Evening Republican, Volume 20, Number 2, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 3 January 1916 — A Galley o' Fun! [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

A Galley o' Fun!

ANTIQUITY. ▲ chair eneumbers our dim halL Moth-eaten is its faded seat; Its legs are short, its back ia tall; - 'T is but a trap for passing feet. • - You cannot sit upon the Chair," Its framework is so very weak; Rut Wife insists its place is thert Because it's real antique.A Table came from our home town. T was shaky, scratched, and full of nicks; One leaf folds up and one folds down; It holds a. brace of candlesticks. It wobbles if you go too near; The knobs are chipped, the drawers all leak; Yet it has come to stay, I fear, Because it's real antique. A Bed has shown up to replace The staunch couch where I- sought repose; Bold Cupldß stare me lp the face; The hanging draperies brush my nose; And each one of the post quartette Has a distinctly different squeak; Yet Wife is singing paeans yet, Because it’s real antique. I AH through our house it's just the same; ni grin and bear it, I suppose. Perhaps, when I get worn and lame, And dull and careless of my clothes: Perhaps, I say, they’ll prize me then, 1 And in endearing terms they'll Bpeak, And praise me to my fellow-men, Because I'm real antique l

CRAFTY. A laggard in love and a dastard in war was about, barring the unforeseen, tb wed the fair Ellen of Young Lochinvar. But the latter was not to be caught asleep. “I’ll just keep out of it till the stiff has waited at the chancel, with his best man, while the bridal party marches down the aisle to that slow thing of Wagner’s!" quoth he, and •suiting the action to the word he carried off the girl at last without having had to undergo the worst of the inconvenience.

"An* how did Murphy get the black eye?" “Faith, be got it givin’ another man twol" A FEW OPEN DATEB. Sophomore—What are you going to do when you leave college, old chap? Senior —Well, I haven't decided on anything definite for the first year, except to'come back for the class reunion. . ■ n-- v ' SECRETS. First Financier—l made my success by putting my money where I could get my hands on it easily. Second Ditto—And I got mine by putting other people’s where I could get my hands on it easily. —— THE RIGHT TEXT. Rural Bystander—That's a golrammed fine machine, ain’t it, t* play such a trick on a feller! The Gentleman Beneath —Don’t knock, please. Boost! AT REGULAR RATES. Poet—“ Yes, I write poetry and you raise hay; we are both producers. Farmer—And I reckon we both get about fifteen dollars a ton. FALSE. Clerk—This is an eight-day clock. Murphy—G’wan! It’s a lot; there's only sivln days in the wake! A REQUEST. Mining Co. President—Have you seen our annual statement? Friend—Yes. Now, just between ourselves, I’d like to ask you one question. M. C. P.—Certainly. Friend—Just what is your exact ft*nandal condition?

ON THE SEVENTEENTH.