Evening Republican, Volume 20, Number 37, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 12 February 1916 — A Galley o' Fun! [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

A Galley o' Fun!

HIB PREFERENCE. “A traveling company of more or less merit Is going to play Sappho at the Op’ry House tonight, at ten, twenty, and thirty cents admission,” remarked the Old Codger, with his usual pessimlstlacridity. “But I guess I’ll just stay at home and smoke ,in comfort and look at the corset advertisements in magazines."

Well, my sister’s got a beau. An* he comes ’most every night, An* he wants the gas so low That there’s hardly any light! An’ Nell likes him lots, I guess, 'Cause she watches on the sly An* takes hours an* hours to dress An* alius sweet as pie. I must call him “Mr. Fenn;" An’ Nell calls him “Mister," too, *Cept when they’re alone, an’ then She keeps gigglin’ at him: “Lew!" But one time I sneaked up near When they thought I wasn’t ’round. An’J heard her call him “dear" An* a funny kissin* sound! He can throw a snake-curve ball. An’ can mew an’ hark an’ Quack, An* he doesn’t mind at all When I pin things on his back. Often evenin’s when he comes I’m downstairs till after eight While he helps me do my sums, Tho’ Nell fidgets ’cause it’s late. Onct when he was here I said: “Say! Why don’t you marry Nell!* An* they sent me straight to bed ’Fore he had a chance to tell! But I’ll ask again, sometime, ’Cause Miss Sommers wants to know; An* she says, she’ll bet a dime That he’s only jest a beau! • THE BEST. Willis—What is the happiest moment of married life? Gillis —When a man throws the pictures of his wife’s relatives out of the family album and fills it up with photographs of his baby instead. HONORS. Customer—l didn’t see as your car won anjyjrize in that race. What are you blowing about? Auto Dealer —Sir! We had a higher percentage of drivers finish alive than any other firm!

The personage toyed with her lorg nettc. “Have you any children?” she asked by way of introduction. The Housewife trembled. Dared she confess the truth, with all there was at stake? And still she could not lie. “Yesl” she faltered faintly. The Personage started, stare 1, and at length burst out laughing. “Your honesty,” she protested, “is in such refreshing contrast with much that I encounter that, by way of showing my appreciation, I will accept employment with you, provided, of course, that I shall have Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays free, with the use of the entire lower part of the house at any time to entertain company." That evening the Housewife, In a bushed voice, told her Husband of her great good fortune He was decply affected. “Honesty la the best poll* cy!” he exclaimed, with glistening eyes. •. »' ' ' ■ TRAITOR! TTr>n?ry Artist—“Ah, see what .1. have! I was going to buy an apple for three cents, but finally persuaded the shopkeeper to sell me two for five. K Hungrier Ditto—Base churl! I see that even you, too, have caught the sordid spirit of commercialism!

THE BEAUX.

HONESTY.