Evening Republican, Volume 20, Number 64, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 15 March 1916 — Th' Problem o’ Earin’ While Travlin’ [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

Th' Problem o’ Earin’ While Travlin’

“Well,” said Lase Bad, this mornin’, as he picked up his travelin’ cases an’ started t’ leave on a long whirl thro’ th’ sugar belt, “th’ worst feature o' this commercial travelin’ business is flndJn’ some place t’ eat that don’t interfere with your appetite.” Lase Bud travels fer a crayon portrait house that throws th’ portrait in free if you’ll kindly pay fifteen dollars fer a massive gold frame that cost a dollar an’ twenty cents. He carries a cane an’ smells like a cake o’ toilet soap, an’ his wife applies fer a divorce at th’ end o’ each trip. Continuin’, Mr. Bud said, as his train wuz marked up another hour late, ‘lf I skimp till I’ve saved enough t’ go t’ a case an’ eat t’ music I can’t see my food fer th’ cigarette smoke, t’ say nothin’ o’ payin’ ten cents t’

some thin-spaced Princess fer my hat. I’ve tried th’ American plan, th’ resturints, dairy-lunch rooms, home-cook-in' places an’ boardin’ houses, an’ what I escape at one place I alius run int’ at th’ next. Th’ air o’ mystery that dangles o’er a tureen full o' boardin’ house hash makes it impossible, an’ if I go in an’ American plan_dinin* room. I’m sure t’ sit by a clothin’ house drummer an’ have t’ play with my fork till he’s thro’ with th’ waiters. It takes an equilibrist t’ eat hi a onearmed chair to a dairy-lunch room without scaldlp’ himself. If I stroll around t’ some home-cookin’ hole in th’ wall t’ try some o’ mother’s beans or chicken dumpHn’s th’ first thing I 1 blonde waitress arrangin’ her hair in th’ reflection o’ th’ coffee urn, or filin’ her finger nails. -I’ya been on th,’ .toad a long time, but I n**»er went int’ a resfurW Mwn th’ feller behind th’ lunch counuFdidhlt either have i cough or his

thumb tied up. Then, too, ther’s alluß a big . blustery stockman settln’ next t’ you. A stockman alius has a droopin’, wiry yeller mustache an’ an odor o’ a passin’ hog train on a sultry August afternoon. I don’t want t’ knock, stockmen. Stock raisers are growin* fewer ever* year an’ fer that reason meat is high. Really we should encourage stockmen by showin* ’em ever* attention. Stock raisin’must continue In this country an’ our few remainin’» stock raisers must be made t’ feel that they are really public benefactors. Stockmen, too, must travel. Th’ very nature o’ ther profession takes ’em out in th’ open an’ ther appetites are sharpened almost beyond th’ normal by vigorous exercise an’ fresh air. Stock raisers, as a rule, are flush an’ willin’ spenders an’ welcome any-

where. They seem t* prefer t’ /sit OR a stool an’ eat. That also is.ther own affair an’ they are actin’ squarely within ther rights. Stockmen, like all o’ Us, have an inalienable right t* eat where Ah’- when an’ what they please, an’ our constitution protects them in usin’ any system which may appeal t* ’enußnt what I can’t understand is why they don’t eat quietly an’ peacefully like a steer instead erf a walrua,” ’(Protected by Adams Newspaper Service.)

"Ther’s Alius a Big, Blustery Stockman Settln* next t* You. A Stockman Alius Has a Droopin’ Mustache an’ an a Passin’ Hog Train on a Sultry August Afternoon.” ' /