Evening Republican, Volume 20, Number 144, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 16 June 1916 — A Fair Exchange [ARTICLE]

A Fair Exchange

“It has been suggested by a college professor," said Mrs. Biondell, “that the various countries of the world exchange children for a few years as a means of creating mutual understanding and sympathy among the people i.f various nations. Incidentally, of course, the children would learn history, languages, and social customs that might be valuable to their various native lands.’’ "A good idea of the professor’s" said Blondell. “There’s been such a bedlam here for the last hour that I would be glad’to trade our children off for- a couple of years. I should like to get a pair of Russian children, accustomed To implicit obedience. I can imagine nothing more delightful than having a pair of Russian minders in the house “I would say, ‘Zarina, dear, don’t whistje.” Bingo! Silence! I would say. ‘Alexina, honey, don’t be boisterous. Sliding down the banisters is not lady like, you know and you may bring me my slippers if you please,’ Bingo! No banister sliding, my slippers brought immediately.T No baseball 4h other games with my poor slippers while in transit. No arguments nor suggestions that some one else ought to get them. “And consider the advantage of having our children over among the czarS and things. They need a couple of grand dukes to deal with them for a while. I don’t know of anything that would do Flora and Sadie more goon. If they were to be disciplined by one of those ..czars they couldn’t attempt my of the lawlessness they show to ward us. They couldn’t boss czars around, chase them up and down and around to picture shows and commencement exercises and make then, buy bicyclFsFand~such. “If the czar said, ‘No bicycles, my near. I fear that you may fall and skin vour nose,’ that would suffice. But we can’t do that. If the kids want skinned noses and bicycles they get them. We said, you know that we would not buy Woodrow a bicycle for fear that "he would get hurt riding it, and the oth er day a boy nearly ran over me, and it proved to be our own Woodrow on a borrowed wheel. “But it wouldn’t be that way in Rus sia. When the czar puts his foot down the children would have to stand for it. And they tell me, altho I don’t be lieve it, that even the women don’t boss the czars and things in Russia. “I don’t know,” said Mrs Blondell. ‘I don’t think czars would worry us American women much. All men are more or less czarish, especially the good looking ones."

In Bostonese. If upon the initiative attempt success eludes your efforts repeat the operation ad infinitum. It is an exceedingly lengthy byway t.mt fails to produce some tangible -vidence to prove that its natural tendencies point to an apparent longing to execute a right angle. When the household feline aas temporarily vacated the premises, the •mall rodents will undoubtedly take rdvantage of her absence to participate in unseemly gambols commens r rate with joyous occasion. Tae peration of <ouvvying a beast of burden in the general direction of •be trough containing aqua dlst* la may prove to be one of comparative ease, but the process of inducing th? quadruped to partake of the contents thereof is often a matter of conjecture, to be determined only by the avowed inclination of the animal in .uestion. —Judge. Changed Her Mind. “I think they re an excellent thing, said a well known church woman 10 t peaking of baseball pools. Her-re-mark fairly took several persons with whom she was talking off tneir feet, and it was several seconds before the others had recovered from their surprise sufficiently to answer. Finally one of them asked her if she knew that pools were practically nothing more than the old lotteries that were suppressed years ago. "Oh,” she said, flushing, "is that what they are? I thought they were something •ike the swimming pools.” — *1 Flattering the Family There is a beautiful home on Long Island that the owners wished to lease for the summer. Two parvenns with social ambition thought thl* ’■esidence might be the means of launching them into local society, so they went to look it over. Upon entering the boudoir of a young woman* member of the family their eyes fell upon a beautiful Madonna on the wall. They also observed a Beatrice Canci. One of the party said: “Well, if we do take this house, will you please remove the family portraits?”— Judge. ' -- . Last Resort "All I have is yours, ’ said the youth at her feet. "What have you?” asked the calcu lating girl. ' „ “Why—er, nothing just now,, but my prospects are good.” '‘Realize on your prospects and then come to see me again.” “Good heavens, Grace! If 1 don’t marry you, I have no prospects.’’ A Roast for Reggie Reggie Callow—"I was born on the very day Grant died." Miss Keen- "Yes, misfortunes never come singly."