Evening Republican, Volume 20, Number 6, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 7 January 1916 — CAP and BELLS [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

CAP and BELLS

UTTLE BOY WAS DESPERATE Jack, Completely Out of Patience With Whole Tribe of Women, Calls on Father for HelpJack disliked being kissed. One tfay he was kissed a lot. Then, to make matters worse; on going to the picture palace in the evening, instead of his favorite Indian and cowboy pictures, there was nothing but a lot more hugging and kissing. He returned home completely out of patience with the whole tribe of women. ‘ ' After he had been tucked into bed his mother came to kiss him goodnight. He refused. Mother begged and begged till at last, in disgust, he turned to his father, who was standing in the doorway, and said: “Daddy, for heaven’s sake, give this woman a kiss!"

>s No Cause for Alarm. The Pessimist —It is only a matter of time until the laaduia this country not produce enough to support the increasing population. The Optimist—Oh, don’t let that worry you. Our population isn’t going to slop over so long as our medical colleges continue _to turn out more than 7,000 embryS physicians annually. I The True Reason. “People say this man could have had any office he wanted, but.he chose private life.” “Don’t you believe that, my son,” said the veteran campaigner. “Many a man gets the credit for refusing all political preferment when, as a matter of fact, he merely had sense enough to know that he could not get the one job he’d set his heart on.” Might Be Worse. “You see before you,” said the melancholy man, “a. plaything of fate.” “What’s the matter with you?” asked his friend. “I was just about to mortgage my house to buy an automobile, when it burned down.” “Umph! You’ve lost your house, but the chances are you’ve saved ydpr neck.” Recommendation Not Necessary,. “So you’re going to leave us, Mary.” "Yes, mum. I’ve got to.“' “And do you to give you a letter of recommendation?” “It ain’t necessary, mum. The man I’m going to work for is willing to take chances. I’m leavin’ to get married.” Pacific Ambition, “Caligula wished that Rome had a ~ - single neck, so that he -might sever it at a blow. “Times are different. Now I wish that I could build a graphophone big though to record the voice of the people.” A DAINTY DISH.

, "What's that noise?”, , j “Four and twenty blackbirds baked in a pie, your majesty.” J “Take ’em back to the chef and tell him to bake ’em till they don’t feel like singing. I can’t eat rare birds.” » Quite True. Wise —Mrs. Brooks says society is hollow—that there isn’t anything in it. „ Husband->-Well, there isn’t anything f in anything nowadays, my dear, if you don't put something in it.—^hidge. * , Naturally. Lawson —What did you think; when ybu realized that your automobile'was turnnte turtle the dther day * Dawson—Well, my first thought wa«: 1 am,in the soup.