SIDONIE M. GRUENBERG. gWIffICT Margaret sees In that girl I fV can’t understand,” Calkins was saying, when the talk was. of the difficulty of getting suitable companions for the children. And Mrs. Calkins was quite right. Nobody can understand exactly. It’s just as great a mystery as the one that keeps your friend guessing why you married your husband, or wife, as the case may be. Johnny and his friend were chums for many years because they had the same birthday; and Grace and Gertrude found each -other through writing the initial G in the same way. But another little girl with flaxen hair and pale eyes selected her friend because the latter hud such nice dark hair and skin and eyes. You may not be so sensitive to color; yet It was the wearing of a red apron that gave Mabel Henderson a lifelong friend. Not that she wore the red apron all her* life —that only started the friendship. The fact 1* that Margaret herself could not have told why she was so attached to her friend. It takes only a trifle to start an association —a casual meeting on the street corner waiting for a favorable opportunity to cross, being admitted to school on the same day, or being fascinated by a gap in another’s row of teeth. But after the beginning is made almost any two children can learn to like each other fairly well, and the longer they associate the better they come to understand each other, the more accustomed they become to each other’s ways, the harder will It be for them to give each other up. Children’s friendships are not deliberate, calculated selections; they are haphazard growths. They can therefore not be reasoned about to any purpose by the parents, and much less by the children themselves.

If they are accidental in their beginnings and habitual in their continuance, these childhood friendships are nevertheless a source of grave concern to many parents. Margaret’s mother could see in the girl’s friend many things that Margaret herself could not see, and many of them were of a kind that she would rather not have in her daughter’s immediate neighborhood. Mrs. Calkins remembered the story that they used to tell the children years ago, about the barrel of good apples with the single rotten apple, and the sad fate of all those good apples. And she feared that Margaret would “catch” all the faults of her friend. That is why she made heroic efforts to discredit that young lady In Margaret’s

estimation. That is why she said things about her daughter’s friend that she would not permit anyone to say about her own friends —true or not true. And that is why she failed to wean Margaret from her friend. For the child of normal sentiments will resent bitterly any aspersions on those he likes. He will not have anyone tell him of his mother’s faults, nor will he listenr to adverse criticism of his friends. He is not concerned with the truthfulness of your criticism nor with your good intention in telling him. Every attack upon those he likes is a challenge to his loyalty. And the more you rail against his chum the closer grows the attachment. A four-year-old boy, Recently moved into a new neighborhood, made the acquaintance of a lad of his own age but of a very different set of manners. The mother of the first boy seriously warned him not to associate with Bob, because he would be sure to spoil his speech and his manners. Bob used such language f And from time to time he would even spit! Hector listened reflectively, very much impressed. At last he caught the Idea. “Well, mother,” he said, “that will be all right. I won’t let him make me bad, and I’ll make him good Instead.” While we all know that one child can “spoil” another, we must admit that there was some reason in Hector’s reply. Children do influence one another, and the influence for good is ju«t as real and Just as effective as the Influence for evil. If we fear that on the whole the eril influences prevail, our remedy must not be sought In the Isolation of the child, for such isolation is at least as bad as anything that can be acquired from unselected companions The remedy lies In two directions. On the one hand, the child

that

with an undesirable friend must b# encouraged to extend his circle of acquaintances ; on the other hand, the Influence of the home mmit be strengthened in the hope of counteracting any evil Influences that may emanate from the “bad” friend. One need not be on the lookout for trouble; but If the language used at home is above reproach the careless speech on the outside may extend the vocabulary without much danger of permanent harm. There are extreme cases in which 1C seems desirable to separate a boy or girl from an undesirable companion. In such cases the surest way of strengthening the affinity Is usually to makn some show of opposing It. Every attempt to arouse antagonisms only stimulates the mutual interest. These facts mnst not be taken to indicate that th« proper course lies in a series of eulogies In honor of the undesirable one. The first step is to Ignore the friendship as completely as possible. Then an effort must be made to substitute new interests for the old friendship and to reduce the occasions for intercourse as much as circumstances will permit If the parents will find or make opportunity to take the child out of his usual surroundings in their own company they will generally find tnat the new Interests will develop simultaneously with the fading of the attachment for the person to be divorced. The other side of the problem is the encouragement of young people that yon consider worthy companions for your children to come into more fpp-

quent association with the members at the household. But there Is danger in overdoing this also, unless we have exceptional tact and insight We meddle with fate in any case at our own risk.

She Feared Margaret Would “Catch” All the Faults of Her Friend.

Hector qListened Reflectively.