Evening Republican, Volume 18, Number 258, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 31 October 1914 — Page 3

INTERESTING ITEMS FROM THE CITIES

Taps Own Pay Envelope First Time in 27 Years BOSTON, MASS. —When John Gearon of Malden skidded to the altar 21 years ago he wore a veteran dress suit, had a small set piece in hta coat lapel, and did everything possible to make the incident appear like a wed-

only amusement has been solitaire, and as I lost one card in 1895 and another, the ace of diamonds, in June, 1908, it’s been very, very hard to make it come out properly. On* my birthday, in 1910, I made arrangements to buy a pack of cards for a nickel, but my wife used the range finder with a large soup tureen, and it scored as a shot, and made me crosseyed for a week.” “I don’t quite get you,” said the court patiently. "Do you mean that you have had no money ip twenty-seven years?” ■» “Let him answer that,” said Mrs. Gearon, sideswiping her little husband with an emphatic gesture, and causing him to bump his head against the bar of justice. “That’s just why he is in this court. Last week he came home with his pay envelope ripped open and 50 cents gone from it. Ask him what he did with that. Let him tell your honor the silly story about having a tooth bulled. The wretch!” Mr. Gearon moved aside as if fearing his wife would step on him. "Judge,” he said, “in twenty-seven years I have never opened my pay envelope until last Saturday. Along about four o’clock a nerve in my tooth exploded; my hair stood up like wire and my jaw swelled out so that I couldn’t put my hat on. When I got paid at six o’clock I was so dizzy I didn’t care what became of me, and I ripped my envelope and had a dentist pull out a tooth.” “Hold!” said the court, apparently in a daze. “I will continue this case. For some reason, I don’t seem to be able tc*qulte get it. I will consider it all until next Monday at ten o’clock, at which time I will give my decision.” > &

Farmer Glad He Is Clever; Hands Stranger Cash

CHICAGO. —The supply never fails, because there Is a new one born every minute, and sometimes twins. John Bjorhelm is considered a smart farmhand in Montana. There he earned $323 and started for Norway a few days ago.

When he arrived in Chicago he went to the Elk hotel .in South State street, and after depositing his baggage went out for a walk on Michigan avenue. He smiled as he thought of the disappointment any swindler would haye if he tried to sell any of those high buildings to a smart farmhand from Montana. A well-dressed stranger saw the smile of amusement. "Tell me the joke,” he suggested.

Bjorhelm told his joke and the stranger looked relieved. "An honest man at last,” he exclaimed.' “I will pay you well if you will do a little work for me. I have a friend wfcp wants me to match pennies with him. I have been looking for an honest man to hold the stakes. You are sure you are honest?" \ “Oh, yes,”’ Bjorhelm assured him, and they started away together to the penny matching place at TWenty-fourth street and Indiana avenue. The other man was waiting to match pennies. “Maybe this man isn’t honest," he objected.' ’ “He has $323,” said Bjorheim’s ‘new friend. "I’ll bet he has not—let me count it,” said the other, and Bjorhelm handed over the roll. “We’ll walk around this way,” said the man, “and you walk around the other way and meet us. We will have the money counted by then.” Bjorhelm started around the block. He walked around the block several times. Then he told the police.

Don’t Get Worried About the Double-Faced Bill

DETROIT, MICH. —Beware of the double-faced currency Issued by the tinited States government, lest it land you in jail for a few days while the wondering folk of the country recover from an imaginary scare, and get the

him $19.75. “Here, you have given me $lO too much change,” said Kowalski. “You gave me a S2O bill,” retorted the . * “I never had so much money in my if you will look in the cash register, you’ll find that it was a $lO bill,” laughed the patron. The waiter Opened the cash register and there was the S2O bill. He took it out and threw it on the counter. The bill turned over during the operation and there it was a $lO note. Both the customer and the waiter pinched themselves severdi times to make sure they were not dreaming. The bill remained the same. The police were called and both men taken into custody, Kowalski claiming that it was not the bill he had tendered the waiter, and the waiter alleging that Kowalski was trying to pass a counterfeit bill on him. The bill was turned over to government authorities, who explained matters. Hungry Manatee Always Bellowing for Eel Grass NEW YORK. —Once in a while a guest drops into the zoo and makes things a trifling embarrassing. Now, for example,- you take Pa Knick’s very latest guest, a most amiable old manatee which lately splashed Into the tank

at the Aquarium after having come all the way from “down South.*’ Sure he’s welcome, but the matter of making him feel so is something else again. You know there Is nothing makes one feel quite so at home as to find just what he likes to eat on the table. But when ypu have an old cow-faced, herbivorous, manatoid, airenian mammal on your hands that likes nothing better to eat than salt eel grass, and when that isn’t handy most any other

kind of water grass, why, it Is hard to ' \ keep him In salad. Thus far the hosts down at the Aquarium have been fortunate in securing eel grass flavored just to the manatee’s taste. But the supply isn’t always to be relied upon. Healthy adult manatees weigh a ton and a half when they get all they want to eat They grow tb be eight feet long.. How long they live no eno knows. They’re good natured and like to be petted.

ding, but when he was arraigned in court here, charged with nonsupport, he declared that something went wrong with the arrangements and he was sentenced to life by a quiet-ap-pearing clergyman. “I love my wife,” said Mr. Gearon, “but, oh, you kid, judge, I've led a life.” “No nonsense,” said the judge sternly. “Practically none,” answered Mr. Gearon, ignoring the reprimand. “My

government officials to prove that a $lO bill with a S2O back on it is a bona-fide note. Some time ago the printers of our United States money got some plates mixed and eight notes with a perfect print of S2O on one side and $lO on the other were put into circulation. The other night Nicholas Kowalski purchased a 25-cent lunch in a Michigan avenue Baltimore lunch. He tendered what he thbught was' a $lO note in payment. The clerk refunded

THE EVENING REPUBLICAN. RENSSELAER, IND.

THE long; protecting "rain or shine” coat, made to meet the exigencies of travel or life in the out-of-doors, is cut on simple lines. ) One of the most practical of these coats is pictured here. It hangs straight on the figure. The needed fullness at the bust line is provided for by two small plaits on each shoulder. This is taken up from the swell of the bust down in a stitched-ln plait at each side of the front), the plaits extending below the normal waistline for at least six inches. The coat is open at the throat, but without revers. The neck is finished with a small sailor collar and the sleeves with turnback cuffs. Bone buttons are used for fastening and as a decorative feature on the cuffs. Coats of this kind are made with skirts to match. The latter, severely plain and straight, are worn with blouses of thin wash silk, pongee or sheer wash fabrics. These coats and' skirts require firmly woven rainproof goods in quiet staple colors. Either can be worn without the other, and the coat is designed to doduty wherever a separate coat is needed. t

Small Girl’s Outfit for Cold Weather

SHOPPING for the requirements of the little girl develops the knowledge that she may be provided with almost as many dress accessories as are designed for her mother. In anticipation pf wintry weather the little maid In the picture Is about to be outfitted with warm clothing in which she may defy the cold for one thing and look pretty and well cared for, for another. In outside garments she is first supplied with a heavy, close-knitted sweatercoat. It Is finished with turn back collar and cuffs and a knitted belt and is almost as warm as fur. The color is a rich red, about the best choice and the most pleasing to the little wearer. The collar may be rolled up about the neck and the cuffs brought well down over the hands to protect the wrists. For daily wear this Is the Ideal garment The Uttl/' Scotch cap to bo worn

Plain, Tailored Utility Coats

In some of the new models these coats are cut with a flaring skirt set onto a shorter bodice in the style of the Russian coat. Others, of heavier fabrics, are cut double-breasted, in long-waisted designs having an inverted plait at each side to give a slight flare to the skirt part. In these the sleeves are large and straight with turnback cuffs. Turnover collars that may be brought up snugly and tightly about the neck make this a warmer garment thgn open-throated models. This is best for the automobile. One of the most modish of coats belongs in the redingote class. It is constructed with an easy-fitting long-, sleeved jacket -to which a plaited skirt is set on. This terminates at each side three inches, or a little more, from the front of the jacket, to which it is attached under a belt of folded satin. There is a rolling collar of velvet and narrow cuffs of it. both finished with a silk braid. The jacket is fastened with large barrel-shaped buttons at the front. When a skirt to match any of these utility coats is 'needed it is cut in the straight-line style and the requisite fullness given with Inverted plaits.

with this or any bther coat is of black and red velvet bound and trimmed with black silk braid. The crown Is a long puff of black velvet, and the bands about it at each side are of red lined with black and finished with a binding of black silk braid. These bands are extended at the back, where they are cut into two tabs‘which are turned down and Jail over the hair. At the front the bands are also turned back and the points tacked down. Small bows of' the black silk braid used in (he binding are placed at the middle of the front and back. Knitted caps or hoods for school and for outdoor play and mittens to take the place of the muff, are to be provided. Freedom to play keeps an active child warm In ordinary cold weather without the fur sets which are not expected to stand a great deal of bard service. JULIA BOTTOMLEY.

SMILES

MUFFLED KNOCKS. "No, you’re not at all in the way, Borus; I’ll step right over you when I want to go out.” “It’s so kind of you to ask me to your house, Mrs. Tungley! 11l call some evening when I have nowhere else to go.” “Bobby, I’ve warned you not to watch people when they eat; you’re embarrassing Cousin Cyrus so much that he’v spilling gravy all qver the tablecloth." “It’s a pleasure to lend you thia money, old chap; 7’ll not see you again, probably, for a year." “Certainly, Mr. Spooner; I .shall be delighted to have you caU some day next week. I start for Europe tomorrow morning.” “These are just the kind of cakes mother used to make, Mrs. Irons; she was about the poorest cook you ever saw.” A* Vain Hope. “What are you saving all your money for?" asked tfie man who doesn’t hesitate to ask questions. “I want to become independent," replied the conscientious citizen, “so that I can serve my fellow men without thought of compensation.” “Nonsense! If you ever get that much money your fellow men will regard you with fierce suspicion as a representative of big business." Offhand Suggestion. “A man is fortunate when his wife regards him as a man whose wisdom can always be depended on." “Yes," replied Mr. Growcher; “but that confiding faith can be carried too far. It’s embarrassing to have your wife tell the company that dinner will be fifteen or twenty minutes late, and that while they are waiting you will explain all about the tariff and banking and currency.” ’ . THEY’D HAVE BEEN EXTINCT.

Mrs. Baikbeen—You bad no ancestors! Mine landed on Plymouth Rock! Baikbeen—Yes, and I wish Plymouth Rock had landed on your ancestors. Too Much. A young theologian named Fiddle Refused so accept his degree, “For,” said he, “ ’tjs enough to be Fiddle, ■r Without being Fiddle, D. D.” A Kindness. Young Lady—A friend of mine .is engaged to a man, and now he refuses to marry her. What would you advise her to do? _ Old Lawyer—ls the man wealthy? Young Lady—No, he hasn’t a cent. Old Lawyer—Then, I’d advise her to write him a nice letter of thanks. .4 - ~ ■ Tourist Note. “It is thought that the pyramids were buHt for the sake of giving employment to a large number of people.” “Of course,” replied the .vivaciously positive girl. “Anybody could guess that. Look at all the guides who depend on them for a living.” ———TT— —— ■ Something to Be Alarmed At. “What are you afraid of? This is only a rainstorm." “I know, but pa’s got on his Palm Beach suit and I shudder to think what he’ll look like if he gets caught in it" Luck. "He’s the luckiest man in town." “That so?" • "If his hat were to be taken from a restaurant rack by mistake it would be by a man who left a better one behind." Paradoxical Result “Smith's own friends cooked up that plot against him.” “I suppose that touched him on the raw.” A Super-Optimist "What a cheerful woman Mrs. Smiley is.” “Isn't she. Why, do you know, that woman can have a good time thinking what a good time she would have If she were having it” Self-Interest "I believe PU make Dolby a present of a dozen phonograph records.” "Why this surprising generosity?" "I’d rather hear him play the records I pick out than the ones he picks

Mr. Collier Down —You women have such a ridiculous habit of hollering "Oh!” on every occasion. Miss Cutting Hintz—And you men have such a ridiculous habit of saying “I” on every occasion. The Happy Farmer. The farmer wears a knowing siAHe And sees the statesmen day by day Shed tears about his prospects while He keeps on putting coin away. A Promoter. "I’d like to interest you in a business venture that will make us both rich.’* . "But I’m a stranger to you. Why do you wish me to share in this prospective wealth?” "I like your looks. I can see that you are the sort of man I can depend on.” ' . “Well, if you think as much of me as that, go get rich yourself; then come back and give me a job.” In the Realms of Credit. "When I left home as a lad,” said Mr 1 . Dustin Stax, “I had ten dollars in my pocket." "You’ll never forget that day." “No, sir. It's the only time that I have felt that I could settle up on a moment’s notice and be absolutely sure my assets would cash in for more than my liabilities.” "Se here,. Charley, I don’t like that young fellow , who comes here so much.” - , -“What's wrong with him, daddy?” "I’m told he doesn’t pay his debts.” “That’s- a very coarse way of putting it, daddy. Reginald has merely declared a moratorium.”—Cleveland Plain Dealer. - ■ Too Much. "I’ll never call on that girl again. Found her giving my chocolates to another chap.” "Well, if he called she had to offer him a ffw.” "But she waa feeding them to him with her own fair hands.” Intricate Mechanism. *T don’F know how to take this chicken apart,” declared the bride. . "Well, we tackled an automobile successfully,” said the young Tiusband. "We ought to be able to handle a small job like this. Where’s the book of instructions?”— A Hint » “Du you thing the future holds anything for me?” asked the shy young man. J "Why don’t you brace up and hold something yourself in the future,” replied the sweet young’ thing. A TIMELY reminder.

Footpad—Could ver spare me fit jest as well as not? ■ Widower —I could, str, and I thank you for asking for it. I was going to get married again next week, but this, timely reminder of my former wedded experience will save me! Again I thank you, sir! 1 Wi On “Time." “Is this train running on time!" “I should say so,” answered the conductor. “It can’t rjin any other way. The company has got to get so many extensions of credit that the whole road is running on time." Sure to Sell. Caller—Your wife has told me you are working on a new invention. Hubby—Yes. Women’s shoes don’t xqgtch the rest of their complicated attire, so I’m working on a shoe that buttons up the back.