Evening Republican, Volume 20, Number 85, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 8 April 1916 — Kin Hubbard Essays [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

Kin Hubbard Essays

By KIN HUBBARD. Miss Fawn Lippincut appeared before th’ Sink an’ Mop club last night, at th’ home o’ Rev. Wiley Tanger, an’ gave her new lecture, entitled, “Th’ Value o’ th’ Mother in th’ Home.” Commentin’ on th’ growin’ tendency t’ dawdle at th’ dinner table after th’ business' o’ eatin’ Is out o’ th’ way, th’ speaker said: “Next t’ th’ odor o’ a horse burning up nothin’ makes me as sick as cigarette smoke.” Gems From Miss Lippincut’s Address. Pokin’ an’ teasin’ a chicken croquette before bitin’ int’ It shows a lack o’ breedin’. If you are afraid it’s a sycamore ball leave it alone. * • • Many guests who lack th’ ability t’ enter iht’ after-dlpner repartee kill th’ time by markin’ or otherwise disfigurin’ th’ loaf sugar. • • • No matter how charmin’ a hostess may be, she secretly resents it. • * • One o’ th’ latest styles In four-flush-in’ is t’ pretend t’ be interested in th’ Income tax. * • • Peas may be carried safely t’ th’ mouth on a knife that has been in th’ sorghum. • • • Celery may be eaten at th’ climax of a funny story. • • • It’s better t’ be able t’ appreciate th’ things you can’t buy than it is t’ buy th’ things you can’t appreciate. • * • What’s become o’ th’ ole-fashioned girl who made a companion o’ her mother an’ took chances on fate send-

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in’ her a tall, dark, romantic-lookin’ lover with a silky mustache? * * * * If we could see ourselves go by, lots o’ us would turn around an’ go back. * • * Notes. An expedition Is bein’ fitted out t* rescue Giles Craw, who traded his hardware store fer a grapefruit ranch in Floridy last fall. Artie Small is visitin’ his wife in th’ home o’ her mother. Mr. Bent Rib has returned from a business trip thro’ southern Indianny, an’ reports th’ roads in deplorable condition. Owin’ t’ th’ inclement weather an’ th* uncertainty o’ th’ administration trust policy, Mr. Rib will discontinue umbreller mendin’ until spring. Constable Newt PLum In explainin’ th’ provisions an evasions o’ th’ Income tax t’ th' Commercial club last night, Bald: “Money loaned t’ friends may be regarded as noncollectable an’ deduct' ed from your income as unavoidable overbangin’ expenses. Th’ feller without any visible means o’ support will have his taxes deducted at th’ source just th’ same as th’ feller who looks like a million dollars. When a farmer an’ his wife live t’gether they shall be allowed jointly a total exemption o’ $4,000 o’ th’»egg money an’ SSOO additional fer each son unless they’re in . th’ reg’lar army.” Miss Mazle Bud has decided t’ retain her position in th’ Palace Bazaar till May, when she’ll buy a paradise feather. Uncle Bob McGee died at th’ poor farm Friday after inventin’ his fifth can opener.

“Artie Small Is Visitin’ His Wife at th’ Home o’ Her Mother."