Evening Republican, Volume 20, Number 225, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 19 September 1916 — Some Laugh at These [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

Some Laugh at These

Explained. “How do you conquer your elephants when they get on a rampage?” queried the new reporter. “Oh,” replied the manager of the menageries, “we have an ex-baggage master to look after them.” “An ex-baggage master?” exclaimed the astonished pencil pusher. “Yes," explained the other with a look that indicated his sorrow for the other’s stupidity. “It requires a man who has had experience as a trunk smasher. See?” _

Hot and Cold.

Omar —I made a cool hundred at the race track last week. Helny —That’s good. What did you do with It? Omar Oh, it soon burned a hole In my pocket.

Eifual Rights. Newed (a week after marriage)—By the way, dear, don't sit up for me tonight, as I may be detained downtown until after midnight. Mrs. Newed—Oh, very well. And in case you should get home before I do, kindly leave the gas burning in the hall, will you?” Business Point of View. “If I could write a play as great as *Hamlet,’ I would be content to rest on my laurels,” said the ambitious author. “And the chances are,” replied the successful theatrical manager, “if you wrote a play as great as ‘Hamlet’ in these days and times, you would be compelled to rest on your laurels for lack of any other support.” His Helpmate. “Never mind,” said the poet as he tossed the rejected poem on the floor, “I’ll set the world ablaze yet 1” “And just to help you get the conflagration started,” said his better half, as she picked up the aforesaid MS.; “I’ll light the fire in the cook stove with thls/^ — - Thought It Settled. They had been trotting in double harness for six long months. “Why is it,” queried the young wife, “that you never make me any presents like you used to before we were married ?" “Well, it’s like this,” explains the

victim of leap year, “after acquiring a title to a piece of property, a man naturally supposes there are no more installments to pay. Get me?” Somewhat Different. “Has the parson got through with what he had to say?” queried the man who had been enjoying a nap. “Yes, long ago,” replied the man In the adjoining pew, as he tried to strangle a yawn, “but there is no telling when he will conclude.” Sympathetic. “I have Iqst the manuscript for a book of poems that it took me nearly five years to write,” sighed the longhaired party. ■ “Too bad!” rejoined his friend. “But, of course, your loss is ,th<> public’s gain.”

Spiteful.

“I have fully made up my mind never to marry,” said the first dear girl. “W h a t’s the matter?” queried dear girl the second. “Has your father lost all his money?”