Evening Republican, Volume 18, Number 210, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 5 September 1914 — Page 3

CAP and BELLS

BARRED WIFE FROM KITCHEN

Man of Sudden Riches Has Strong Objections to Better-Half Mingling With the Servants. The stout lady struggled with difficulty into the railway carriage. “Ah,” she gasped, "that door might ha’ been made by ‘Old Sam.’" > She paused for breath, and then proceeded to explain herself. “You see, ‘Old Sam’ was one of them chaps ’oo’d getten on. Went from a three-an’-six cottage to a big ’ouse. But ’is missis wasn’t used to a big ’ouse, and spent all ’er time in kitchen wTt’ servants. Old Sam didn’t like this, but ’e never argued wi’ wimmen. Now, she was stout, like me. So he takes her away to Blackpool, and while they was away he’d kitchen door built up narrer, so the servants could get in and out, but not t’missis. That did ’er, that did.” y “ ’E’d what I call tac’,” said a man opposite. And all sat lost in admiration of the tactful "Old Sam.”—Manchester Guardian. 4 Spraying. “Is your wife doing anything for the blight which is hurting her roses?”. “She’s spraying.” "Praying! Does she expect the Lord to fool with insects when she could fix matters herself with some good spray?” “She is spraying.” “Oh!" Information. Bacon—l see a directory of the usexful minerals of the United States, telling where each may be found, has been issued by the Geological Survey. Egbert—A directory which would tell us where to dig good fishing worms would be more useful. A. Great Age. “What are you talking into that graphophone?” “My class speech.” “Class speech!” "I’m valedictorian of our correspondence school. This record will be sent In turn to every member of the class.” Misunderstood. “I thought you said Blowhard talked very rapidly on the platform?” "No, I didn’t.” “Why, you said he talked like lightning; I heard you.” “Yes, that’s what I said, but I meant that he shocked everybody In the audience and stole several other lecturers’ thunder.”

* Little Boy—Say, uncle,, When you were traveling through the West did you scalp any Indians? Uncle Dick —No, but I scalped many a railroad ticket z ' Paw Knows Everything. Willie —Paw, what is a conceited man? Paw—A conceited man is a fellow > who keeps on gabbing about himself when you want to talk about yourself, my sod. • • Higher Things. "I can’t get to my bridge club In a hat that is three weeks out of style.” * “I can’t buy you a new hat this 'month. Better join some culture club my dear.” ■ ■ ’ ■* '• . y Misapplied. "You know the sweet little girt the Singles call Angel?” “Yea.” ' y • 7. "Yesterday she broke six windows and set fire to the .hencoop.”

YOUTHFUL DOCTOR GOT EVEN

Lawyer With Hypothetical Questions, Receives Unexpected Reply From Witness on Stand.

"Not long ago," said a' Washington lawyer, “I attended a trial In Baltimore, during the course,of which there was summoned as witness a youthful physician. “It was natural, of course, that counsel for the other side should, in cross-examination, seize the occasion to utter certain sarcastic remarks touching the knowledge and skill of so young a doctor. “Are you," demanded the lawyer, “entirely familiar with the symptoms of concussion of the brain?" "Yes, sir.” “Then,” continued the lawyer, “I should like to ask your opinion of a hypothetical case. Were my learned friend, Mr. Reed, and myself to bang our heads together, should we get concussion of the brain?" "Mr. Reed might,” smiled the youthful physician.—Atlanta Journal. Easily Classified. Hemmandhaw, who was writing a letter, looked up to inquire: “Is it permissible to apply gender to volcanoes?” “I don’t know,” Mrs. Hemmandhaw returned, “but if it is they are surely masculine?” ~ “Why?” ■ f “Because sputter, grumble and smoke.” . Sport and Coin. “Why didn’t you get K up before the referee counted ten?” asked the disappointed packer. * “I was a little confused,” confessed the vanquished pugilist? “I thought he was counting up the gate receipts, and I was waiting for bigger figures.”* —Judge.

PROBABLY.

Tommie —Say, maw, what’s an “oath of office?” His Mamma—-What a politician says when he loses his office. Technical Terms. ~ • “You must pardon me!” exclaimed the golfer. “The trouble is that I have been so perplexed about naval matters that I got confused.” “What’s that got to do with the game?” “You didn’t hear my warning. I said ‘Aft!’ when I should have said .‘Fort!’” ■ \ Huh! "All things come to him who waits,” sighed the waiter. “What’s the matter now?” asked the chef. “Well,” replied the waiter, “so far I’ve collected a Panama dime, a Canadian nickel, a Mexican quarter, an English sixpence and a counterfeit half hollar as my tips.”

Appreciates Her Open-Handedness. “Why did you tip the girl at the bat stand so lavishly?” inquired the city friend. “Who, me?” returned old Dad Bing, the cattle king of Rampage, Okla., who is in town for a few days. “Why, Lord, man, look at this hat she gimme in place of my. old one.” The. Grand Promoter. "You ought to have some stock in my proposed rubber plantation.” "What will It cost to sell it out?” "Won’t cost anything. Another big idea. lam also organizing a school of forestry add shall charge boys SIOO per year each for the privilege of planting trees.’’ —Puck. An Eye to Effect. "You seem very much interested in the menu card?' ."I am,” replied Mr. Kollums. "Does the food appeal to you?” "Nq. It’s the literary style. Outside of regular poetry that’s the best typographical arrangement for killing off space that I have peen yet.” Hopeless. “I used to think I could make something out of that boy, but I’ve -given it up. He’s hopeless.” "Is it really as bad as that?” "It’s worse. He’s started wearing a monocle.” Plenty of It. "You can’t fool all the people all of the time.” • > “No. Still, the folks who get up the Sucker list don’t seem to have any trouble about securing material.” Experience. f Applicant—-Would you like to see my letters of recommendation? Busihess Man—No. I’ve written a good many letters Of .recommendation myself.

THE EVENING REPUBLICAN, RENSSELAER, IND.

SAD EXPERIENCES OF A FARMER BOY

It’s the Old, Old Story, Lure of the Big City.

LOOKING FOR EASY MONEY Ran Away From His Good Farm Home, but Was Mighty Glad to Get Back to Mother and Janie. “It ain’t what I expected it would be," he said rather sorrowfully, sitting up in his invalid’s chair in a Kansas City hospital. “I thought it’d be fun and freedom and money and lots of things. But it ain’t —and I’m goin’ home as soon' as the doctor’ll let me.

“I been up here a year now and I ain’t sorry. I’m just hankerin’ to get home. That’s all. I had a dozen jobs, I guess, maybe more, but shucks, they was harder’n what I done at home. And I didn’t get mor’n a dollar fifty a day. That’d be a lot down home in S , but up here where they’ve forgot the bees are buzzin’ and the flowers bloomin’ it ain’t much.

“You see, I didn’t know it’d be this way in the city. Down on the farm us young fellows all thought we were havin’ a hard time of it We didn’t like the farm and we thought everybody in town made good money and didn’t have to work hard to make it So I decided to quit the hard work down home and come to the big city. “The folks at home didn’t want me to leave home, but I got up and run. away. Well, when I got here and found out what a mistake I’d made I was ashamed to let 'em know about it and I was afraid to write home for money, or to ask ’em about my going back, because I didn’t know how they’d take it. When He Got Sick. “But when I got sick and was owin’ the landlady, and had to be carted out here to the hospital, I asked the nurse to write to ma and tell her all about me. Say, let me read you the letter that I got today from ma, and then you know how I am feelin’.” He read the scrawled lines slowly: “Dear Jim: We’re looking for you home real soon. Pa says to tell you he’ll meet you at the station with the buggy and for you not to worry about things. Let us know just when it will be. We’re all so anxious to see you. Janie Brown was over yesterday and, honey, she’s as curious to see you as we are. She’s a pretty girl, Jim, and wanted to send you a cake. But I told her to make it when you get home, and she said she would. The wheat looks fine. Pa says the 40 behind the bam ought to make 30 bushels or more. O, Jim, get well quick and hurry home. With lots of love., “Mother." Jim smiled. “The doctor says I can leave in three or four days," he said. He paused a moment. Then, “Did you ever work on the street? Have you ever been hungry and broke and afraid to go to your room because the landlady wanted her money and you didn’t have none to give her? That’s why I’m goln’ home. I had enough of that”

The boy told his story slowly, fingering the blanket a nurse had flung around him. It was neither new nor unusual. Its like has been enacted by hundreds of country boys since the present day civilization began the building of huge cities. The psychology of his case was the psychology of dreams and longing—beyond the horizon of his farm life he felt the allurement of distant things, the enchanting spell of the far-away city. But he did not know that city life is composed of the same amount of labor and longing and restraint that is the farmer’s. That was for Jim to learn —and suffer. Nobody Smiled. “I ran away," he went on. "My, it was lonesomb! I remember wonderin’ if somebody up here wasn’t my frienjj. The sun was shinin’, "but I couldn’t see it in the street. The buildings were too high on either side and everybody kept rushin* arCUnd and crowdin’ and none of ’em was smilin’. I reckon they felt lonesome, too. - “Then I got breakfast —two eggs and a glass of milk that ma wouldn’t have fed the pigs. It cost me a quarter, and, mister, I ain’t had a good meal such as the folks down home have since I came up here. I found a room after I’d been lookin’ nigh all day. It wasn’t very clean and the house smelled like burnt cabbage. But I couldn’t afford no better. “I had $lO and I figured it ought to last me two weeks, or till I got a job. But there wasn’t much I could do. I found that out mighty quick. Everywhere t went there was a dozen city fellows ahead of me. One place they wanted me t- give ’em references but I didn’t have wone. “The money didn’t last like I expected It would and pretty soon I was broke. But I got a job workin’ for the street car company, layln* rails and handlin’ a pick. It paid $1.50 a day. Mister, it was hard work, harder’n plowin’ or milkin’ or anything I ever done at home and it only lasted three days. “I tried out an/employtaent agency then. Golly, it was a dirty place, but 1 was hungry and so I couldn’t mind that They gave me a railroad job, workin* in a construction gang, but

they took $2 out of ray pay as a fee for givin’ it to ihe. I didn’t mind that so much, but it only lasted a week and after payin’ for things at the camp I had a dollar left That’s what I got for a week’s work—a dollar. “I had a lot of jobs in the summer —mean, low-down ones like shovin’ trucks in a wholesale house or diggin* ditches,” the boy continued. “I couldn’V get nothin* better and all of ’em was the same. None of ’em paid more’n $1.50 a day, and none of ’em lasted longer’n a week or two. Some fellows sfeem to get steady jobs. But I couldn't and I didn’t see any country fellows doin’ it They was all like me. .Walked the Streets. “Finally, when winter came around I wasn’t strong like I used to be. The food didn’t set well and I’d been walkin’ the streets too long with neveri. a breath of pure air. And I didn’t have much money. “Mister, I can't tell you much about the winter,” Jim shuddered at the memory. “I can’t seem to remember it —I reckon I was half sick with hunger and cold most of the time. But I remember goin’ broke and bein’ hungry and lookin’ for jobs that I couldn’t find. I had to give up my room—the landlady says I Was a dead-beat and a bum. . -

“Then I joined the gang down town and got ten-cent beds at night- Fifty of us would roll up in the same room —ugh, I hate to think of it. Maybe we’d get a job that’d last a day or two, shoveling snow, working on the streets or loadin’ coal. Sometimes we’d get something to eat and sometimes we wouldn’t.”

Jim paused. He passed his hand wearily across his forehead. “I reckon that’s about all of it,” he said. “I’ve been in the hospital two months now and the doctor says I can go home pretty quick. It can’t be too quick for me.

“Sometimes I get to wonderin’ what it’ll seem like not to hear a street car bumpin’ along any more, and, say, won’t it be great to get away from all this dirt and smoke and noise?

“Say, I’m goin’ to make things hum when I get home. Pa’s beginnin’ to get old and I’m goin’ to run things. I’m goin’ to work hard—and I’ll be workin’ for myself. I’m goin’ to find out somethin’ about this scientific farinin’ I’ve heard about. And you just watch me—l’m going to make, twice as much money out of that old farm as pa’s done. Say—” But the Interviewer turned to go. Jim shook hands gravely. Then his last words flashed out:

"Mister, shall I send you a bite of Janie’s cake?”

HOPE FOR THE NUDE-PATED

Naked Domes, Scene of Fly Tango Partlea, Are Made to Sprout Hair. Bald heads, cheer up; barbers, rejoice. Curly locks are to sprout from the barest dome ever fly tangoed on. As “the good men come from Glo’ster,” so the good news comes from Boston, that extraordinary city which is the home of the succulent bean and Virginia’s only rival in the family tree business. The great discovery was made in Massachusetts General hospital. Men have gone in with their scalps as nude as Mont Blanc and come out forever disqualified for the Front Row club.

Mayor Walter Wardwell of Cambridge was among the first to try the new system. The mayor was not entirely bald, but had a patch on the back of his head that looked like moths in sealskin. That spot is now the site for a scalp lock that would make even the best of Indians a backslider if he once saw it. Rubbing the scalp with a Turkish towel is the principal part of the treatment. This is done at regular Intervals and systematically followed up. Bald men hate to be bald. Everybody makes fun of them. Mosquitoes hold banquets on their craniums. The sun beats mercilessly down upon the bald spots of just and unjust alike. Not a victim but will gladly rub the skin off his pate to raise a few bulrushes there. Dr. Jacob B. Bruce, Jr., of”lhe out patients’ department of the hospital claims that the system will grow whiskers on a cake of ice and that the man who is laughed at today for rubbing his scalp till it is as red as a beet will tomorrow have a crop of hair that would make a wild man of Borneo jealous. Special treatment is necessary in each case, according to the particular ill afflicting the subject Doctor Bruce declared that baldness is a symptom of disease, and the fundamental trouble must be cured before the Turkish towel rubbing shows any effect. Bick men must be cured; thinkers must stop thinking, sinners must reform.

Electricity Supplants Charwomen.

Machinery has now invaded the field of charwoman, says the London Dally Mirror, for an electric scrubbing machine has just come into use. It is a little pushcart, supplied with electric power through a cable connected with a lamp socket

The operator simply pushes it over the marble flobr and controls Its operations by levers on the cart handle. A set of brushes revolve on the floor, while a little stream ot water trickles down through them from a tank. Powdered soap is fed to the water In easily-regulated amounts. As the cart Is pushed ahead the dirty water is swept up to a pipe and A little pump sucks It up from the floor.

USES FOR THE SCREEN

VALUABLE fiOTH AS ORNAMENT ANO FOR SERVICE. Probably at Its Best in the Bedroom ■■ Suggestion Shown In the Drawing la Well Worth Taking Note Of. While the screen is useful and appropriate in many rooms, I might say that in the bedroom it is at its best. Here there are so many uses to which it may be put, and its decorative value is in no way impaired, writes Ethel Davis Seal in the Washington Star. I have in mind a bedroom of one of my acquaintances. The single French bed is of ivory, with cane insets. The bed springs are upholstered in white grounded bird-of-paradise cretonne, and the bed is further fitted out with a daytime bedspread of the cretonne, and a cover for the bolster roll. The floor, is covered with an exquisite small figured blue-and-ivory Wilton rug, and the walls are papered in a pale robin’seye blue. The ivory-colored furniture is upholstered in chintz —the caneseated wall chairs having tie-on chintz cushions. And the screen, which is placed just at the head of the bed, is one of those attractive “window" affairs, with panes of glass inset at the top. The wooden frame is enameled in ivory and filled with the blrd-of-paradise cretonne. You can see that this; screen fits admirably into the scheme of things. And it is a lovely thought to be protected against the evening draft or the morning light by anything so beautiful. Such a screen may be seen in the drawing. It is shown in connection with a French stool. The wide middle panel is an especially pleasing feature. For a bedroom the ‘ lower panels could be filled with cretonne or some such material, while, If the screen were to be used in a room not quite so formal, such as a semi-recep-tion room, the filler might be of very heavy upholsterer’s silk ornamented with decorative basket designs in embroidery. For a boudoir, personal sitting room of semi-reception room, the screen should usually be more. handsome, a damask, brocade or silk filler being quite appropriate. Wonderful things can be done if you’ll only take your courage in your

hands and forge right through. And in the homes of the only moderately well-to-do have I seen the- most charmingly tasteful results. They depended not so much on their ability to spend money as on their innate love of beauty and their joy of contriving. They have not become mentally inert.

Changeable Bash.

The Sash, can be arranged to tie at almost any point and still be a fashionable sash. One new street suit shows a sash that comes from the back and ties in a big, flopping bow in the middle of the front below the knees.

USE AND ABUSE OF CORSET

Tight Lacing Has Always Been Considered One of the Worst Foes of Feminine Beauty.

At the root of the ills to which feminine flesh is heir is incorrect corseting and tight lacing. These are by no means synonymous terms. One may be incorrectly yet loosely corset ed, says Harriet Edwards Fayes, In Woman’s World. -

Today it is the exceptional woman who laces her corset so tightly that her figure assumes an unnatural contour. Ten years ago many women did. This improvement is to some degree to the credit of the wearers of corsets, but to a still greater degree it is to the credit of corset manufacturers and the mandates of fashion. Women who have just regard for their health and beauty realize that the normal waist measurement is an Important adjunct thereto. This is proved by the fact that all ready-made garments rffe. two Inches larger around the waist than ’.hey were two years ago, which means that most women who used to wear a 22 corset now wear a 24, and so on through the different sizes. Leading physicians all admit that women require support for the abdomen. Support Is entirely different from suppression. If the abdomen is suppressed, a lot of trouble is brought on, the first sign of which is constipation. More depends upon the colon than most people are aware of, even some physicians. The direct results of'restricting the action of the colon are weakness, insomnia and dyspepsia; the indirect results are too numerous to mention and would be super'

THIS PINCUSHION A NOVELTY

Really Ornamental, Though Made of Two of the Moot Simple of Household Articles. A very novel pincushion can be made from two very simple articles, that are to hand in every household; they are a cork and a metal meat skewer. Take some narrow ribbon/any color preferred, and wrap It round and round the skewer; wrap the same kind of ribbon round the cork, and cover so that ho cork is visible. Leave the sharp end of the skewer free, and stick it in the center of the cork. At the top end of the skewer make a pretty bow of ribbon, and from it form a loop by which the cushion can be hung

up; fasten the end to the end of the skewer where it attaches to the cork. Now stick pins at the end of the cork* and the effect is that of a small yard brush. This little contrivance makes a charming gift, and is a capital bazaar article, for it is a novelty and sells well. When for a bazaar, a quantity can be made, and different colors of ribbon be employed such as pale blue, pink, pale mauve, green and all delicate tints. * On each pincushion, different kinds of pins could be used, and a pretty device would be to have pins with glass heads the color of the ribbon used. These cushions should then be priced according to the kind of pin ' used. Those with ordinary pins on, of course, would be marked cheaper than those with glass or pearl heads.

CARE OF FACE IN SUMMER

Problem for Athletic Girls Is How to Keep Skin White and Smooth During Hot Months. The athletic girl has problems of her own to face just now, for she wishes to be not only athletic but beautiful as well, and it is rather hard to run the two together in summer. The summer girl plays golf or tehnls all afternoon in the blazing sun and swims all morning, drying off afterward on the beach in the same sunshine. Then when evening comes around she puts on a low-necked, sleeveless gown and looks aghast at a dark-brown neck and arms, with the discoloration ending usually at the elbows and at the base of the throat, making the most vivid contrast with the pure white skin which lies beyond. To keep the neck and arms white and smooth, especially In summer, requires a little time and attention. The proper care of them night and morning will keep them from tanning if the girl uses a little discretion. The sun baths after swimming are the worst, for it is the water drying on the skin which makes such a deep tan. If she will dress immediately on leaving the water, the summer girl will find that the rest of her exercise will not harm her skin, provided she cares for it properly night and morning.

fluous, because the prevailing styles in corsets conform in a great degree to nature’s ‘demands. The wise physician raises his voice not against the use, but the abuse of the corset. A corset which supports the abdomen will never be condemned by those who are conversant with the structure of the human body, maaculine or feminine.

TO KEEP NECKWEAR FRESH

When Traveling, Put Between Leaves of a Magazine—Remarkable Collars snd Ruches. To keep your neckwear smooth and fresh when traveling with a suit case, put such things between the different leaves of a magazine, which takes up less room than a box and is very convenient when removed to the dresser drawer. It is specially suited to laundered neckwear and ribbons., The fashionable hlgh46uadlng collars and ruches may be made removable. Instead of sewing the ruch or collar into the neck of the dress, sew snaps every two or three inches along the facing, of the neckpiece and the corresponding parts at equal distances on the neck of the dress. In this way a neckpiece may b 6 quickly transferred to another dress, or taken off when a dress is hung in the wardrobe or packed in a suit case. Satin Pansies. Satin and velvet pansies in splendid purples and yellows, four timee the natural size that grows in our gardens, are used on hats. They are also used tn the front of the bodice Just above the deep girdle.