Evening Republican, Volume 20, Number 101, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 27 April 1916 — Th’ Ideal Woman [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

Th’ Ideal Woman

Professor Alex Tansey, who has. mastered three tongues an’ been divorced once, discussed th’ woman in th’ home before th’ Art Embroidery club yisterday afternoon an’ said: Girls marry jest th’ same as boys join th’ Reg’lar Army. They have no thought or knowledge o’ th’ warfare ahead. They jest want t’ git away from home. A girl ’ll go with a feller an’ jest because they both love movin’ pictures or chop suey she thinks she’s found her affinity an’ she sets about t’ land him. A girl is purty slick. She’ll agree with ever’thing a feller says durin’ th’ the ater goin’ stage. She’ll even excuse cloves or knit him a purple necktie if he shows a disposition t’ study her every wish, an’ when th’ weddin’ ceremony is performed she’ll promise t’ love, honor an’ obey jest as th’ trap is sprung an’ swing off int’

eternity .with a cold blooded fabrication on her full red lips. A connubial partnership is jest like ia business partnership. Once in a l while we find a“ firm that’s been in 'business fer many years because both have pulled t’gether. When one member o’ a flrm wants t’ swing on th’ awnin’ ropes an’ look purty while his partner does th’ work a split up soon toilers. Sometimes a business man ’ll advertise fer a partner with capital an’ no experience, an’ lots o’ girls are lookin’ fer th’ same thing. 6 O’ course ther’s no such animal as th’ ideal wife. Men an’ women alike have ther short comin’s. Ther’s all kinds o’ wives. Ther’s th’ stylish dresser who hates children; poor bread makers who are swell mothers; gilt edKed cake bakers who never flust th’ planner; highly Intellectual wives who can’t manage ther hair; lovin’ 'wives who want t’ boll everything; ■purty wives who don’t want t' git up; .sensible wives who can’t see anything Jfunny; pop’lar wives who are never at home; lovin’ wives who don't

want t’ wear a belt; college wives who can’t sew an’ silly wives who make you tired. No matter how wise a feller is he’s liable t’ git taken in on any one o’ them, fer ther is no way in th’ world t’ git a line on a girl till it’s too late t’ kick out. Some wives never give ther husbands a pleasant look unless ther havin’ somethin’ sent home on approval. It costs a feller twice as much t’ make up with his wife as he saves by refusin’ her somethin’. No matter how long a feller has lived with his wife some new an’ unexpected phase o’ her character ’ll pop out ever’day. Some early sage has remarked that it is fer better t’ spend one whole Sunday in Urbana, Ohio, than it is t’ spend two minutes with a contentious woman. He could have substituted ideal fer contentions an’ extended th’

stay in Urbana without injury t’ his reputation fer wisdom. Fer how long would a strong, able-bodied man live with anything as tame an’ uneventful as an ideal wife? Who’d want t’ boss or kick one? A feller would feel like a brute livin’ with an’ ideal wife. (Protected by Adams Newspaper Service.)

“No Matter How Wise a Feller Is He’s Liable t’ Git Taken in on Any One o’ Them, fer Ther Is no Way in th’ World t’ Git a Line on a Girl Till It’s Too Late t’ Kick Out.”