Evening Republican, Volume 20, Number 215, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 7 September 1916 — A Lesson in Matrimony [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

A Lesson in Matrimony

By H. M. EGBERT

(Copyrigut, 1916. by W. G. Chapman.) “And she concluded little Mrs. ■Clemons, “the truth is my husband Is brutal, and so I have come back to be among friends while I am saving up enough money to get my freedom.” There was silence at the table. Every one of boarders felt that in .away Dora Symohs’ action was a reflection on the establishment. Dora and Charles Symons had met there, became engaged and married, all within the space of the preceding year. And the Wentworths, the Fields, and the Stuarts had met and mated and were still living under Mrs. Jones’ hospitable roof. “I always knew Mrs. Symons was quick-tempered,” said Herbert Wentworth. “But it’s so absurd,” said Mrs. Clemons. “Just because Charlie is a little hasty—why, she knew herself that he was quick-tempered before she married him. And just because he complained of her cooking and threw a slice of pie across at the Cat —that isn’t cause for leaving him.” “We must influence her to go back to him,” said Mrs. Field. “We can’t,” said Mrs. Clemons. "She thinks we all sympathize with her against Charlie. What can be done? She came here to get our sympathy.” Then Jim Stuart rose up. “She’ll get it,” he said. “She’ll get it thick, and she’ll sop it up like a muf&n.” “What do you mean, Jim?” asked his wife. ~ “Children.” said Jim, “come hither and put your heads together, and I’ll tell you.” He had just finished telling them when Dora came into the room. The men withdrew after supper and the ladies opened the ball. “I think it’s a shame,” said Mrs.

Stuart warmly, “and I entirely approve of youp action. No self-respecting ■woman will endure a life with a brute.” “I honor you for your act, my dear,” said Mrs, Field. “If my husband threw the pie at my cat I wouldn’t stay in the house another second.” “My dear, you have done Just right,” said Motherly Mrs. . Wentworth, patting Dora's cheek. “Just the right thing in the right way, as you always did. Rut who would have thought that Charles would have turned out so abominably?” Dora Symons’ eyes filled with tears. The sympathy of her old friends was inexpressibly grateful to her. And during the week that followed her animosity against her husband increased tenfold. She had never dreamed that men could show their wives such courtesy, such tenderness, as Messrs. Wentworth, Stuart and Field. It was about a week after Dora’s arrival that she was awakened one night, toward 12, by the sounds of a heavy body toiling up the stairs, and apparently slipping down as fast as it came up. Bump, bump! went the footsteps. Dora flew to her door. On the landing outside stood Mr. Wentworth. “Have you_hurt yourself?” she asked. “Blesher, no,” snorted Mr. Wentworth. “Gimme your hand, darling.” Dora looked at him in terror for an instant. Then she flew info her room and locked the door. The wretch was Mr. Wentworth, the paragon, had corflte home intoxicated. lie did not appear at breakfast the next morning, but' Mrs. Wentworth was as smiling and happy as usual. Two days passed. Mr. Wentworth looked at Dora as if he were a little ashamed when they met. Dora cut him stonily.. At last his wife asked the, reason. “Don't you know?" demanded Dora. “I do hope you haven't quarreled, with Henry,” said Mrs. Wentworth. “I thought we were all to be such good friends." "Mrs. Wentworth,” said Dora trag-

ically, “your husband came home drunk the other night. And lie tried to take my hand and called me ‘darling.’ ” Mrs. Wentworth laughed cheerily. “Is that aU the trouble?” she asked Yes, Henry does go on a spree occasionally, and then he’s liable to do more than that. I thought he would have wanted to Kiss you. But honest, honey, he’s a good sort and I think the world of him. Now it isn’t like throwing the pie at the cat, just getting drunk, is it, my dear? If he were that sort of man—” But Dora fled to her room. And the next evening something worse occurred. “Help I Help” came in shrill tones from Mrs. Stuart’s room. The boarders rushed to the door, Dora among them. Mr. Stuart was seen within; he had his wife by the throat and was pounding her unmercifully with his lists. “Brute!” shrieked Dora, running toward him. She snatched his fingers from his wife's neck and struck him violently across the face. Mr. Stuart staggered back, dazed. “How dare you lay your hands upon my husband!” exclaimed Mrs. Stuart, turning upon her. “The brute!" cried Dora. “To strike his wife!” “I’ll have you know, young woman, that I don’t allow interference between irry husband and myself,” snapped Mrs. Stuart. “Now kindly take-yourself off to your own room and leave Jim and me to settle our differences in our own way.” Dora staggered from the room blindly. The boarders were congregating outside. “Too bad!” said little Airs. Clemons sympathetically. “Is that what you call it?” cried Dora hysterically. “Too bad? Why, he was beating his wife, beating her! I never saw anything so outrageous in my life! Listen! There he'is at it again!” In fact, Jim Stuart’s voice was loud enough to penetrate a dozen doors. “I’m sick of you, miserable female!” he roared. “Get out of this house. Don’t let me see your face again. It’s sour enough to keep me in home-made vinegar for the rest of my life! It’s ugly enough to frighten a strong elephant into convulsions. Hire it out to go bulldog fighting, but don’t practice it on me.” “Jim, dear, don’t get so excited,” came his wife's smooth rerponstrance. “You know it’s bad for your digestion.” “Digestion be hanged!” roared Jim. “You black-and-tan whelp of a blighted toadstool, you—” But Dora had fled to her own room and locked herself in. The next morning she was too ill to leave it. Airs. Stuart entered at ten with a tray of breakfast. “I’m sorry I was a little cross last night,” she said, setting it down beside her. “You know, Jim is the best man in the world, but once in a while he gets irritated. Now, if he were real bad, like throwing the pie at the cat, I wouldn’t stand for it a minuted* --- “N-no,” said Dora feebly. Dora crept limply down to dinner. The guests were as chatty as ever, and Airs. Stuart particularly amiable. Nobody noticed her distress, and Air. Stuart was even sympathetic as he passed the mustard. , She had just reached her room when Air. Field emerged from the passage.

“Mfs. Symons,” he said, “I want to tell you how sorry I feel for your dreadful experience.” “Thank you,” said Dora gratefully. She was on the verge of tears., The Fields had always been her best friends; she longed to tell him all,- to ask about the Stuarts. But suddenly he caught her in his arms. “Darling!” he cried rapturously. “Will you fly with me somewhere? — anywhere that I can go out of sight of that old cat I’m married tjj?” “Mr. Field! Let me go at once!” cried Dora furiously. And she struggled out of his arms, but not before he had succeeded in imprinting a kiss upon her cheek. “I’ll take you West,” he said. “I have plenty of money. We’ll give the old woman the slip, and nobody will know we aren’t mar —” “Oh, Mrs. Field!” shrieked Dora, seeing his wife come up the stairs. “Help me. Your husband has insulted me abominably.” “What has he done, my dear?” asked Mrs. Field. “Dearest, remember Mrs. Symons must be treated respectfully.” “He asked me to elope with him,” wept Dora, covering her face. “Is that all?” asked Mrs. Field, apparently relieved, “Well, it’s Just his way, you know. He asked me to elope with him, too, and I did. Don't take him too seriously.” Dora looked up. All the doors were suspiciously open, and both Mr. and Mrs. Field were on the verge of uncontrollable laughter. “Now, if he had thrown the pie at the cat —” continued Mrs. Field. “Oh!” cried Dora with suddeh illumination. And, frenzied at the trick that had been played on her, she dashed into her room and began to pack furiously. But an hour later, with wet cheeks and humble looks, she went downstairs. The boarders were all at the table; „ “My dear friends,” said Dora, “I want to thank you all. I have been very foolish, and you have taught me —” . “Hurrah!” shouted big Jim Stuart, seizing her by the hands and beginning the first step of a dance. “I knew it. We knew you were a trump, Mrs. Symons. I took the responsibility of wiring somebody, and he’ll be here — say, let me take you in a cab to the station to meet mm I” "~~

"Darling, Will You Fly With Me, .Somewhere, Anywhere!"