Evening Republican, Volume 20, Number 247, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 14 October 1916 — Jasper’s Experiment [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

Jasper’s Experiment

By HAROLD CARTER

(Copyright. 1916. by W. G. Chapman.) “What’s tho matter, father? Get a new craze?" inquired Mehitabel Balaam, as she handed her husband his third cup of coffee at-breakfast inthe farmhouse. “I have. Mehitabel,” answered Jasper Balsam, looking first at his wife and then at his son and daughter, Junius and Oetavia. “Well, don’t bottle it up longer than you have to, father,” said Junius, stlrrinp up his egg. “It’s this,” said Jasper. “Last Sunday in church the minister was saying that the '(vorld would be a better place if everybody said exactly what he was thinking. Now why can’t we start a movement that wIR revolutionize social life in this country? Why ain't we have done with hypocrisy and say just what we want to say?” “I’m willing.” announced his wife. “Lord, there’s a whole heap of things I’ve wanted to say for years and never had a chance to. I want a new silk dress.” “Don’t talk foolishness, Mehitabel,” said her husband severely. “I mean sensible things. For example, this egg’s cold. Now usually I wouldn’t say it was cold. I’d just eat it. But if we agreed to speak our minds, nobody could take offense.” “I’m willing,” replied his wife again. “When do we star! ?” “We start now,” said Jasper Balsam,

and there followed a few minutes of ominous silence. “I have been thinking, Mehitabel,” continued Jasper presently, “that at your age—fifty-two, and you looking considerably older than that, that you /Might to have learned Jxt jnakfi-a~ple-by now. When a man sits down to breakfast, he expects a piece of pie that is pie, not cinders and dough.” “True, Jasper.” replied the wife. “I shall try to do better. But what a discouragement it is to sit down facing a man with scrubby black whiskers and to know I’ll have to go on seeing that face till I die. Not that I want you to shave, you understand, Jasper, my dear, because your face is worse than the whiskers.” “Well, say!” began the farmer, and then he checked himself. “I don't knovtf that I haven’t had as much to suffer seeing your face" so long, my dear,” he said. “You wasn’t a beauty when I married you, but I didn’t reckon your complexion would get so like a tortoise shell tabby cat’s.” “I was thinking, Octavia,” put in the son, “that since you haven’t any fiend’s temper which you inherit from pa, you might as well go out and work for yo\ir living.” “That’s odd, Juny,” answered his sister. “I was wondering why you don’t hustle a bit more, instead of going around like a dressed-up dude, that all the girls laugh at.” “What do you mean?” stuttered Junius. “Why, the girls say, if your face isn’t a cross between pa’s and the blue-nosed mandrill’s, it’s near enough.” “Come, children,” interposed their mother, rising, “let’s leave father to himself. We don’t have to see him all the day, so why should we?” Jasper experienced the sensation Ms latest reform was uniting the members of his family against him, likefds earlier ones. He resolved to persevere, however. Later in the day, as he was smoking in the parlor, he heard his daughter’s voice raised outside. “How long have Jim and.l got to wait, ma? Father won’t consent to our marrying, I know, and We’ve just got to wait till he drops off. He’s good for another thirty years, the old brute!” i “Well, what about me?” cried the son petulantly. “Don’t I want to get the farm, Instead of being hustled to death on n dog’s wages? Why can’t we get rid of the old man and enjoy lifer’ v. Ip*- .•*. - * .

“Heaven knows Tve wished it long enough,” said their mother. “Hilt what’s the use of wishing? If I hqd the 'nerVe I’d put poison in his coffee, but I haven’t—so there." Jasper Balsam turned white with rage. lie had always been a kind father to his children, he had thought his wife loved him. And now his daughter wanted to marry Jim, a a shiftless sort of fellow who seemed the Inst person on earth for any decent girl. He had never suspected that! And his wife wanted to poison him, and all three longed for his death! He Jumped out of his chair. “Lheard you!" he bellowed. “Now I kruyw your hearts, thanks to my new plan. You witnt me dead and out of the way, so that you can handle tho old man's money, do you? I suppose you’d, like to--geL.married again too, Mehitabel?” •"I would,” nnswered his wife promptly. "I’d like to marry a man without scrubby black whiskers, who didn’t chew tobacco.” “And I wish —I wish I were rid of ye all r snorted’ cue farmer, turning away. He went back into the parlor, filling it with a cloud of smoke as he puffed ■frrorosely at his pij»e.’ That had always been his privilege; unlike many women, Mehitabel had never raised objections to his smoking anywhere in the house. She had been a good wife to him, and he had never guessed the feelings which she had harbored in her heart. His children, too —what vipers he had been nourishing! He had offered to send the boy to college, hut Junius had declined. And Oetavia had been- promised a new piano and music lessons only the day before. He stalked angrily upstairs at length and shut himself up in the spare room. His mind was filled with turbulent and vindictive thoughts. If they did not want him around he would go away, but he would no longer support them. Suddenly he heard low voices in the hall outside his room. At first he could not distinguish what they were saying, but then he own son speaking. “Of course father means well, if he wouldn’t take up with those crank ideas,” he was saying. “I think you were too mean for anything, Juny," protested Oetavia. “Saying that you wanted to get rid of him so as to have the farm instead of being hustled to death on a dog’s wages!” “And what about you, calling him an old brute and wishing him to drop off so that you could marry Jim Griggs?” demanded Junius. “You knew I didn’t mean that!” cried the girl. “When I marry I’m going to try to find a man as good as father. I was just pretending in order to teach him a lesson. But you—you let the thoughts out of your heart!” “No I didn’t either, Tabby, because he to college any time I wanted to. And it was nia who started the gamersaying she wanted to get married once more, and talking about pa’s whiskers.” “My dears, I wag trying to teach him a lesson,” answered their mother. “I’ll tell you a secret. It was your father’s whiskers that made me fall in love with him. There!” But Jasper Balsam was outside his door, smiling a little sheepishly, and fingering his whiskers as he spoke. “I guess you fooled the old man all right," he said v - “But the system ain’t a had Only I forgot to say, we must only speak when we’re thinking of pleasant things.”

“Your Face Is Worse Than the Whiskers.”