Evening Republican, Volume 18, Number 202, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 27 August 1914 — AT THE BOOKING OFFICE OFF-STAGE COMEDIES [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

AT THE BOOKING OFFICE OFF-STAGE COMEDIES

by Will Bradshaw

AND THE GIRLS WEPT; TOO A 1 Barnes (a comedian) —Do you know what I just saw as I came along the Rialto? One of the saddest sights in a long time. Men and women, it brought tears to iny eyes, and I’m no weeping wilier. Nona WellB —What did you see, Al? Borne poor actor bidding good-by to the profesh? Al Barnes—l saw Waldo Van Ness, the leading man, selling his last diamond ring to a newspaper reporter to get enough to take him out of towil. Ain’t this game getting awful? Imagine a guy like Van Ness, who had Mb name in lights all winter, selling his jocks for carfare. AJgy—Oh, my! I ’ope I won’t be Iriven to waitin’ on table this summer. But I’ll do It sooner than starve, proud as I am, don’t y’ know. I’ve been watchin’ waiters ’ere lately, so I’ll frnow ’ow to carry an armful of dishes If I ’ave t\ % Dad Wadell —I think I shall be able to exist modestly until the Shaketpearean season openß agin. I have ay pension from the actors’ fund. Maude Fabre (a Woman) — ire you sure Van Ness was peddling kis ring, Al? Al Barnes—Am I? Wasn’t the reporter shining the stone on his sleeve and looking at it under an arc light And blowing his breath on it, and I law him slip Van Ness a few bills. Then Van took the reporter into Louie’s case and treated him to i dinner. _ Algy—Van Ness always was clever, b’Jove. Al Barnes —It made me pretty sad, though, to see an actor like Van Ness

hocking his Jewels on the street to get out of this burg: Maude Fabre —And to think that the beautiful stone I am wearing was a gift from the same party. "\Nona Wells (musical comedy)—lt Is, is it? Maude Fabre—lt certainly Is, m’ dear. Have you any objection? Nona Wells —Far be it from such. I just wanted to let you know the threecarat ornament I wear on my left hand is. also from Mr. Van Ness. Maude Fabre —When? Nona Wells —When? When Waldo and I were engaged, of course. Maude Fabre —Is that so? I A 1 Barnes — Cut It out, cut it put! What we got to settle now ain’t diamond rings or who Van was engaged to. We’ve got to work out a system today to get us out of town pnd working before we starve to death. Algy—lf I ’ave to go waitin’, Al, I’ll speak a word for y’. Al Barnes —What I have in mind is this. We hpve just enough in this crowd to get up a repertory company. I have several plays in my trunk, add we can produce “His Father’s Pride,” “When Love Was All,” “By Fast Express,” and several more. We’ll go on the road and play summer resorts. Play in the dining-rooms after they clear the tables out. Algy—Dinin' rooms sounds good, al’ chap. # Dad* Wadell—Eating should not come before art _ Nona Wells—lts a cinch we get any more booking here. Al Barnes—Well play the different places on a percentage basis. Split 60 and 60 with the manager, and hfi throw in our meals. Well divide the companies, share equally. Maude Fabre —We will what, sir? Al Barnes —Divide our takings equally. Maude Fabre—Let me stay in town and starve amid the scenes of my triumphs. Do you expect a leading woman like I am to work for the same amount her mediocre companions will get? " Al Barnet—What do you mean by mediocre? Maude Fabre—Don’t I get more than Miss Wells, who has never beeof out In a show that lasted more than two weeks? . Nona Walls—Woman, ddn’t criticize one who saw you. apt. I’m the one to object. I can go out and do a single and gist away with it Ton have the wrong idea. Al. Those summer -# >■ /. i «v,. •. • : A;; »’- v; VAy'.vKa&k vfsßt

resorters won't stand to have her rant and rave on a hot night in one of your dramatic things. Give them something light We’ll frame up a four-act vaudeville bill. That will let her outsee? Algy—-I like the idea, I s’y. # Dad Wadell—Why not give some of my Shakespearean offerings on' the lawns at the summer places. On a moonlight night it would be picturesque, indeed. Al Barneß—Nothing doing. Nona Wells —Do as I say, Al. I can open the show doing my single. Then you can do your specialty; then Algy and I will do a double singing and talking act; then Dad Wadell can do a blackface, and we’ll close the bill with a comedy act for you, Algy and me. • Maude Fabre —I have devised a way to get along without Miss Wells, the trouble maker, Al. You, Algy, Dad and I can put on short dramatic pieces. Give them something high class, so they’ll keep us over a day. Al Barnes—l don’t want to leave any of you here to die. I want to take you all with me. Maude Fabre —There must be but one leading lady, and her name shall be Fabre. * Nona Wells —Her name will M Wells or Al Barnes —Listen. My plays all call for six people—two ladies and four gentß. Have a little sense, girls. Because you were both engaged to Van Ness is no reason to quarrel. That’s the kind he was. Getting engaged to every pretty girl he met, and then giving her a big diamond engagement ring. Then his heart would waver when he met someone else. But

the girlß were always the winners. Ho never wanted or wouldn’t accept his rings back. He told them to keep it as a memento of a star. Dad Wadell—l heard a story of Van Ness and his rlngß. It seems that en a southern tour he picked up a quantity of whitish stones called “Mexican diamonds,” which looked to the unlearned like the real thing. They cost him 60 cents apiece. As a publicity move he had them set in 75-cent goldplated bands when he returned, and he passed them out to his personal friends and admirers. They thought they,were getting a rich token from a rich man. Therefore, I say, you two young ladies are foolish to quarrel over baubles the cost of which was $1.26 each. Al Barnes —Well, that’s like Van Ness. I’ll bet he got 26 bucks from that poor reporter. Algy—No wonder 'e could afford to take ’lm to Louie’s. Al Barnes—Well, girls, you aren’t going to quarrel over Van any more* are you? The Girls—No, Al! Al Barnes—Then it’s us for the tall sycamores this afternoon. Booking Agent (entering)—So long, everybody. Be good! (Copyright, 1914. by W. Q. Chapman.)

“Van Ness Always Was Clever, b’ Jove!”