Evening Republican, Volume 20, Number 240, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 6 October 1916 — Finnegan’s Philosophy [ARTICLE]

Finnegan’s Philosophy

Single Track Minds

“What Is he?” asked Finnegan. “Sure at Injalnuypoles he said he was full of Annymated Concerv'tlsm. Fwhat’s that, ye say? 'Tls the turn-table on the wan thrack mind. It kapes spinnln’ round and round an’ dlvil a man can tell fwhat switch It will pick up. It dlnnau Itself. So ye dhinau where to lay for it. " 'Twas so wld the arrumed freight ships. ‘They’re not warships,’ he says, ‘onless 1 change me mind,’ he says, ‘which I have,’ he says, ‘an’ anuywau who says so Is a liar,' he says, ‘but I refuse to discuss It,’ he says. ‘l'll pass the buck to Congress,’ he says, ‘on’y I won't,’ he says, ‘for 'tis no business pf Ghotra, ■ h P ‘though they must, vote on the resolution,’ he says, ‘to show where they stand,’ he says, ’hince ye’ll lay It on the table,’ he says, ‘an’ thin they 'can’t vote.’ says Wudthrow to Stone. “‘lI—thought I seeu a fallacy,’ says, Stone, timid like, but the Great Idaylist brung down his flsht wld a t'ump. . - , •‘ ‘Table the rlsolutlon,’ says

away goes Stone. “‘Pwhat does this mean?’ axes the Slnit. “ ‘Glntlemen,’ says Stone, weepin’ bit ter iy, ’ye can frisk me. But things the orders,’ says Stone, ‘an’ If anny man Iver knew fwhat It meant he’s kep quiet about It.’ "So wld the llglrtln’ wurd. ‘We’re too proud to fight,’ says this turrlble man to a bunch iv just-overs at Phlla delphy. ‘Haw-haw-haw,’says the wurled (a laugh gets his goat, Jawn). ‘I was thinkin’ Iv somethin’ I didn’t gay/ yells Wudthrow. ‘Haw-haw-haw,’ says the wurlil, laughin’ to-split. "Be this an' be that ‘Too Proud to Fight’ has made the reppytashun Iv Wudthrow. ’Tls like the Monroe Doctrine to Monroe or Emanshlpashun to Lincoln. 'Twas thranslated into ivry tongue. —’Tis better ~fcnown~ than the twenty-third psalm or the famous oration iv the Guv'nor iv North Carliny. If an Asha ntee poked another in the eye he’s give him the coon f’r ‘Are Ye Too Proud to Fight?' an’ they'd both laugh befure they wint to the flure. All the recruitin’ signs abroad had It, an’ the shame 'ud bring three recruits where ‘Tipperary’ or rum wud brlng wan. ‘Oh, won’t ye plaze stop laughin?’ 'says Wudthrow, but they laughed the more. So he sinds Jim Ham Lewis to explain. He’s called Ham by reason he’s so fond of pork. “ ‘Three thousand years agone,’ says Jim Ham, ‘or maybe less,’ says he, ‘an ould Dago said, “Non Dinny Carey win Kerry” ’♦ (or the like o’ that, Jawn. It means not to have a chip on yer shoulder.) ‘Non Dinny Carey win Kerry,’ says Jim Ham, ‘an’ Julius Sayzer,‘ says he, ‘an’ Tolmy Phlladelphy,’ says he, ‘an’ the Earl iv Cheatem,’ says Jim, ‘an’ William Haltch Seward,’ says Ham, ’an’ a lot Tnore l forget,’ says Ham, ‘who felt the same way,’ says Jlp, ‘although,’ he says, ‘they nlvlr said so,’ says Jim Ham to the Slnit. “ ‘Now,’ says he, ‘how, I axe ye, cud the Prisidint know that the cultyvaded Christian aujience,’ he says, ‘iv immygrants,’ says he, ‘wud fall to grasp the nooance,’ says Jim Ham. ‘An’ Jawn, they shut the dures the way the people wudden’t see the Slnit lose its dignity.’ “ ‘Fhwat’s a nooance?’ asked Malumphy. ‘“ ’Tls a sort Av Intellectual gold brick, replied Finnegan, slightly puzzled, ‘be which ye say fhwat ye doan’t mane an’ mane wye doan’t say. The nooance comes out Iv It somehow. ’Tis it,’ he added after a short pause. ‘I cudden’t tell thim apart.’ “ ’Weil,’ said Malumphy, ‘the single -terack mind gets nowhere, I’m thinkin'.’ ‘Th’ gauge is none too broad,’ replied his friend, *an’ the thraffic’s heavy,’ he added.” ♦Non Dlnlcare est Vincere.