Evening Republican, Volume 20, Number 15, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 18 January 1916 — A Galley o’ Fun! [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

A Galley o’ Fun!

LORD CHESTERFIBLD’B SON’S LETTERS TO HIS FATHER. A number of the letters of Lord Chesterfield’s son to his father are to be published as soon as a publisher can be found with sufficient courage. ▲ few samples are given below. "Dear Father —Yours received and contents noted. What you say about etiquette Is very true. In haste, your affectionate son, Phil.”

"Dear Father—Your beautiful letter Is at hand. The sentiments are simply charming. Dear Father, lam very short. Could you send me £5? Your effectlonate son, Philip.” "Dear Father—l have to acknowledge yours of the 14th. Permit me to thank you for your excellent advice. I am sure that posterity will appreciate IL Dear Father, a small cheque would be deeply appreciated. Your affectionate son, Philip.” "Dear Father—Will you he kind enough to. let me know how to write a letter asking one’s father for a small but much-needed remittance in such a way as to preclude the possibility of a refusal. Your early attention will oblige your affectionate son, Philip.’*

“Dear Father—Your extremely interesting and Instructive letter received. Such felicity of expressionsuch taste —and so forth! lam more than ever convinced that you can give them all cards and spades on etiquette. I am having a very pleasant time here, and ♦ * * • • £10?”

"A pretty girl,” observed the Plain Girl,. bitterly, "has a great advantage In this‘business of making a name for herself!” , "Idon’t know!" sighed the Pretty Girl. “She finds s > many lovely ready ierwew aasM* at.bmdF* ' , - ’ - '•*— , -rs *

Had HEARD OF THEM BEFORE. Teacher—Yes; the ( Constitution was adopted in 1879. Now, Johnny, can you tell us anything about the principles of American liberty? Johnny—Gee! I should say I could! Pap 's' been runnin’ fer office ever since T kin remember.

IN THE COMING ERA. First Citizen—My wife and I havn’t voted for fifteen years. Second Citizen—Not Interested in politics? First Citizen—Oh, yes! deeply inter; ested, but we’re paired.

Silas —Hiram says he really expects ter git elected ter de office of constable this time, fer sure. Joshua—He does? Why, what’s his politics? He hain’t fer expansion ner free ill ver. Silas—Oh! they say he’s got a scheme ter make the foreigner pay all the Internal revenue tax. He bprung it down ter the stare the over evenin’ an* it took like hot cakes.

OF COURSE NOT. “To vote for your bill,” said the Congressman, "I would have to stulify myself.” "Just so,” sald the lobbyist, bland ly. "And, of Course, we don’t expect a man to stulify hinself for nothing.” A DEFINITION. Rhetoric Teacher —What is meant by poetic license? Scholar —The permission claimed by the educated to use language such as they would ridicule if used by the uneducated. . - , " ... AN EXTREMIST. "He is very broad-minded for a clergyman.” . *■ \ "Does he believe in hellT*”6h! not only that, but he believsa tn saying so.”

FULLY REPRODUCED. Hercules was keeping the big stick busy during his famous encounter with the Hydra. But, as you know, every time he struck off - one head, two succeeded It. ■ Finally the fiuirdf of the situation struck the strong man. "I’m sure giving a correct imitation of what Charlie Murphy is doing to New York state!" he chuckled.

EXACTING. First Summer Girl —Oh! I broke off the engagement! He was so unreasonable! Second Summer Girl —Indeed! First Summer Girl —Oh, yes! Why, he objected on my going to a moonlight drive with another man! He is not skilled in gentle art To please his lady fair; He does not strive to win her heart. With flowers sweet and rare. No sonnets ripple from his pen; No moonlight serenade Awakes from dreams —or other men. The shy—and sleepy—maid. No frenzied vows he’ll register, Nor is his love revealed By derring-do for sake of her On any Rousting field. When he a-wooing goes, instead Of stunts like that, he’ll say: “Let’s double up, kid —on the dead, I got a raise today!”

UP TO DATE. AgristAnt—Great Scott! This next Issues of ours is going to be simply rank It’ll never sell a copy. _ Editor—Brace up! There’s one thing left to do: Summon the advertising manager and we’ll.fake up a scheme to boom the thing as some idiiddfa"»peciainumber.” ANOTHER USE. Smith—l didn’t know you owned a motor-car; why these auto goggles 1 _ Smyth—My wife has hat-pins. - ■ ■ - ;- ’ • —— •. 1 . . ~ y-T - f -

A SURE THING.