Evening Republican, Volume 20, Number 3, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 4 January 1916 — A Galley o’ Fun ! [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

A Galley o’ Fun !

ANTEDILUVIAN. Said Noah: "Wife, I’ve had a dream—(No, I’m not always dreaming!) I dreamed the sea was everywhere, - The sea was all a running stream, And there wjas darkness in the air, \ And not a star was gleaming Above the waters black and bare; And everything was drowned—Don’t stare! (No, only weak tea, Walla!) ■ ‘-2, - , '• ', ■ . trA ■■■',. .■" • • V,; - “So, wife, I’m going to build a ship; r For if This dreadful dream comes true, And mountains in the water slip, As all last night I saw them (I’ve, told you twice ’t was ten, not two, When I came indoors, Waila!) “You doubt if'l could build a boat, And if I did, it would not float? You’re always doubting, Waila! Why, on the Tigris, when a lad — O no, it is not quite so bad! .... No, I am not so old as that, I have not yet reached forty score! Were I a thousand, less or more. How old would you be?—Just a bluff? Well, then, you needn’t be so blunt! Not necessarily a punt .... *Of course I’ll try to keep inshore. . . I know the water may be rough . . A few; there’ll not be room enough; We’ll take those two nice girls next door .... .... Well. I’ll be blessed! They are not worse than all the rest! - That is not true,—l never swore! O, let them drown, ‘ then, if you won’t! You and the childrenno, no more. . It does seem selfish! Take the cat? ■Twould be unlucky if we don’t, — We never should see Ararat! “Yes, take the pony and the cow, And all the animals you wish. (And leave the poor girls out, I vow! ) O, po, I would not take the fish! . . . Please pack my new reel, Waila!” - - a " "PRO BABLV. Sunday-School Teacher—After he heard the people shouting “Saul has slain his thousands, but David has slain his tens of thousands!" what did Saul do then? Willie (whose father “also ran")— I. suppose he got right up an’ hollered lor a recount.

A WARNING. May— Maude, deajr, did you knowthat the last Legislature passed a law punishing kidnapping very severely? Maude— No. But what of it? May —Well, if you aren’t careful Cholly Softleigh’s relatives may cause you trouble. -■ PROPER. Assistant—What will > we do for comments on this speeeh that Fitznoodle gave at the Chamber of Commerce last night? He sent us a copy, but we didn’t have a man there. Editor- That’s a cinch. Wherever he mentions our schools and churches put "Mild Applause," where it mentions our breweries put "Wild Applause,” and if there is any reference to our ball-team put "Pandemonium." I • .. v ’ i '■ ■ -- i — gj . - r ?T' Privileged class. “I suppose you still take a chance once in a while?” inquired his friend of other days. “My boy,” replied the millionaire, “there’s no such thing as taking a chance when you’re rich, for If you happen to get caught it merely means a fine." - v^_ IN Wo. Collector—Great Scott* man! That’s the best thing in my collection! It’s a phonograph record of a phonograph record of a phonograph record of a phonograph record of"' Teddy Roosevelt’s voice. Just think of it! A fourth edition!« y<h ■r 1 ' " 9 v TU MB LI NQ* - - For biplanes and for monoplanes V I do not care a hang, They’re too much like- the whirring grouse - When the gun goes— hang!