Evening Republican, Volume 19, Number 234, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 2 October 1915 — Page 2

Needed a Keeper

8h« tu a very pretty girl. Blake bad noticed this tact before he electad to alt at that particular table at the lanch dab, and ahe was sitting with her elbows on the table and her alender white fingers Joined. On the graceful structure rested a delicate tinted chin. Her blue-gray eyes, heavily lashed, were gating dreamily off into space. She made a charming picture. Nevertheless, Blake gave a startled jump when jhe remarked suddenly. but with extreme earnestness: "1 believe I'll use alcohol:” It must be confessed that this seemed a rather cryptic beginning for a conversation with a total stranger, but, aa I have said, she was a very pretty girl and after his first start of surprise Blake recovered himself with commendable promptness. "I beg your pardon,” he said, "but

were you speaking to me?” The girl glanced up. then unclasped her dainty hands and dropped thorn into her lap. After a short preliminary struggle she leaned hack in her chair and broke into a laugh. "There,” she said, "I knew I'd do it Talking to myself, I suppose. Perfectly craiy. Would you mind telling me what I said?” "Not in the least” responded Blake gallantly. "I think It was something about alcohol.” She laughed again and Blake smiled In sympathy. "It's my skirt,” she explained. '1 got an awful spot on it, and I’ve been wondering how I could get It out. I never have any luck with gasoline," she concluded mournfully.

"As a steady diet I think I prefer alcohol myself,” agreed Blake. Even Blake didn’t think this was ao very funny, so he felt flattered and cheered when his vis-a-vis broke into a really amused little giggle. It encouraged him to make a further sally: "You’ll have to consider carefully, though," he said, "before you risk making an inebriate of that young and innocent garment.” She dimpled charmingly. Then she frowned. "There’s really nothing young about it,” she explained. "It’s an old thing, and I hate ft, but I can’t afford to get another one now, ao I suppose I’ve got to get that spot out." She began to put on her gloves, and In a moment rose from the table. "I wish I knew more of first aids to the injured,” said Blake. "I wish so, too,” she agreed "It's certainly a most terrible spot and I’m worried to pieces about it.” She nodded in a bright and friendly way as ahe tripped off. For days Blake haunted that particular lunch club without again encountering the young woman of the spotted skirt and dancing eyes, and be had about given ap hope of seeing ber again when one evening as he was wabbling toward the door of the suburban train, which nightly carried him to his suburban home, he was unceremoniously brushed aside and temporarily unbalanced by a large, haughty, irate person, dressed in many expensive and expansive garments. Blake recovered his balance in time to see her tap angrily upon the shoulder of a young woman Just ahead of him. "My umbrella, please,” she boomed eommandingly. The eyes which the girl turned upon her assailant were the very eyes that Blake had been looking for. The owner of them looked at the other woman In momentary blankness, then down at the umbrella she held in her band. "My goodness! Oh, my goodness!" ahe cried, the hot color flooding her ■oft cheeks. "I never knew it! I beg your pardon! I didn’t know —re&llv I aont-minded! I know I’ll be arrested some day. It was so stupid of me— ” Giving a very fair representation of the goddess of war rampant* the owner of the umbrella snatched her prop arty and prepared to retreat with it. *Tv known such cases of stupidity before,” she said, emphasizing the final word strongly. She stalked back to her seat and at this Juncture the girl’s eyes met Blake’s amused ones. With a little squeal of mingled mirth and embarrassment she turned and fled down the steps of the car and away Into the darkness. Several mornings after this Blake, having taken a train somewhat later ttmn usual, was roused from his absorption in his paper by a distressed voice from across the aisle. "I don’t know what to do,” it was saying. "I Just perfectly crazily picked this thing up instead of my purse, and I haven’t any money or any ticket —or —or —anything." | The voice somnded familiar, the tale ilfce one he had heard before. Blake posted shamelessly around the conductor's back. It was, as he nad suspected, the girt of the two previous adventures. Once more their eyes mat. Once more she blushed a lovely, embarrassed blush. Then she collapsed in a little giggling heap. "Look!” she said. "This is what I brought instead of my purse.” It was a very dainty, fluffy, pink and white bedroom slipper! *1 suppose,” she said, when the conductor had been settled with and gone bis way, and Blake had boldly moved across the aisle and seated himself beside her, and they bad brought to light a number of mutual acquaintan-1 o#s, "that you think I need t. keeper.” *T do.” said Blaka ntf • ...... A

Why He Remained.

A certain representative of Georgia says that when he was Judge of his county court a fellow was before hire Charged with having stolen a pair of pantaloons—they call them "britches” In Georgia. There were several witnesses, hilt the evidence was rather meager, and the accused was acquitted. He was told that he could go, hut ho remained in his seat. His lawyer, to whose successful defense he owed his liberty, hinted to him that he was fre# to depart, but he didn’t budge. "I don’t want to go," said the fellow. •And why?” asked the lawyer. "Let the witnesses go first.” "Why?” "Why, sir, I’ve got on the ‘britches’ I stole.”

that will just suit you

Generous. At the funeral services of an elderly darky of Richmond, Va., the following colloquy was overheard between two aged negroes: "There ain’t no use in talkin’" said Mose Barker; "Dick Williams, he was the most charitablest man dis town ever seen.” "I reckon dat’s so,” said the darky to whom Mr. Barker Imparted this information. And he paused as If wafting for evidence on this point. "YessUh,” continued Mr. Barker, "Dick Williams, he always owned a plug hat, and durin’ my time I ain’t never heard that Dick ever refused to lend dat hat to anybody."—Judge. The Wrong Man. Not long ago De Wolf Hopper, the actor, was selecting a hat in a wellknown Fifth avenue shop in New York. His own hat removed, he stood holding two others, trying to decide which to buy. At this moment a young man of the over-dressed, would-be Bwagger type entered the store, and mistaking Mr. Hopper for a salesman, drawled at him in an affected and peculiarly irritating tone: “My hat doesn’t fit, my good man.” Before replying Mr. Hopper quite deliberately inspected the speaker from head to toe. Then, turning awey be said sweetly: "Neither does you coat, my boy.” Not In His Line. One of Atlantic City*a life guards was discussing his profession. 'Funny things happen to us guards sometimes,” said he “A society belle from Spruce street went into the water wearing one of those fashionable transformations, or wigs. A big ware went over her, and when she came up the transformation was floating out to sea. She turned and ran to Tim. “Oh, save my hair," ahe yelled. "Save my hair!” , “Pardon me, my lady,” says Tim. "I'm a life saver, not a- hair restorer.” Needed Something Large. Miss Audrey had come to spend the week-end with friends in a little New Jersey town and exhibited a keen interest in the much talked" Jersey skeeter." When the greetings were over andthe party settled down, the guest remarked to her host, after a careful survey of the porch. “I don't see any mosquito netting around, William.' "No,” answere.d he, "we’re using mouse traps." How She Talks. "When yo’ has a quahl wlf yo’ wife, do she pout and sulk or do she talk back, Brudder Rumpus?” “She talks back, sah! And she not on’y talks back, bue she talks front'ards and sideways and ocrost and endways and diag-nal and round and round, and den 6he comes all de way back an’ repeats heree’f. Aw, yassah; she sho’ talks hack!”

Understood the Coal Business. A coal dealer asked some law students what legal authority was the favorite of this trade. Qjie answered "Coke.” •Right,” said the coal dealer. Another suggested "Blackstone.” "Good, too,” said the questioner. Then a little man piped out "littleton.” Whereupon the coal dealer sat down. Instructions Ware Clear.^ Caller —'Ts your mistress in?" Maid—" Did you see her at the window as you came, up the walk, ma'am?” Caller—"No” Maid—-" Well, she said If you hadn't -een her to say that she was oat.*

THE EVENING REPUBLICAN, RENSSELAER. IND.

Near to Nature

“He's such a fine man, the one Gertie Filklns Is going to marry,” said the woman embroidering a doily. “What I especially like about him is his devotion to nature and outdoor sports." The woman with the obvious cold In her head groaned. "Stop her!" she moaned frantically. "Stop Gertie before it is too late! Look at me! My husjhand loves nature, too —and if I hadn’t been born to be hanged I’d have been dead long ago from pneumonia. We went back to our cottage at the lake after we got the children in school and Henry said 1 should now have a real rest and bit of recuperation before the winter season. So he decided we’d better go fishing. “Now, I am an active person, and Ashing is my- idea of nothing to do. I told Henry I had a million letters to write and all his stocking to mend, but he never heard me. When he gets an idea you might as well throw up your hands and knock your head on the ground three times, because it’s all over, and It’s the wise person who* knows it: but there are times when I struggle feebly. “So we went fishing. .“When he mentioned Incidentally that we should have to go seining first for the minnows I let out several feeble yowls that made no more impression on him than a grasshopper. “He said seining would be perfectly nice, healthy exercise for me and

that he would do all the hard part. All 1 had to do was walk along the < shore hanging on to one end of the sein while he struggled through the waves with the other, his hip rubber boots saving him from actual contact with the icy water. I “That sein may have been a harm- | less, well conducted thing ordinarily but when it saw me coming it rose on its hind legs and proceeded to buck. It pulled me into the water over my shoe tops twice, and then when we tried to land It the wind, which was pretty high, simply lifted it in the air, twisted It over, andshowered me with all the minnows, a small turtle and a lot of sticky seaweed stuff. “I shrieked for help, but there was no response. When I had got all the fish out of my ears and neck I saw Henry was on the ground all sewed up in the seine. He was fighting like a giant whale, but I rescued him at last. He said it was all my fault for not handling the net properly and that we’d try again for the minnows if I’d use my brains. “This time I broke my back keep--1 ing the pole at my end of the seine 1 pushing along the ground ahead of ! me, as per orders. We dragged | through an acre of water and then Henry rounded in to shore, with low hissings to me to do thus and so f(hd wild orders not to do this and that. “I obeyed his commands with strict attention to details. “We’ve got a big catch this time!" Henry cried, triumphantly, as we landed the sein right side up. * “Breathlessly we laid it open—and it contained two big snags or roots, an empty pickle bottle and some weeds. I am a dutiful wife and I won’t tell you the piece Henry recited to ease his mind. It consisted of brief exclamations mostly. v F “By the time we had really trapped enough minnows I was drenched to the knees and Henry had received most of the wild waves In the tops of his rubber boots. Then he said we must hurry to the dock because it was grqwing late for fishing. I had on a* sweater, a heavy coat and my head wrapped up, and I felt as frolicsome as a baby elephant. Henry was a thing of beauty in some nondescript wrappings that he reserved for the country. “Then we sat and fished. The cold wind whistled and my nose was purple: Every once in a while Henry would say fatuously: ‘lsn’t this

great? Just breathe this air!’ And I’d say: ‘ld is, by dear, oh course!’ Then he would say: 'Are you warm enough, Isabella?’ And I, being a perfect wife, would nearly crack my frozen face, smiling and murmuring cheerfully: Tb Just roasting to death, Hedry!’ Then he’d remark that it certainly was queer the way the fish didn’t bite, and what on earth could he the trouble? Once he had a nibble and it caused great excitement among us. I know I almost rolled Into the lake, because I tipped over and was so muffled up I couldn’t move hand or foot to right myself. “When the sun was sinking low a native rowed by and told us that nobody had caugh a fish off that dock since the middle of last summer, so then we picked up our minnow pail and went home. .

“Henry asserted that he had had a delightful time, but there was something lacking in the occasion to me. And I suspect Henry’s [sincerity, for when I asked him how I should keep the minnows he said to hang the minnows or put them in a bird cage and feed them marmalades, for all he cared. We haven’t been quite cordial to each other since. "So, I say, warn Gertie Filkens In time if her man loves nature.” "It’s too late, 1 fear,, said the woman embroidering the dolly. "Besides, why should Gertie Filkens hope to escape all the troubles of life?” The worst thing we can take for a cold is advice. —■ ■■' -

The Breaking Point.

She never looked lovelier than tonight, In her Argentine basque with soap work Insertions, yet, as be took Ids bat he laughed harshly. "All Is over between us," he gritted through his teeth. "I told you time and time again that any girl who powders her face forelts her engagement, and now I Vlll prove it! Have I been engaged to’a girl or a clown?" "Winklewood," she moaned. “Give me one more chance. It shall never happen again!” "You have had your warning," he replied, still gritting, and slamming the door. "I will go to a barber shop and try to forget," he muttered, and was soon ensconced in Angelo Vespaecl’s tonsorial operating chair. "Shave me, then a massage with # cocoanut oil, then bay rum, a hollyhock rub, a little cream of lily and a crude oil hair treatment,” he ordered, i An hour later, somewhat lighter of ; spirit, he walked home, scenting the air for a block in every direction and si ill reflecting on the fearful fashions ot foolish females. Would Accompany Her, There is in Brooklyn a young, recently married couple who have been having the usual half-pathetic and wholly amusing experiences incident to somewhat limited -means and total inexperience. Last Saturday there was a hitch in the delivery of the marketing, and Sunday found them with a practically empty larder. When dinner time came the young wife burst into tears. "Oh, this is horrible!” she wept. "Not a thing in this house for n d"g to eat! lam going home to mamma!" "If you don’t mind, dear,” the husband exclaimed, as he visibly brightened and reached for his hat, "I'll go with you!" The Instructor Was Mistaken. A member of an athletic club, after swimming the length of a large tank in the basement of the institution, came out puffing and blowing, apparently exhausted. "You don’t manage your breathing right,” said the Bwimming Instructor *lt ought not to tire you so. As to the upper part of your body, Including your arms, you use exactly the same muscles and in very much the same way in swimming as in sawing wood." "No, I don't,” gasped the swimmer. "When it comes to sawing wood I use the muscles of some other man." Unprintable. Bill, the foreman, went to the railway office to report an accident on the line. He was handed a form to fill up, and got on first rate until he came to the space for "Remarks." "What’s the matter, Bill?" asked the clerk. "Well, you see,” said Bill, "It was Pat Murphy’s big toe as was hit wid th’ hammer and It wouldn’t luk well for me to write down the remarks wot Murphy made.”

Bill. I know of a Job

What Wat the Use? The Englishman was attending his first ball game. He. seemed very uneasy after the fifth inning and finally, said to his American friend: "I say, old chap, when do they serve the tea?” ' “They don’t serve tea at ball games,” laughed the American. “No tea between innings," gasped the Englishman. "Then what’s the object of the blooming game?” f Always a Way. Tramp—“ Please, mum, I don’t want nothin' but the privilege of sittin’ here and listenin’ to Madame Patti, th’ great prlma donna, sing.” Mrs. Young wife—“ Goodness me! she Isn’t here.” “Pardon, mum, hut I hear her now.” “Why, that’s my baby crying. But don’t go. Dinner will be ready soon.” He Meant Well. “But, Captain Hawley,” said the handsome Miss Piute coquettlshly, “will you love me when I grow old and ugly*" “My dear Miss Piute,” answered the captain gallantly, “you may grow older, but yoh will never grow uglier.” And he wondered why their friendship ceased so suddenly. \ ' No Discrimination. A prisoner In one of the Irish' police courts the other day was asked his callings that be followed from time to time. “And among all other things,” Inquired the prosecutor, "do you pick pockets?” * “No.” he retorted, “I»don’t gtfck them; I just take them asjthey come.”

WHY SHOULD WOMEN VOTE?

WOMAN’S SUFFRAGE FROM THE VIEWPOINT OF LEADING . FARMERS. S Why should women vote? That Is the question that is ringing from ocean to ocean and reverberating from the Canadian boundary to the Mexican border. It is the mission of a newpaper to give the news and the actioA of the Texas Farmer*’ Dnioh in opposing woman’s suffrage wfen that question was recently before the Texas legislature is significant as representing the attitude of the or gantzed plowmen. We reproduce la part the argument presented by HOa W. D. Lewis, president of the Texas Farmers’ Union, In opposing the Mil: "It Is gratifying to note that It la not the farmer's wife who Is clamoring fer the ballot She is too busy trying to make happier hornet molding the minds of future citizens and scaring with her husband the cares or life to Indulge in political gossip. The ballot wilf give her no relief from drudgery, give no assistance in clothing the children or bring to the home additional comforts, conveniences or opportunities in life. It is, as a rule, the city woman promoted to Idleness by prosperity, who Is leading the suffragette movement “From many standpoints, perhaps a woman has as much right to vote as a man. So has she as much right to plow as a man; she has as much right to wofrk In a factory as a man; she has as much right to shoulder a musket as a man, but we would rather she would not do so from choice and we regret that necessity oft times compels her to earn a living by engaging in gainful occupations. We do not consider misfortune a qualification for suffrage or a business accident a reason for granting franchise. We are opposed to woman at the ballot box the same as we are opposed to woman fn the field, In the factory or In the army and for the self-same reasons. We had rather see her plant flowers than sow wheat; gather bouquets than pick cotton and . rear children than raise political Issues, although she may have as much right to do one as the other.

Opposed to Unsexlng Humanity. "Sex qualification for suffrage may have its apparent Inconsistencies. No general rule adjusts Itself perfectly to all conditions. It lb, a favorite argument advanced by the proponents of woman’s suffrage that many cultivated and noble women an far mon capable of Intelligently exercising sovereignty than a worthless negro, bat the South never was anxious for negro suffrage, and while culture and refinement, and even morality, an desirable virtues, they an not tha only qualifications for franchise. "The primary, Inherent and Inseparable fitness for suffrage is supporting a family. The plow handle, the forge and the struggle for bread afford experience necessary to properly mark the ballot Government Is a great big business and civilization from the very beginning assigned woman the home and man the business affairs of Ilfs. "Then has been maoh freakish legislation enacted during the past decade that no doubt appeals to woman’s love for the ridiculous, but to underhike to annex the human ran by lav Is the height of legislative folly and a tragedy to mankind. "We are opposed to the equal rights of woman—we want her to ever remain our superior. We oonslder woman’s desire to seek man’s level the yellow peril of Twentieth Century civilization.

“Woman la the medium through which angel* whisper their messages to mankind; It la her hand that plants thoughts In the intellectual vineyard; it Is through her heart that hope, love and sympathy overflow and bless man* kind. Christ—the liberator of womankind—was satisfied to teach the lessons of life and He was a man. He chose to rule over human hearts and refused worldly power and men followed after Him, women washed His feet, little children climbed upon His knees and the Ruler of the universe said that in Him Hs was well pleased. Can woman find a higher calling?”-

THEMISTOCLES

When Themlstodee was asked by his host at a dinner party to entertain the guests by playing the lute, ho replied that he oould not play the fiddle, but that he could make a small town a great city. We have In this nation many politicians who are good “fiddlers,” but they cannot asks s small town a great city. We are overrun with orators who can play Upon the passions of the hot they can’t put brick aad mortar together. We need builders. Let those who huger and thirst ftr power understand that the highest glory of a statesman Is to eonstruot, • and that It Is better Cor a mam that ha should build a public highway than’ that be should become Governor of a state, end that ha start a plow than that he become the author of a law. The true test ofatataasiaMljtg lathe would gOTsnTftrat Ml •

Lincoln the Magnanhmous

In John Hay's diary, published in Harper’s Magazine, Hay tells of Lincoln's extraordinary magnanimous attitude toward Salmon P. Chase, who was his chief competitor tor the Republication nomination. "His chief competitor for the Republican nomination was % member of his own Cabinet, Salmon P. Chase, the Secretary of the Treasury. Although Lincoln knew of Chase’s Intrigues, he apparently did nothing to thwart them. Hay, on returning from a trip to New York, told theiPresident what he had. heard there of Chase’* efforts ‘in trying to cut under* for the Republican nomination. "‘(Lincoln sal*) It was very bad taste, but he had determined to shut his eyes to all these performances; that Chase had made a good Secretary, and that hd would keep him where be Is. “If he becomes President, all right! I hope we may never have a worse man. I have all along seen clearly his plan of strengthening himself. Whenever he sees that an important matter is troubling me, if I am compelled to decide it in a way to give offense to a man <of some' influence, he always ranges himself in opposition to me and persuades the victim that . he (Chase) would havfc. arranged it veiy differently. It was with General Fremont; with General Hunter, when I annulled his hasty proclamation; with General Butler, when he was recalled from New Orleans; with the Missouri people, when they called the other day. lam entirely indifferent to his success or failure lo these schemes so long as he does his duty as the head of the Treasury Department.”

“Magnanimity such as £hls has had few parallels. l’t would be unthinkable In tha case of a Richelieu or a Frederick or a Bismarck. "Lincoln continued to appoint, at .. Chase’s suggestion, officials who would work in Chase’s interest. When Hay remonstrated, ’he laughed, and said he was sorry the thing had begun, for, .though the matter did not annoy him, his friends Insisted that It ought to.’ But by an adroit turn of the tables the President, supporting Seward in the raid which the Senate made on Seward, caused the petuous Chase to resign. Chase supposed that he-would thereby bring the President to terms. Par from It. “ • "When Chase sent In his resignation (the ‘backwoods Jupiter* said to Hay) I saw that the game was in my own bands, and I pat it through. When I had settled this Important business at last with much labor and to my entire ’ satisfaction, into my ' room one day walked D. D. Field and G. Opdyke, and began a new attack upon me to remove Seward. For once In my life I rather gave my temper the rein, and I talked to those men pretty damned plainly. T)pdyke may be right in being cool to me. I may have given him reason this morning." (October 30, 1833.)’"

The First Record of a Famous Lincoln Saying In John Hay’s diary, written when he was Lincoln's secretary and published for the first tlmq in Harper’s Magazine, appears the first record of one •of* Lincoln's' most famous sayings: “‘The President tonight (December 23, 1863) bad a dream,’ writes Hay. ‘He was in a party of plain people, and as it became known who he was they began to comment on his appearance. One of them said, "He Is s very com-mon-looking man.” The President replied: ‘The Lord prefers commonlooking people. That Is the reason He makes so many of them.’ " “Under date of September 23, 1862, we have a still more memorable entry: “ ‘The President wrote the (Emancipation) Proclamation on Sunday morning (September 21st) carefully. He called the Cabinet together on Mondhy, September 22d, made a little talk to them and read the momentous document Mr. Blair and Mr. Bates made objections, otherwise the Cabinet unanimous. The next day Mr. Blair, who had promised to file his objections, sent- a note stating that, as his objections were only to the time of the act, he would not file them lest they should be subject to misconstruction. ” T told the President of the serenade that was coining end asked if he would make any remarks. He said no; bat he did say half a dozen words, and said them Vith great grace and dignity. I spoke to him about the editorials In the leading papers. He said he had studied die matter so long that he knew more, about It than they did. '“At Governor's Chase’s there was some W*rtog after the serenade. Chase and Clay made speeches, and the crowd was In a glorious humor. After the crowd went sway, to force Mr. Mates (Attorney-General) to say something; a few old fogies stayed at the Governor's and drank wine. • • * They all seemed to feel a sort of new and exhilarated life; they breathed freer; the President’s Proclamation had freed them all as well as the slaves. They gleefully and merrily calld one another and themselves Abolitionists, and seemed to enjoy the novel accusation of appropriating that horrible name.’”

A Peer School It was Richard’s first day at school. At noon he rushed into the house, picked up the treasured funny page of the paper and scanned it with eager antldoatlon In bis face. A moment later he thxww tt dowa and in a tone TlSS'w rotten eehooL” “Why; Richard?” exclaimed his astonished motbesh “Whet do yes say that for?” “WbH, Paa bsee t# It a whole half toy and I aiat loomed to read yet"