Evening Republican, Volume 19, Number 234, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 2 October 1915 — Why He Remained. [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

Why He Remained.

A certain representative of Georgia says that when he was Judge of his county court a fellow was before hire Charged with having stolen a pair of pantaloons—they call them "britches” In Georgia. There were several witnesses, hilt the evidence was rather meager, and the accused was acquitted. He was told that he could go, hut ho remained in his seat. His lawyer, to whose successful defense he owed his liberty, hinted to him that he was fre# to depart, but he didn’t budge. "I don’t want to go," said the fellow. •And why?” asked the lawyer. "Let the witnesses go first.” "Why?” "Why, sir, I’ve got on the ‘britches’ I stole.”

Generous. At the funeral services of an elderly darky of Richmond, Va., the following colloquy was overheard between two aged negroes: "There ain’t no use in talkin’" said Mose Barker; "Dick Williams, he was the most charitablest man dis town ever seen.” "I reckon dat’s so,” said the darky to whom Mr. Barker Imparted this information. And he paused as If wafting for evidence on this point. "YessUh,” continued Mr. Barker, "Dick Williams, he always owned a plug hat, and durin’ my time I ain’t never heard that Dick ever refused to lend dat hat to anybody."—Judge. The Wrong Man. Not long ago De Wolf Hopper, the actor, was selecting a hat in a wellknown Fifth avenue shop in New York. His own hat removed, he stood holding two others, trying to decide which to buy. At this moment a young man of the over-dressed, would-be Bwagger type entered the store, and mistaking Mr. Hopper for a salesman, drawled at him in an affected and peculiarly irritating tone: “My hat doesn’t fit, my good man.” Before replying Mr. Hopper quite deliberately inspected the speaker from head to toe. Then, turning awey be said sweetly: "Neither does you coat, my boy.” Not In His Line. One of Atlantic City*a life guards was discussing his profession. 'Funny things happen to us guards sometimes,” said he “A society belle from Spruce street went into the water wearing one of those fashionable transformations, or wigs. A big ware went over her, and when she came up the transformation was floating out to sea. She turned and ran to Tim. “Oh, save my hair," ahe yelled. "Save my hair!” , “Pardon me, my lady,” says Tim. "I'm a life saver, not a- hair restorer.” Needed Something Large. Miss Audrey had come to spend the week-end with friends in a little New Jersey town and exhibited a keen interest in the much talked" Jersey skeeter." When the greetings were over andthe party settled down, the guest remarked to her host, after a careful survey of the porch. “I don't see any mosquito netting around, William.' "No,” answere.d he, "we’re using mouse traps." How She Talks. "When yo’ has a quahl wlf yo’ wife, do she pout and sulk or do she talk back, Brudder Rumpus?” “She talks back, sah! And she not on’y talks back, bue she talks front'ards and sideways and ocrost and endways and diag-nal and round and round, and den 6he comes all de way back an’ repeats heree’f. Aw, yassah; she sho’ talks hack!”

Understood the Coal Business. A coal dealer asked some law students what legal authority was the favorite of this trade. Qjie answered "Coke.” •Right,” said the coal dealer. Another suggested "Blackstone.” "Good, too,” said the questioner. Then a little man piped out "littleton.” Whereupon the coal dealer sat down. Instructions Ware Clear.^ Caller —'Ts your mistress in?" Maid—" Did you see her at the window as you came, up the walk, ma'am?” Caller—"No” Maid—-" Well, she said If you hadn't -een her to say that she was oat.*

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