Evening Republican, Volume 20, Number 41, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 17 February 1916 — What th’ European War Means t’ Us [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

What th’ European War Means t’ Us

Th’ European war is bound t’ be of incalculable benefit t’ America from an educational standpoint. Soon we were familiar with emperors an’ kings an’ czars an’ crown princes an’ hereditary grand dukes, triple ententes, ukases, an’ uhlans. As th' armies advanced we got our maps an’ took up th' cities an’ rivers an’ frontiers. So thoroughly saturated are we with war news that we start at th’ low rumblin’ of a brewery wagon, mlstakin’ it fer heavy cannonadin’ jest west o’ Charlons-sur-name. Ther’s only one thing our imagination balks at an’ that’B a dreadnaught limpin’ int’ port. Ther’s a very serious side t’ th’ European war aside from th’* awful

slaughter an’ destruction o’ property an’ that’s th’ blockade of our commerce. Should th' war be long drawn oat an’ our present- supply of imports exhausted what’s t’ become o’ th' highbrow portion of our population who only eat an' wear “th’ imported”? A casual survey o th’ situation brings t’ mind Brussels sprouts, Holland herrin’ Cologne, Swedish movements, Copenhagen snuff, ole Burgundy, spaghetty a la Italienne, Hamburg steak, Belgian tenors, Welsh rabbits, French heels, Galway whiskers, Turkish baths, oriental dancers, R'oman candles, foreign relations, Frankfurters, Swiss bell ringers, Hungarian goulash, Irish p*taters, Maltese cats, Persian iambs, English currants, Norway mackerel, Paris green, Llmburger cheese an’ Scotch high balls. When we stop t’ think that we have to’ import silk worm eggs, amaryllis bulbs an’ amidonaphtolsulfacids (coal tar products known as vlnitrotolual an’ naphtylarmln, etc.) we are brought face t’ face with a

grave situation. We’ve depended on th’ ole world fer our autograph albums at twenty-five per cent ad valorem, while Bombay mace, mustache dyes an’ dragon’s blood are other important necessities fer which we have t’ look abroad. Will American ingenuity be equal t’ th’ task of imitatin’ all 1 o’ these items should th’ war continue Indefinitely? How shall we reconcile th’ prospect who calls fer a Russian Caviar sandwich? Tell him t’ be seated till th’ war is over, or try t' switch him t* ham? Each day will bring jest such embarrassments 4n all lines o’ trade. “We have some but it’s bottled up in th' Baltic,’’ or “We’re jest out o’ th Dresden but here’s one made in East Liverpool,

Ohio,” an’ so on. Let us hope that th’ European war ’ll be th’ means o’ teachln’ some folks that ther’s lots o’ things made In th’ United States that can’t be equaled anywhere else on the globe, an’ among them is diplomacy. Miss Fawn Lippincut tried f buy a Lyons velvet-sailor yisterday but It trehled in price while she wuz tryln’ it on. (Copyright, Adams Newspaper Service.)

«How Shall We Reconcile th’ Prospect Who Calls fer a Russian Caviar Sandwich? Tell Him t’ Be Seated Till th’ War Is Over, or Try t’ Switch Him t’ Ham?” V .