Evening Republican, Volume 19, Number 302, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 22 December 1915 — When He Fell Down [ARTICLE]

When He Fell Down

"Next time 1 have a vacation," re marked young Staples to the office boy, the only member of the staff who showed an interest "1 shall go into camp in some of the northern woods where there won’t be a skirt in sight No girls for mine next time I get two weeks’ loaf. Fishing and hunting are the life." "I thought you went up to Lindenhurst specially to see the girl,” grin ned the office boy. "I don’t know how you happened to get that idea. It did happen that there was a young woman at Lindenhurst but you needn’t think that I was pursuing her. The fact is I’m thru chasing girls. If a girl wants my society she’ll have to hunt me. I’m no ladies’ man.’ "Isn’t this rather sudden?" asked the office boy, who was not altogether awed by his immediate superior in the office. ’1 always thought you were > keen for the fair babies." "That’s all you know about it" said young Staples. “I don’t mind telling you that I used to be keen on them —but I’ve outgrown all that “The fact is," he explained as he moistened a fresh steel pen at his lips, “I doubt if 1 ever marry. Women are too fickle and uncertain. My advid to you, youngster, is to let them alone. Don’t Waste your money on ’em." "Thank you very much! I suppose It would be better to invest my rocks in bonds.” . “Don’t Invest them in chocolates anyway. I took five pounds at eighty cents per to —to Lindenhurst, and the particular young woman then passed it around to every kid in the resort, and she fed the remnants to her fox terrier. She said she didn’t care much for sweets any more, but her dog adored them.” ‘So it was the fox terrier that soured you?” Young Staples did not deign to answer, but after a moment’s silence remarked cynically that girls could never be depended upon. “When you think a girl likes one sort of thing you find out pretty quick that site likes something else better,” he said. "Meaning men or chocolates?” "When I first got to Lindenhurst,” began young Staples, again disdaining the office boy’s question, “she was strong for athletics. She said she didn’t care for men who couldn’t jump, run and make swimming records, and if a man wasn’t a tennis crack she didn’t care for his acquaintance. Of course I was glad of a chance to shine. I beat every cub on the place at tennis, and I faulted fences and climbed trees to show my ability, until I thought she looked upon me as the boy wonder of the west. "So that when a languid, pastyfaced gink arrived in his father’s automobile I didn’t suppose the girt would give him more than the once over. He couldn’t run the car, and he didn’t even sit on the front seat with the chauffeur, but lolled in the tonneau, a cigarette dangling from his lips. He looked about as athletic as a piece of string. "That boy showed no signs of life at all until evening, when dancing began on the hotel porch. Then he came ..to and tangoed like Joe Santley. Some of these putty boys can dance! I was mighty glad I had chalked the girl for nearly every number, because I saw that he was watching her steps glueyeyed. The first time she was free he dashed up and they ‘hesitated,’ dipped and friscoed as if they had been doing it in the kindergarten together. He asked her for all the extras*. "When we had' the ‘Good Night, Polly’ hesitation, Frances said she supposed men wfio were crazy over rough sports couldn’t help being a little clumsy dancing. I asked her whom she meant, and she said: ‘Oh, no one in particular. Don’t be silly, but I’ll stop dancing,’ and we sat down before the last encore, altho every night previously we had both clapped hard for it. “The next momiffS I was sitting on her cottage porch when she said she wondered how long It would take to swim from the Island to the hotel beach. “Ts you’ll hold my watch a little while, I’ll show you,’ I said, and I beat It to my room and got into my bathing suit. I hired a kid to row me to the Island and I began what I was sure would be a record-breaking swim. I thought while I swam that Frances would realize as she watched me plowing toward her that no pale-faced tangoer could match my class." "Sure, that was the way to prove the hero stuff.”

“Hero nothing? When I panted up to her porch to find What time I had ‘made, her aunt, who is strong for dollars, handed me my watch and coolly informed me that Frances had gone motoring. Well, I packed up my duds and left that afternoon before the girl and the putty boy got back. I made up my mind ithat I really ought to spend the last part of my vacation with my mother.” “You always were a devoted son," breathed the office boy. Better Left Unsaid. A speaker at a dinner held in a hall which was adorned with many beautiful paintings wished to pay a compliment to the ladies present. He therefore pointed to the pictures, and said: "What need -is there of these painted beauties when we have ■do many with us et tho taUor