Evening Republican, Volume 19, Number 302, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 22 December 1915 — A Galley o’ Fun! [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

A Galley o’ Fun!

THE INDISPENSIBLE. 1 can see how the woman got on, In a Why, In the Garden of Eden, and after ‘ 'the exit There was plenty of fig leaves, and others Au fait, And the birds set the fashion and she could annex It, And the pines furnished needles by bushels and bins. But how did she work without safe-ty-pins? When she started to dress for a show or a dance, And the needles broke loose, and her man in a hurry! Or awhiri In the waltz, and a rip—and • a glance! With a whirlwind of Oh’s! and of fluster and scurry! And the ladies all whispered, and the men smothered grins, And what did she do, without safepins? <. And when Abel, and Cain, and young Sethie broke in With a chorus of yells and a day- ’ and-rifght riot, It must have been something ap proaching a sin To see the poor kids without comfort or quiet. And how did she fix 'em, in singles or twins? Oh! what did she do without safepins?

"Arid she didn't think she would like golf at all?” “No. She had a strange idea that plaids would not become her.” MALE CONVERSATION. (As set forth by Mamie Sadie Grace in Magazine Stories.) “Say, you old ass!" “Now, look here, you blithering idiot!” (Helping himself to one of my cigars.) ' “Now you know very well, you old butt-head ” “Anybody but a blockhead like you— —" "Why, yoii infernal idiot!” "You conceited puppy!" ’ “Why, you mutton-headed jackass!" “Now you know that’s a whopper!" "I say, that was devilish shabby!" “O, you silly jackanapes!” The word “silly" is never omitted from masculine conversation in magazine stories. Nor is'the word “whopper." There must be, also, personal violence and abuse of property rights. WITH APOLOGIES TO HENRY. Tills was the forest primeval. The murmuring pines and the hemlocks. Planed an veneered, in coats of shellacs and new varnish, Stand like Chippendale "highboys,” with dainty lingerie coverlets; Stand—full of buckshot (for wornholes), with drawers brass-handled and polished. ; . Loud, from the long-distance telephone, the deep-voiced, persistent dealer Calls in accents decisive after the monthly installment

Like some high crag, broad-based, with brow of stone , ' That parts the clouds, nor from the tempest shrinks, He stands, self-praised, seif-centered, and afone, And seems at times to think wo think he thinks. 44444* Tlie above is the*sn>per way to poo-, pose in the sign language ______ '

HER MISTAKE.

THE STATESMAN.