Evening Republican, Volume 20, Number 1, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 1 January 1916 — NEW YEAR RESOLVES [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

NEW YEAR RESOLVES

Donjt Plunge Hastly, but Consider Carefully Promises You Make.

By BILL VINES.

BE WARS, gentle reader, for January l approaches. It Is time for yon to begin to pause in . your wild and woolly career for the nonce and consider wisely and well, the particular style of good resolutions that iriS your jlrm purpose to put into immediate and drastic effect on that date'. Do not plunge hastily into the matter* and waste a perfectly good resolution. From my personal experience 1 know/fthat it is a human weakness, in a moment of sentimental and saffron-hued regret, to tie oneself up so tight in an ironbound»and illconsidered New Year’s resolution that it takes frequently till January 15 to separate oneself from it, and it can be. done then only with considerable mental anguish and a badly lacerated conscience. I have on hand now a varied and general job-lot assortment of shopworn, good resolutions adopted unanimously by the committee on resolutions at its annual meeting sometime between the 25th and 31st of December. None of these resolutions has been used long at a time. They are not frayed on the edges or wabbly in the bushing from excess of use. They look awfully good at this gladsome time of the year when one’s bank account appears delicate and remorseful. This is the time for a good reso-

lution to make its strongest appeal to you. You survey the field with an anxious and appealing eye, and looking for comfort and, succor. The good resolution steps blandly forward with a smile; bright and cheerful looking, with an open, honest face like the insidious book agent it slips a blank into ycur ready and nerveless hand and says, "sign here.” You are in no mental or physical condition to refuse. You can’t turn anything down, much less a good resolution. It is likely the night before you could not even turn the bedclothes down, but probably rested your weary head on the pillow and spread your classic form over the band-worked, snow,white counterpane. You put your hand to your solid ivory, but throbbing nut, and try to recollect your thoughts. You mentally review the past and see nothing -hr “it 'to cheer you up, not a single bright spot. On top of this someone sticks a package of letters under the door. You open them slowly, and there you find the’gas bill, the coal bill, the rent bill, the grocery bill and you vainly attempt to calculate at what time next spring by the strictest economy and by cutting out cigars and highballs, you can reasonably expect your bank account to be convalescent. Score, 12 to 0 in favor of the good resolution.

You try to remember if the good resolution now facing you looking so strong and vigorous has ever been introduced to you before. It looks familiar somehow. Can it by any possibility be the same good resolution that you fell for last year, which gave promise of carrying you through the good year 1915 holding you firmly on a permanent seat on the waiter cart; and free from the nasty effects of King Nicotine? You recall with what joy you embraced said good resolution a year ago; how you fell upon its neck and clung to it in your hour of distress and brunette remorse. You reflect that it ought to be a good resolution, because it is “Made in America,” but wit'- more s os less distrust you remember that something got wrong with it during the first inning, and it permitted you •to “blow up” with the bases full and nobody out. "Away,” you mutter, "you are no good, you failed me once, and you will do soagain.”

Then you turn your bloodshot eye, both of them being that way, to the dresser and you behold the necktie given you by the wife of your boson!, and with a broken sob you snatch the blank from the outstretched hand of “good resolution” and once more you are “on.” ' Listen—if you do it. and you willshut both eyes and hold on to that good resolution till the Fourth of July. Cton’t Jookjt over, for if you do you’ll observe its imperfections. Simply exercise the tenacity, of. a bull pup and hold on. If you last till the Fourth it will be easier—at least I am told so.—Birmingham Age-Herald-