Evening Republican, Volume 19, Number 131, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 3 June 1915 — Page 2

SMILES

IN SELF DEFENSE. “Quit® a little excitement for a few minutes yesterday," remarked the grocer tn the far-weetern town. “The Mnckerses came to town in one direction, and the Tucker boys from another. There’d jest been a row be tween the two families, and every body tn town knew that when they came together there'd be some purty lively shootin'. Well, sir, in less than fifteen seconds after the first gun was pulled every man on both sides was on the ground with not less than two bullet holes in his frame. An’ there was thirty of 'em in all." “Why, that was remarkable,’’ ex claimed the tourist. "They must have been magnificent marksmen." ~ “Oh! The innocent bystanders did 1 all the shootin’, mister. We don t take any risks here no more.” —Puck

HIS POINT OF VIEW.

Doctor Germhunter —During the next decade we may expect a most wonder ful decrease in mortality. Mr. Graves (the undertaker)—Pessimist!

Out of Date.

Ths oMtifne songs are all forgot. “Sweethearts" and “Mothers? have no chance. That sentimental stuff is not Adapted to the modern dance.

His Argument.

“Is your car a good one?" “Discriminating people choose them," said the glib automobile salesman. “More of our cars are stolen than any other make.” —Pittsburgh Poet

According to Sound.

"There goes that mechanical piano player again in the Boffersby flat!” "Why, that's Minnie Boffersby playing.” “Well, if her playing isn’t mechanical 11l eat my hat!”

Detected.

“My dear, did you make this pudding out of the cookery book?” “Yes, love.” “Well, 1 thought I tasted one of the covers ” —Sacred Heart Review.

His Procedure.

“I went to my bookseller for a volume I wanted.” "Well?” “I ordered a book and he booked the order.”

Not Artistic Work.

Footlight—And was the performance artistic? Miss Sue Brette —No; the scenery and the leading lady were both badly painted.

PLAIN ENGLISH.

Cholly—You say your sister isn't in? Are those her exact words? Johnny—No; ter be exact, she said: “Tell der lobster I ain’t in.”

Revised Version.

Hush-a-by, baby. He still and sleep. Your mamma'has gone to her club; There she’ll strive tor a euchre prize. While papa stays home to scrub.

Accounting For the Cackle.

Flatbush —What an awful noise that hen is making out there. Bensonhurst—Yes, I hear he.r. “Is she trying to say, ‘Just laid an egg,’ do you suppose?” “No; more likely she is trying to say, 'Car coming,’ I guess.”

Very Likely.

Edythe—Why is it that little men always marry large women? Estelle—l don’t know, unless it is that the little fellows are afraid ,to back out of the engagements.

The Age of Luxury.

“I didn’t khow. Hiram, that furniture was that expensive tn the city,** remarked Mrs. Meadowgrass. “Who said it was?” asked Hiram. “The Weekly Gaxette says a millionaire gave a chair to the university costing 120,000."

The Accumulative Stage.

*T always envy the man who can sake life easy and let his money work (or him." “So do I, but unfortunately in a majority of cases a man has to work for his money before his money will work for him.”

An Easy Matter.

Hyker—Congress could settle this woman's suffrage in short order if it was to go about it right Pyker—l don't see how? Hyker—Simply by enacting a law compelling women to vote —then they wouldn’t want to. See?

Misunderstood.

“What would you do if I turned you down?" asked the maiden. A full minute passed and yet the man sat in silence. "Didn’t you hear my question?” she asked, somewhat reluctantly. "I thought you were talking to the gas," he responded fitfully.

Proof Positive.

"Can't persuade me the thirteenth day is not an unlucky one. 1 proposed to a girl on the thirteenth.” “And she refused you." "No; she accepted me.”

Their Nature.

Doctor —That blonde they’ve just brought into the hospital ward is light-headed. Nurse —Law, doctor, so is any blonde.

The Chief Fear.

“So you are still going to poker parties on the sly? But your sins will find you out.” “That’s all right so long as my wife doesn't.”

HEARD ’EM EVERY NIGHT.

Book Agent —Lady, I’d like to sell you this book of fairy tales. Mrs. Wise —Not to me. I’ve been married 15 years and fairy tales are a chestnut to me.

The Photo Play.

“I saw a moving picture.” Said little Johnny Piels: “ ‘Father Coming From the Club* In forty-seven reels.”

Asked and Answered.

Heiny—Say, Omar, why do you talk to yourself so much? ’ Omar—For two reasons. I like to talk to a sensible man, and I like to hear a sensible man talk. ’ f

An Alibi.

“You are arrested as an accessory after the fact,” said the policeman. “I can prove that I was never after the fact,” retorted the yellow reporter frigidly. “Ask any of the men and womenhnto whose private lives I have delved."

Ways of Women.

“Do you give your wife a kind word occasionally?” “Plenty of them, but they don’t entirely satisfy my wife. She wants money.”

Color Didn’t Matter.

Uncle Si (in restaurant) —Bring me some fish. Waiter—Yes, sir; we have bluefish, black bass, whitefish —” Uncle Si —I don’t keer nothin’ about the color, jest so long as it’s fresh.

After Marriage.

“Tell me, Vanessa, does your music help to make your home happy?" “Not much. A sonata is of little interest to a man when he wants a boiled dinner.”

Luck.

Hewitt—Did you and Gruet have any luck on your shooting trip? Jewett—We certainly did; we shot each other and both of us had perfectly good accident policies.

Interesting Mail.

Patience —I see a Connecticut inventor has patented a hitching post that also serves as a rural mail box, .being hollow with a. removable lid. Patrice—lt is to be hoped the horse will not devour the missives before the lady of the house does.

THE EVENING REPUBLICAN, RENSSELAER, IND.

For the Pageant of the Wedding

Brides and bridesmaids, with the rest of womankind, are showing a preference for filmy fabrics. The bride often dispenses with the conventional white satin w’edding gown and chooses one of lace or chiffon or if she be not inclined to depart from the conventional, inasmuch as her veil enshrouds her with a misty material of some sort, her wants are allowed to take advantage of all the airy materials in making choice for her appareling. A hat, muff and fichu designed for the maids at a June wedding, bring into requisition three of the loveliest fabrics. The hat employs crepe georgette with the leghorn shape, the muff made of a leghorn plaque and chiffon and the pretty scarf or fichu is made of very fine net. This last item is one of those accessories w’hich may do duty long after its initial parade, and will make

The Neatness of the Bobby Coiffure

There is a certain pretty primness about the Bobby coiffure, besides its suggestive of youthfulness, to account for its ever-growing success. This particular style is developed in several ways but all of them are, first of all, neat. In them the hair seems to be carefully arranged and put in place—to stay in place. One cannot imagine it blown about. It is. in fact, pinned down with many small pins and further confined with a hair band of some sort This manner of dressing it helps the coiffure to fulfill what is required of it. Of course this quality of neatness carries with it the impression of refinement.

In this style the hair at the sides is either cut short or dressed in such a way as to appear “bobbed.” It is said the hair is benefited by being cropped, if it is thin, so that those w;hoso locks are scanty may sacrifice some of them to the style without regret. But where the hair Is abundant this ia. £ot to be considered. The cleverness*of the hairdresser must be relied upon to dispose of the extra Jeagth by curling under the ends, or bv combing them out of the way and substituting some acquired short hair for them. This is one of the styles in which long hair is more difficult to handle, than short hair. And it invites the use of extra pieces because they need only to be very light and are easily adjusted. In the picture given here the coiffure is shown with the hair waved and part-

a modest and pretty gift from the bride to the maids. This fichu is not long, but rather wide, is made of the finest brussels net with the edge finished with a narrow ruffle of the material. It is adorned with a small nosegay of fine millinery flowers, set against a quaint little plaque of lace. The hat has the upper brim covered with crepe and a soft crown of this material. On the underbrim of leghorn a rose is posed. To make the muff a leghorn plaque is lined with shirred chiffon and edged with the graduated flounces of this material. The edges are caught together to form the muff and a finishing touch added in a rosebud set in its foliage. Nothing is quite so pretty as a bouquet or basket of flowers, but if, for the sake of novelty, or other reasons, something else must be used, a muff like this or all of pink chiffon, makes a lovely substitute.

ed at one side. The ends are turned under and pinned up to make the bobbed effect. A band of velvet ribbon holds the hair about the face in place. If short enough the hair may be turned under across the back or arranged in a series of puffs. Longer hair is coiled or braided and pinned low, against the crown. JULIA BOTTOM LEY.

FRAME FOR THE SILHOUETTE

Best to Preserve Old-Time Style for Wall Decorations —Hard to Improve Upon. Should you possess an old a houette without a frame, and desire to properly preserve it under glass, do not make the mistake of putting a modern setting about it. Avoid clean, white mats and new-looking molding. Preserve as much of the time-hon-ored* yellow background as possible t and put an antique-looking oval or square frame of dull gilt about it, as frames of this kind are characterstio of the period when silhouettes were in vogue..

Black frames are also in good taste, but do not give the look of antiquity so well simulated by the dull gilL In treating the silhouette in any way it must be remembered that this form of art is old, and its immediate environment must be in keeping fn order to preserve its charm.

Nine Tons at Fat Men’s Club Banquet in Boston

BOSTON. —Seventeen thousand two hundred and fifty pounds of fat men sat down at the banquet of the United States Fat Men’s club, at the Revere house, on a night not long ago. An estimate has not yet been made of the

more expensive—a phrase frequently heard during deliberations of the society—United States Fat Men’s club. Fat men smile so easily and so happily, it is like taking a turn to interview one of them. “Nobody loves a fat man, except a reporter, may be an improvement on a proverb whose truth has never yet been proved. One fat man spoke with true-hearted, whole-hearted sincerity of his delight at sizing up the situation: „ “Did you ever see a fat man who was in a great deal of trouble, he summed up, while he forgot himself long enough to try to cross his legs. “You rarely, almost never see one in court, unless he goes to watch a thin man get tried; h'e usually has enough money to keep(«oul and body together” —which is some stunt under these certain circumstances —“and he generally has a happy family to sit around him/' *. “Are fat men happy?”’was another question. “Happy?” was the reply? “Never saw one that didn’t smile when his face is at rest, did you? That’s the sign of happiness; watch it for yourself.”

Young Fly Killers in St. Louis Were Too Busy

ST. LOUlS.—Buying flies at ten cents the hundred early in the year is attended with great danger of financial disaster, as several women, members of the Consumers’ league, discovered the other day. The day’s returns

totaled more than 60,000, which meant that more than S6O had to be paid out. The women soon found their available cash exhausted- in the face of this unexpected demand, and had to issue certificates of indebtedness to many school children. The league, which has always fought for purity of food supplies, decided to start in early this year with a swat-the-fly campaign. It offered the ten cents a hundred prize to school children, and the school children im-

mediately became industrious. It was announced that committe.es would visit the public schools on Fridays and Saturdays and redeem with cash the swatted flies. , , „ , .. . Things went along smoothly enough until a delegation of women visited the Baden school, Halls Ferry road and Newby street, Friday. They were dumfounded when the boys and girls of the institution exhibited all that was mortal of 24,000 flies. That meant bounties of $24. That so many flies could have been killed in/ that time so early in the season appeared incredible to the women. They consulted Dr. G. A. Jordan, assistant health commissioner, who sent a man to investigate. The investigator reported that there were breeding places of flies in that neighborhood which could readily account for the number.

Chicago Boys Discover Easy Clean-Up Week Money

CHICAGO. —A great double-barreled mystery was solved in North Chicago the other day when a traitor revealed a scheme carried out by enrterprising small boys of that suburb. For several days the garbage dumps had been disappearing gradually and

was offered to all the boys in town who would gather up rubbish from the streets and alleys. The youngsters promptly held a meeting of their own and formally accepted the offer. Then they went into secret session and made a “gentleman’s agreement” just like grown-up commercial “pirates.” After that they went to work. The streets and alleys showed no effect of their Industry, but the garbage piles began to shrink rapidly. “We thought it was easier to shovel trash into the bags at the dump than to go around picking up little pieces,” one lad confessed. “It would take a whole day to fill half a dozen bags. This way we could get a dozen bags of rubbish in a few hours;,and the club members would never know the difference. Our cellar is piled full of bags now.” The family made a hasty investigation. They verified the confession. They also discovered the source of the strange odors. So. Mrs. F. E. De Yoe, president of the club, has issued a warning, “for the benefit of dishonest boys," that ‘a fine of five cents will be levied for every bag of rubbish dishonestly collected. Efforts of the boys to discover the identity of the traitor who “snitched” were vain.

He Wanted to Send His Fat Boy by Parcel Post

KANSAS errY. —"How much stamps does it take to send this hyeah boy by that parcel post?” a negro inquired at the stamp window the other day. The clerk looked puzzled at a fat negro boy beside the man.

“I don’t know. I’ll refer you to the postmaster,” he said. The negro, James Taylor, took the boy into Postmaster Collins’ office and again expressed the desire to mail the negro boy by parcel post. “Why don’t you send him by the train as a passenger?” Mr. Collins asked. v “I done counted the cost and I ain’t got that ’mount,” the negro replied. ’ , . The •egro said he and his wife

were seiarated and that be wanted to send the boy to Poplar Bluff, Mo., where his grandparents would take care of him. He insisted that the boy go parcel post. Mr Colling bad the youngster weighed. He hit the scales at 46 pounds. “Can’t send over 20 pounds that distance,” the postmaster said. “You’ll have To divide your boy if you send him by malt” The negro scratched his head a bit and then took the boy >y the hand and walked out of the office grumbling: "That parcel post ain’t what it’s cracked np to ba.”. .

IN THE CITIES

weight of food consumed, or of the bulk of zizzles and foam that helped the gastronomic communion. Needless to aver, the totals in all cases at such a time were big. For be it known, that there is a New England Fat Men’s club, noted throughout the universe as the liveliest membership for the load of duty which membership entails in the history of fat men’s clubs; and that most of the members of this organization belong to the greater, wider and

strange odors had permeated houses where small boys live. The residents sought in vain for explanations of these two strange conditions, which they did not connect until the truth became known. Incidentally the explanation caused much chagrin to members of the Woman’s Library club. Recently, at a meeting of the club it was decided to have a “clean-up” week. A reward of two cents a bag