Evening Republican, Volume 19, Number 133, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 5 June 1915 — Page 3

SEEING LIFE with JOHN HENRY

SAY! did get ready and i more Into a new apartment? Take it from me it’s an occupation that makes the burning ofjßome look like an election-night bonfire. I’m going to talk harshly about It some day when I recover the use of three fingers, disfranchised by the unexpected closing of a folding door which had previously refused to fold. However, here we are in the “cozy little nest” that Peaches sopranoed so canaryishly for many weeks before we finally flew up/into this tenement tree. . Now that we are in “the nest” she sings a different tune, poor girl, because she finds it mighty hard to hit a high C of joy when she has to put in eighteen hours a day waiting for the dumb-waiter to be fixed, and the hot water to be turned on, and the knob introduced to the dining room door, and all the other thousand and one pre-election promises, so earnestly given and so eagerly unkept. Now we coffie to the plot of the jplece. Peached invited*a few friends to a house-warming dinner and an hour after they had vociferously accepted our cook got mad becauses he found out the Persian rug on her boudoir ' floor was made In New Jersey and quit—left us flat with a bunch of friends on our hands who had already gone In training for a long heavy feed; catch as catch can, strangle-hold barred, but go to the mat with everything from clams to the printer’s name..

For twenty-four hours Peaches Spent her time hurrying between the intelligence offices and the depths of despair, and that dinner party began to look like cold turkey. And the next day, just as I was about to send out the S. O. S. signal?, a tramp cook arrived with the milkman, prepared to pour oil on our troubled kitchen stove. The name of the new cook was Helga. She was half Swede and half deaf. * Peaches asked her for recommendations, and Helga said that her only recommendation was her face, but that she tripped the night before and broke it just above the chin. Peaches engaged her —what else could she do with kind and loving fidends eager to exercise our silverware and gurgling their hunger at our outer walls? Helga was shown to her room. She kicked a little because there wasn’t a Southern exposure, but. subsided when Peaches promised her a bunch of fresh cut flowers every morning. Then the

Helga Floated Into the Room Clad in a Low-Neck Gown.

procession started for the kitchen, •halting for a moment in the butler’s pantry so that Helga could inform herself ajjko whether we voted the Prohibition or Progressive ticket. Helga discovered four hotties of beer eoyly reposing on the ice In the refrigerator, whereupon her face became lighted up with -the joys of anticipation and she rushed out and embraced the- gas stove; When, later on, Peaches joined me in the front room she looked woe-be-gone and frightened. “It’s an awful risk,”-she sighed; “I feel that the friendship of years may be interrupted because we have a new and uncertain cook in the kitchen—do you get me, John?” “Sure!” I said; "but what are we going to do about it. Kid? It’s too late to cancel your bookings now. These friends of ours have been saving up their hunger for three days. We can’t send them a buttered biscuit on a postal card and pass them up. Let’s go through with it and hope for the best—-maybe Helga is a good cook.” *Tm afraid not, John,” Peaches moaned. "She picked up a bowl of radishes just now and said she thought strawberries were out of season. When I asked her if she knew how to cook, chicken-a-la-king she ■wanted to know which- King—Denmark or Germany!” During the rest of the day Peaches worried so much about the new cook

by George V.Hobart

John Henry On Home Dinners

that she almost had an attack of nervous postponement. She walked around the apartment with her fingers crossed, murmuring little prayers to herself and making wishes that Helga’S idea of potato salad wouldn’t turn out to be imitation chop suey. Oqr guests arrived promptly and we could see from their eager that they’d fight that dinner to a finish. Under ordinary conditions the arrival of frends with hearty appetites* is a compliment to be cherished, but with a visitation like Helga in the kitchen, likely at any moment to kick over the can containing the milk of human kindness, I felt like eight cents’ worth of God-help-us. The ladies in the party began to chat pleasantly while they sized up our furniture out of the corners of their eyes, and the men glanced carelessly around to see if I had a box of cigars which could be attended to after dinner. t At least I imagined that’s what they were doing—having qualified as a bum sport from the moment Helga began to rehearse a dishrag. Presently dinner was announced and the entire cast jumped to their feet as though they’d stepped on a third rail. The first round was oyster cocktails, and everybody drew cards. This was maiden effort at oyster cocktails and she had original ideas about the cocktail, consisting chiefly of salad oil and tabasco. The salad came from Italy, consequently the oysters were extremely foreign to the taste.

After exploring her cocktail glass with a fork Mrs. Fitzenstaatz politely inquired it we raised our own oysters, but Just then a gill of tabasco struck Mr. Fitzenstaatz between the thorax and the epiglottis and he spent the rest of the evening screaming for the fire department. The round was mock turtle soup, but nobody under the wide canopy of heaven can ever guess where Helga found the mock. Sometimes I think I may have surprised her secret, because later on, when I looked for my rubber boots, one of them was missing. Then we had fish- —blue fish. It had arrived in the kitchen just a simple, plain, kind-hearted fish with the blues, but after watching Helga’s work it had developed acute melancholia. Then came the roast turkey, and right here was where Helga stepped

to the footlights and clamored for the Victoria Cross. Peaches had told Helga to stuff the turkey with chestnuts, but Helga was

firm in her belief that a chestntft is an old wheeze, so she stuffed the turkey with peanut brittle. Helga had noticed several other things around the kitchen which appeared to be bored and lonely, so she stuffed them in tfce turkey—one of which was the corkscrew. When I started to carve the turkey the first thing I struck was a horseshoe which Helga had put in for luck. It made Peaches extremely nervous to see the can-opener, a pair of scissors and seven clothespins come out of<he interior, but when Mrs. Fltzenstaatz said that their latest cook had tried to etuft their latest turkey with the garden hose friend wife felt better. ** The next round was some salad which Helga had dressed in the kitchen, but the dress was such, a bad fit that nobody would speak of it Then we had some home-made ice cream for dessert t The Ice was very good, but Helga forgot to add the cream. Consequently it tasted rather insipid. Then came the last round —end the knockout. rfelga had been told to serve the coffee demitasse. When the cue came Helga floated in the room dad in a low neck gown such as the merry-merries wear in the Bal Tabarin scene in the second act just before the police break in.

THE EVENING REPUBLICAN, RENSSELAER, IND.

Then she splashed down fa front of all assembled a cup of brown cough mixture and floated ont again, while Peaches turned red, white and blue and I had all I could do to keep from be* coming a murderer. It afterwards transpired that in the shredded which Helga was using as a brain the words demitasse and decollete had become mixed and, having taken the low-neck as a souvenir of a former employer, she had decided demitasse meant “Enter from kitchen, smilingly, with anatomical display; placid coffee on table, Center, and exit, showing vertebrae.” However, the house warming dinner came to a finish without any casualties and the guests went home, hungry but unpoisoned. The next morning Peaches gave Helga Helga and she left us abruptly, followed by the prayers of all present, including the gas stove. The only thing about the house that loved Helga was a diamond brooch belonging to Peaches and it followed Helga out into the land of adventure. - We’ve made up our minds, friend wife and I have, that we’ll give no

"Helga Said That Her Only Recommendation Was Her Face.”

more dinners till we get a cook who knows the difference between breaded lamb chops and the coal scuttle. Even the friendship of a lifetime isn’t proof against a brass key-ring in the stomach, which lies there, tossing restlessly for weeks and weeks, sometimes. P. S. —Helga’s contract called for 135.00 per month, Sundays and Thursday evening out, and nix on the wash. Have you a little fairy in your home?

JAPANESE WOMEN IN POLITICS

Although Not Voters, Without Doubt They Are Making Their Influence Felt The participation of the women of Japan in a public election is a most striking instance of the progress of the woman movement throughout the world. Women in oriental countries have'for centuries occupied a menial or subordinate position, and while Japan as the most progressive of eastern people cannot be compared in this respect, with many of the other oriental nations, the Japanese woman has been accorded the social freedom and influence exercised among the more progressive western nations. It must be understood, of course, that the women of Japan have not yet been given the ballot, Frances Frear writes in Leslie’s, but in the recent election of a new house of representatives the wives of several of the candidates made a house to house canvass in behalf of their husbands. The election was of the greatest importance, as the last house was dissolved on last Christmas day by the emperor because of its refusal to ratify the military program of the cabinet. Comment was made by the Japanese press upon the entrance of the “new worn, an” Into politics, but the fact that women in Japan, contrary to all national traditions, have begun to take an active part in political affairs is a significant instance of the leavening process of the movement for woman’s emancipation. The development of modern Japan shows that when that countrydoes begin tq move she moves with great rapidity. Even more tremendous will be the revolution in the great Chinese republic when the pro? gressive principles of the West begin to work themselves out.

A Place for Everything.

The auto owner: “No, I don’t want your book. I would much rather forget my car troubles than perpetuate them in black and white.” The book agent: “But this little book is so universally handy, don’t you know. It’s not merely a record, It’s a lot of other things. I don’t suppose there’s anything that could happen to an automobile without someone of these departments covering X. You see, there are headings here for virtually everything. Take a look at ft.” - “A heading for everything eh? Don’t you believe it Here, suppose I’m driving a car along a country road Sunday afternoon. A parachute jumper goes up in a balloon from a nearby recreation park. He swings oft squarely on my auto top and crushes ft. What’s the heading for that financial item, eh?” v . “Just a minute, sir. Here you are. Put It down here, sir. ‘Overhead expenses.’ ’—Cleveland Plain Dealer.

SOLDERS MADE MAD

Become Maniacs in Ceaseless Roar of Guns. Correspondent at the Front Says Experience Indicates Truth of Reports—Shots at Aviator 100 . In Five Minutes. Paris.—'J’he New York Sun’s correspondent with the Foreign Legion sends the following notes from his diary: Monday—Started for rations at 7:30 p. m. and on the way caught up with three officers strolling along slowly. The roadway was narrow and it was very dark through the woods, so that it was impossible to pass them. One of the boys got tired of being kept behind at such a slow pace and. at last broke out with: “H —, I’m not going to stick behind that guy! He’s too blame slow” (only the word was not blame., The officers accompanying the colonel, for it turned out to be our colonel, evidently knew the American language, for they burst out laughing, but the colonel continued his stroll imperturbable.

Tuesday—Up at 3:30 a m. rheumatism in my right arm preventing me from sleeping. Found Joseph Collett, who declared he had not slept a wink all night as a continual bombardment had been going from ten o’clock till three, with a short letup between midnight and one. The French heavy artillery was firing incessantly without any reply from the Germans. It was over in the direction of Reims, he said, and the firing was awful; the flashes of fire were continual. When it ceased about midnight I supposed the Infantry must be charging with the bayonet, but it commenced again as furiously as ever. I am not surprised at the stories about Germans going crazy as they did at Hartmannsweiler Kopf after seeing and hearing this. The papers spoke of German soldiers running round the village, mad, stark mad, driven so by the hellish noise and the destruction. Even the men in reserve underground trenches, feet below the earth, who were to replace the men killed in the trenches, were driven, mad. They could see nothing, but could hear the swish of the shells, the roar of the explosions and the shrieks of those above. Tuesday.—Bouligny has received word that he has been promoted sergeant; unfortunately he will leave our company, being moved to Battalion C, Second Company, Second Section. Tuesday.—Trinkard found a baby cart in the village and wheeled it over to bring the wine when drawing rations. A big success. At 1:45 p. m. the enemy began shell-

JUST TO TEST HIS NERVE

Just by way of making sure bls nerves were steady, Dare Devil Johnny Reynolds went to the roof of a five-story building in the heart of the business section of New ’ York city and performed balancing stunts on a cornice extending two feet from the front of the building, which took the breath out of thousands of spectators who anxiously watched him from the street below. He obtained three ordinary kitchen tables of which the tegs were not at an secure, placed one upon the other, put a chair on the top table, placed the hind legs of another chair on the outer edge of the seat and with one foot on the back of the first chair and the other on the seat of the second, he Juggled the halls without the least concern or worry. To the amazed street audience it looked an evident attempt at suicide, but Johnny Reynolds.came down M fresh and round as ever.

BIS SKODA GUN OF THE AUSTRIANS

The Austrians have made excellent use of the Skoda 30.5 centimeter guns tn the fighting in the Carpathians. One of these guns is shown here about to be fired.

ing the road half way between Craonelle and Blanc Sablon wood. As usual they send a couple of small time shells to test the range (they explode in the air), and then some big contact shells which destroy anything they hit and make another big hole in the ground if they miss. The shelling stopped at 2:05 —missing a barn not a hundred yards from me. There was a little volunteer (a new chap) just beside me yesterday who fired his rifle. Up came the corporal of the guard to know why the etcetera he fired. “Oh, I had a cartridge that looked bad so I tried it.” Then tl|e sergeant-major wanted to know why he had fired and he pleaded that he had seen two* rabbits and could not resist to pop at them. This is a real war anecdote, I only wish I could give

GETS HIS REVENGE

Aged French General Waits 44 Years for Day. Since 1870 General Maunoury, Recently Decorated by King George, Has Worked and Planned for Revenge on Germans.

Paris. —“I owe to you the attainment of the aim towards which all my efforts, all my energy have been strained for forty-four years past—revenge for 1870." This message from the order of the day in which General Maunoury thanked his troops for their victorious participation in the battle of the Marne, explains the whole life of the veteran upon whom King George has conferred the order of St. Michael and St. George.

In a war which hag clamored for the qualities of youth, a general upon the retired list, sixty-seven years of age, might well have imagined that his hopes of active employment were vain, that the most he could expect would be some post as organizer in the depots well to the rear of the zone of operations.General Maunoury was called from his flowers and his firming in the Loir et Cher in August, and came to Paris in the hope of obtaining some command in the field where he would be able to work directly for the “revanche.”

At the outset of the war all the general officers belonged to the active army, and for a time General Maunoury had to content himself with the useful, if less satisfying, work of inspecting depots and the organization of reserves. It was not long, however, before he was given the command of an army formed at Verdun, at the head of which he took part in the early and disastrous fighting along the Belgian frontier. During the retreat he fought a series of actions with the greatest brilliance, while at the same time reorganizing and completing his force. General Maunoury was ordered to Paris to undertake the task of organizing and commanding tte army destined, in the event of things turning out badly on the Marne, to act in the defense of Paris.

The appointment was flattering, but to General Maunoury ft aroused many cruel memories, for he had begun his military career in the army of Paris in 1870 and, as artillery officer, had known the bitterness of defeat in the series of battles which was fought in the neighborhood of the capital. "That bitterness he wiped out in sig- j oai manner at the head of the army of Paris which at the critical moment swung on to the German right along the Ourcq, and withstanding the most terrible battering for days, finally precipitated the general retreat of the enemy back to the Aisne. General Maunpury comes from a famfly which has been noted for its sei vice to the countryside of the Loir I

you something more lurid, like those I see in the American press. Watched a French aviator being; fired at about 4:45 p. m. Four batteries were at him at the same time, six or seven shells exploding at once. There was still enough light to see the shells explode. The firing was so fast that I counted, and found that more than a hundred shells exploded in five minutes. The aviator flew out of range, but at 5:15 he came back again, and, strange to say, was not fired at. They say that French aeroplanes have a wire attached about two hundred feet long by which the observer on board can flash signals by making the wire spark. Thus officers all the way back can read the signals with powerful glasses. / ; Ji

et Cher and to the greater country, 1 France. Perhaps his most striking characteristic is quiet modesty, his unassuming nature. He is a type of the officer bred of the desire for revenge. For that he has worked; it was that idea which gave to his teachings their stength; it was that idea which gave to his spirit the force required of it during the battle of the Ourcq. From the Ourcq General Maunoury and his army have moved up to the Aisne. ~lt was there that I had the honor of visiting him. Like many another army commander I have been privileged to meet along the French front, General Maunoury has refused to admit that a general’s place is in the study poring over maps, receiving reports, conducting war as though it were nothing but a game of chess. He declined to believe that the tele- » phones, wireless, the aeroplanes, and modern shell fire have in any way belittled the importance of men, and he made a point of making at least one visit a day to the front trenches, where his cheery smile and cheering words never f Ailed to increase the respect and admiration in which he is held by his officers and men. ’ It was during one of those visits that a bullet found him with his eye at a peephole' and temporarily deprived France of his service.

RUSSIAN WOMEN IN THE WAR

Do Effective Work In Bringing in* Prisoners and Doing Sentry Duty. I London.—A dispatch from Warsaw declares that the present war is growing every day more like the campaign, of Alexander I against Napoleon. Now the civil population is joining in the defense and among these are found women and even children willing to undergo the hardships even of sentry and outpost duty. These women and children are most effective, the dispatch says. They bring in many German prisoners to headquarters. The prisoners are usually safely bound and for greater security their guns, though taken away from them, have the triggers tied with cord. The devotion of the peasant population to the cause of defense is notice, able particularly in the Grodno district, where the volunteer guard has rendered valiant service.

137-POUND CATFISH IN NET

Indiana Men Have Desperate Encounter With Big Catch in Ohlb River. Lawrenceburg, Ind.—Samuel H. Bowman and Richard D. Grimsley caught a catfish weighing 137 founds in a net in the Ohio river near the mouth of the Great Miami river. J was the largest fish ever caught In the river in this vicinity. Their lives were endangered before Grimsley shot the fish and landed it Bowman was hurled ten feet by the big fish in Its struggle for liberty and fell into about . twenty feet of water. However, hgwas able to swim back to the