Evening Republican, Volume 18, Number 259, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 2 November 1914 — THE DEPLORABLE DOG [ARTICLE]

THE DEPLORABLE DOG

By C. W. CUNNINGHAM.

Lady Poffley-Hendepeon’s case is unique. Five specialists, her family doctor and his energetic young partner, were gathered at Poffley castle; also Boodles. It was Boodles, the deplorable Boodles, who effected the cure. Boodles was a mastiff puppy, and diagnosed and cured the case at five o’clock, on August 16, 1906. He was shot by the gardener the same evening. He was a deplorable dog, and had to be destroyed; still, he cured his patient. Incidentally he caused a dissolution of partnership of the firm of Burdock & Francis, medical practitioners, and seriously injured the professional prospects of an eminent surgeon, and of an authority on medical electricity/ It is also due to Boodles that Sir Howard Lawson, the future president of the College of Physicians; Sir Frank Judson, heart specialist, and Sir William bowers, nerve specialist, are no longer on speaking terms. It was high time that Boodles was destroyed. Lady Poffley-Henderson had been ill for weeks. Her medical attendant, Doctor Burdock, shook his gray beard and suggested nervous debility. Sir Geoffrey Poffley-Henderson, who did not believe in such a thing, said “Rats!" Boodles sprang to his feet at the word, and broke a chair. “Curse the dog!” exclaimed Sir Geoffrey. It was a deplorable beast. Doctor Burdock advised complete rest, and the patient spent her days on an Invalid couch. Boodles thought it uncommonly slow, and said so. Why wasn’t his mistress up and doing, as he was? He fought and destroyed a hearthrug, and then appealed for encouragement. The' bell was rung Hastily and Bobdies was carried out. Doctor Burdock left for his holiday and the junior partner, Doctor Francis, took charge. He increased the medicines, he tried an electric battery to stimulate the nerves. Boodles thought the buzzing induction coil a great joke. He tried to eat it, and it bit him. He raced round the room in pain; no rat had ever hurt him like that. He destroyed a cabinet of china before he was stopped. Boodles had done his best, but he had not been given a fair chance. So his mistress remained as she was; Indeed, she got worse. She declared that was unable to walk. She remained on the invalid couch and Doctor Francis sent to London for the newest drugs. Boodles ate a box of them, and for some days remained in the stable, feeling uncomfortable all over. Meanwhile Lady Poffley-Henderson got no better. Doctor Burdock returned from his holiday and shook his head at the slow progress. So they all came. Including Burdock and Francis, there were seven the fatal number. It it had not been for Boodles, who knows what might have happened. Boodles was living in retirement in the stables, recovering from Doctor Francis’ drugs. The deplorable brute had spent a week gnawing an opening in the stable door. He wanted to get out and see his mistress. On the morning of the consultation the hole was almost large enough for him to squeeze through. He set to work with renewed vigor. The patient was examined in the library. Afterward, feeling exhausted, she was wheeled out on her couch into the garden. Meanwhile the seven medical gentlemen retired to the dining room to talk it over. From the windows they caught a glimpse of

their patient being wheeled into the garden just outside. Then the consultation began. Doctor Burdock indicated the refreshments on the sideboard with a wave of his hand and posted himself by the fireplace. Sir Howard Lawson tasted the sherry. "Now, Sir Howard, what is your opinion?” "Uncommonly good wine, Burdock,” and he smacked his lips. Sir William Bowers was inquiring of Doctor Preebles how they all were at home. Sir Frank Judson was holding an animated discussion w’ith Mr. Cutlin. Doctor Burdock gathered that the surgeon was urging the heart specialist to sell West Australians. “Take my tip, Judson, and clear out. They dropped tyo points yesterday.” But the heart specialist meant to hold on. Preebles rather fancied Butterscotch for the Middlesex Autumn handicap, but Bowers didn’t. He had laid a bit on Maidenhair and saw no reason for hedging. ‘‘Maidenhair's my fancy, Preebles. Hey, Lawson, what’s yours?” “Sherry at present,” and the physician extraordinary to his majesty's messengers helped himself to a second glass. Burdock coughed. There was a momentaYy pause in the consultation, and he took advantage of ft. “As regards the patient—” he began. “Tough old girl, Burdock,” murmured the heart specialist. “Worth a fortune, isn't she?" “A very valuable patient. Sir Frank.” “When she goes she ought to cut up for a pie, eh,” “My dear Mr. Cutlin, I trust Lady Poffley-Henderson is good for many years yet,” replied Doctor Burdock. “Good —for you, you mean, eh?” There was a general chuckle. Mr. Cutlin was something of a wit Sir Frank Judson looked at his watch and mentioned that he had an appointment

that afternoon at Marlborough house “Well, Burdock, tell us what you've been doing." -* 1 “Er—the treatment has been on general lines; rest—afid —er —fresh air, rest and good nourishing food. My partner, Doctor Francis here, was looking after her during my holiday.” Sir Howard beamed. The door opened and Sir Geoffrey Poffley-Henderson entered to hear the opinion of the seven medical gentlemen. He foolishly left the door open. Boodles had gnawed his way through the stable door and was making for the house as fast as he could. He was on his way when Doctor Burdock was explaining to Sir Geoffrey what they thought of the case. Boodles entered. He had not seen his master or mistress for a week and now’ he meant to have his Say. He began by leaping at Sir Geoffrey’s face. Having licked that to-fiis own satisfaction he selected the heart specialist’s waistcoat and jumped. So did the heart specialist. There was an exclamation of rage, a dismal yelp and a crash. „ ' Sir Frank Judson had seized the deplorable dog by the neck bud thrown him through the window. “Curse that dog!” spluttered Sir Geoffrey. The heart specialist quite agreed. There was a shriek from the garden and the eight men rushed to the window. Boodles had discovered his long-lost mistress and charged. Lady Poffley-Henderson was alarmed. Had Boodles developed hydrophobia? He leaped at her face to repeat the licking process. She screamed and beat him down. Boodles thought this great fun. He jumped again. This was too much. Lady Poffley-Henderson sprang from the couch and ran. So did Boodles. “Good Lor’!” exclaimed Sir* Geoffrey at the window. “Cured, by Jove!” shouted Mr. Cutlin over his shoulder. The garden was circular and enclosed by a low parapet. Lady Pof-fley-Henderson was moving around this area at great speed. Boodles was tearing the back of her dress. “Curse that dog!” shouted Sir Geoffrey as he rushed for a stick. “Two to one on the dog, Judson!” “In guineas, Take you, Lawson, at that!” Boodles stopped to bite Lady Pof : fley-Henderson’s sun shade, and she gained several yards. It was the second lap around. “Paralysis of. pyramidal tract,” murmured Mr. Cutlin.

“Simple little exploration operation,” retorted the nerve specialist. “Oh, bravo! bravo!” came from the seven spectators. Lady Poffley-Hen-derson had jumped over the couch at the beginning of the third round. “Getting her second wind,” said the heart specialist. The next moment they cheered again. Lady Poffley-Hen-derson had leaped the parapet and was disappearing towards the tennis lawn. Boodles followed. So did -Sir Geoffrey with a heavy stick. “Cleared the stick clean!” shouted Lawson, “Cured the old girl, by Jovel” came from the surgeon. /■ There was a moment of dead silence. “I’ll have the beast shot,” said Doctor Burdock. Sir Frank Judson looked at his watch. “When’s the next train to town?” The five consultants went. Boodles had , diagnosed and cured the patient. The deplorable beast was shot the same evening. As Doctor Burdock explained, “it was a narrow escape from hydrophobia. Lady Poffley-Hen-derson had a miraculous escape.” Which was true —in a sense.