Evening Republican, Volume 20, Number 144, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 16 June 1916 — Troubles Galore [ARTICLE]

Troubles Galore

v Two women were talking in a street car. They sat side by side. In the seat behind them sat a man. The women had sharp penetrating voices—American voices—and the man couldn’t help overhearing, even If he tried. He didn’t try. The women were obvious of tho man’s provimity. The world was full of men. What mattered a stranger in a street car? Besides there was nothing in their talk that could interest a stranger. So they talked and talked — all the way from 117th street to the Williamson Building—and the man, having nothing better to do listened. Afterward he tried to remember what they said, which was more difficult The taller woman began it and the stouter woman promptly responded. “Celia gets home tab week doesn’t she?’’ "Yes, an’ I declare I don’t know what to do with her. She’s going to bring a girl friend from Springfield. Celia lias nice friends. You got a maid yet?” "No, an’ I don’t know what to do about it. Th’ last girl—Mrs. Bascom sent her to me—didn’t know dried apples—and eat! Say, I couldn’t keep a thing in the icebox I George thinks we’d better go out for our meals, but I don’t feel like fussin’ up twice a day. What you hear about Tilda’s boy?" "Nothin’ that does him any. credit. He’s been cuttin’ up something awful. Sister’s afraid he’s tangled himself with one of th’ town girls. Jim’s going on to see what’s to be done about it. Guess th’ best thing to do is to take him out of college an’ set him to work. I don’t blame Jim so much, but sister’s made a fool of th’ boy. What do you hear from Henry?" “Heard from him yesterday. Guess he’s had too much athletics. He’s been conditioned or something, in two of his studies. Well it serves him right. He sent me a picture of a Wellesley girl he met in Boston somewhere. 1 wasn’t much struck with it. Kind of poor looking thing. 1 sat right down and wrote Henry and told him what’s what. He needn’t think he can bring a wife to our house. He’ll have to get a home of his own. How’s Mary?" "She’s gone home. I guess they don’t want her much. But she simply couldn’t get along with Ed another minute. He’d play golf all th’ afternoon an’ cards all night. He lost six jobs in two months." "Why don’t his folks send him some where—some sanitarium?” “You can’t send a man to a sanitarlup for playing golf!” The conductor looked into the car. “Williamson Building,” he called. “I get off here,’’ said the tall woman. “So do I,” said the stout woman. "It’s a world of little’ tragedies,” sighed the man who had listened. Then he got off.

Keeping Hie Word. In the west some time ago there was a man named Smith, who got into a financial tangle and had considerable trouble meeting bills. One afternoon one of his principle creditors oozed into the Smith territory with an eloquent appeal. "I am very sorry,” replied Smith, adjusting his countenance at the proper length, "but I cannot give you anything this month.” "That’s just what you told me last month!" complainingly returned the creditor. “Well," expressively rejoined Smith, “I kept my word didn’t I?” Couldn’t Tell the Difference. On board a ship one day the cry went up: "A man overboard!” and the captain gave orders to a new sailor who was an Irishman to throw out two buoys. The sailor seeing two boys walking on the deck, threw them overboard. The captain, in a state of excitement declared that it was cork buoys he wanted thrown overboard. “Bedad,” said Pat, "how was I to know whether they came from Cork or Tipperary?” Hadn’t Changed Much A young fellow anxious to enlist, had just been examined by the doctor. “I am sorry,” said the doctor, "but your teeth are not good enough." "What!’’ exclaimed the indignant recruit; "my teeth ain’t good enough, ain’t they? Well, they’re the same teeth what you passed my brother with yesterday.” Drilling, for Instance. "The trouble with a great many people in this world is that when they start something they don’t know when to stop.” “That’s the chief fault I have to find with my dentist.” A Slow Delivery. Wife—“ Did you notice how full of his subject our pastor was this morning?’’ HUsband —"Yes; and I also noticed how slow he was in emptying himself - df it.” A Heart Drama In Three Reels 1. Arthur Brown loved- Gladiola Jinks. , 2. Arthur Brown was poor. 8. Gladiola Jinks is now Mrs. Deßuy Puyster Robinson. Drawing the Line 'lmitation 1b the sincerest flattery." "Maybe,” replied Mr. Crumrox. “But I don’t like to have a stenographer copy my mistakes in grammar.”