Evening Republican, Volume 20, Number 240, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 6 October 1916 — FINNEGAN’S PHILOSOPHY. [ARTICLE]

FINNEGAN’S PHILOSOPHY.

On The M«rry-Go-Round.

“Faith an’ now Wilson’s for protection. Four year agone he was agin it, for it was agin the eonstychooshun. Now that be if for it, that immortal insthrument has also changed Its mind. He makes me head shwim. “But good company. Brjan an Garrison, the civil service Dimycrats, and the rale Dimycrats, the Passyflats an’ the vulgar sowls that’s none ‘Too Proud to Fight’—they’ve all been on the Merry-go-round. Some iv tblm turned sick. “ ‘God bless ye—ye’re a good man, but ye make me dizzy,’” says Bryan, leppln'from the Hobby-Horse and runnin’ for the woods. ’l’ve a glnywine raygrit at losin’ ye,' says Wudthrow trhn a Cocked-Hat iv the vintage of 1909. •‘ ‘Here’s the Army bill.” says Garri son. ‘How does It suit 0- he ases. “ ‘Fine,’ says Wudthrow, ‘barrin’ a few changes. 'Ye’ll redraw it,’ hi says, ‘to provide,' says he, ‘voluntaif universal service in a Federal Mlllishy,’ says he. ‘eonthrolled be the states,’ says he; ’an recruited be spiritual compulsion,’ says he. ‘lt shud be nayther too large nor too small’ says he; ‘or maybe both,’ he says; ‘an the ammynltion,’ says he ‘must be nayther too much, nor too little,’ says he. ‘l’ve to see Hay, before I decide the daytales, for ’tis me j’ooty to kape an open mind,’ says Wudthrow. “ ’Stop the music and lave me off,' says Garrison. ‘Are ye crazy or am I?’ Garrison moans, layin’ on his back an gazin’ wildly at th’ sky. ‘God bless ye,’ says Wudthrow. ‘l’ve a near-real raygrit at losin’ you,’ he says. And as Garrison beats it to Jarseythe Merry - go-Round plays a side step. “‘F’what Iv the Navy,’ says Kitchin. ‘lt shud be thur’y adequate ivrywhere,’ says the Great Idaylist, ‘except in Montany, where we need no Navy,’ says he, ‘and in St. Louey, where it shud be the biggest In the world. We'll be none exthravagant like thlm Raypublicans,' says he, ‘so here’s the Dimycrat bill ye'll pass,’ says he.

“‘But this same is the RaypubUcan’s bill,’ says Kitchin starin’. ‘Ye'll go an’ pass it,’ says Wudthrow, pounding the desk. ‘Hooray,’ says the black Raypublicans votin’ for the bill. ‘Do I dream,’ says Kltchln. ‘lf I Iver drank, I’d t’tlnk- I was boozed,’ says Kltchln in a thremblin’ vice. And he falls off. “ ‘How about the Army bill,’ axes Hay. “ ‘Through an’ instant preparation for deflnse must be the wurd,’ says Wudthrow, wld heroic rls’lution In his eye. “ ‘I have here a bill,’ says Hay, ‘providin’ for an Increase Iv five hundther men a year for twinty year,’ he says; ‘an’ amynishun for six hours’ acksun,’ be says; ‘ ’twill make us safe from maddygasker, measles, muckrakin’, millt-rism and Tnarltal Infldlllty,’ he says, ‘an’ we’ll catch Villy before he dies av he doant die before we catch him,’ says Hay. “ ‘Embrace me,’ says Wilson. ‘Oh Hay afther all preparedness is a matter iv the heart an’ not of guns or forts. Did Cleveland ivlr give ye a job?’ he axes, stoppin’ short like. “ ‘Dlvil a wan,’ says Hay. ‘Thin’ says Wudthrow shakin’ the both iv Hay’s hands cordial like, ‘for yer patriotic service in so bravely .sipportin’ me policies,’ he says, ‘ki all their phrases,’ he says; ‘I make a Judge iv ye’he,* says he, ‘as well as yer fried that ye put in the Joker,’ says the Prisidint ‘Howly Saints,’ says the preparation S’nitors. “ ‘Ph-what-does this mean at all at all.?’, they axes. ‘l’ve the wan thrack mind,’ says the Presiding ‘an’ ye go all through me train iv thought before ye come to the pork car,’ says he. ‘Are ye on?’ axes the Apostle Iv Common Counsels. “ ‘We’re on,’ says the Sinltons, falling off. An’ the Merry-go-round plays a Wilson Waltz (which ye know, Jawn, is wan step forward, two steps back, hesitate and' sidestep). An’ Tumulty goes out to spread the glad tldin’s that the preparation p’rade will be led be the Presldint in person. “ 'How does he save his face?’ asked Malumphy. “ ‘Wld his mouth,’ responded Finnegan dryly.