Evening Republican, Volume 18, Number 158, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 7 July 1914 — AT THE BOOKING OFFICE [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

AT THE BOOKING OFFICE

OFF-STAGE COMEDIES

by Will Bradshaw

TINY, ALGY AND MINNIE GET IN WRONG__ Tiny O’Toole (of the Dancing Dolls) —Say, Algy, you can’t tell me you come over here because the king’s cousin wanted to marry you and your family objected. Algy (late of the ’Alls) —W’y can’t I? I’ll give y’ the lady’s riime in a minute. Don’t I look as if I ’ad some romance connected with me? W’y do you suppose I’m ’iding myself with a lot of ’am actors and actresses? Egbert Vancoover (small parts)— How dare you, sir, to speak of us as hams? I’d let you know Tm from an old and respected family in New York. Then father lost his fortune and we children were cast out on the cruel world. I thank heaven I had a voice, but my brother Wallie wasn’tso gifted. Tiny O’Toole —Lucky guy, there’s nothing to keep him from doing regularwork. Egbert Vancoover —He’s only a business man getting SIO,OOO a year. Poor Wallis' Tiny O’Toole —Just 9,500 more than you, huh? Kid, your voice ain’t a gift, it’s a misfortune. ; Algy—’E’s got a ripping voice. thing. ’E’s never on key. Minnie Mintz (property man’s wife) —He’s got a combination voice; you don’t need no key. Fritz, my husband, told me our show would be out yet if that frog wasn’t with us. Algy—W’y did y’ keep the bounder? Minnie Mintz —The producer is his uncle, and his fiancee thinks he’s an actor, ■ ■ , • _ Tiny O’Toole—His fiancee? Who’s

goin’ to marry a chorus man without a cent? Egbert Vancoover —Without a cent, maybe, but wait, m’ dears. Algy—’E’s full of pipe dreams, th’ laddie is, pon me word. Dad Wadell (who knew Booth —by sight)—Millions were within my grasp one time—but let us pass on — Ena Claire (comedienne) —You had a chance at the coin, Dad? Tell us about it. Dad Wadell —It was back in the early days when I was the Idol of the hour in “Henry the Eighth.” Tiny O’Toole —One nighters? Dad Wadell —No, madam. In New York we had a run of half a fortnight. Algy—Some run, I should s'y not! Dad Wadell —At that time the Princess Palais, a close relation of Napoleon, was seeing our country Incognito. She saw me in my part at the Casino one night and her heart was lost. We met again at a reception given at the home of the wealthy -gentleman who owned the horses that drew the Broadway street car at that time. It was love at first sight. Algy—She must ’avp ’ad a cinder in each eye.

Dad Wadell —I was smitten with her charm and she with mine. I proposed and was accepted. Our plans were laid fqr the future and the place of our honeymoon was to be her chalet on the Seine. Tiny O’Toole —This sounds like a scenario in three reels. Dad Wadell —The emperdfir, through his system of espionage, heard of our attachment 1 and ——“— Minnie Mintz —Was he going to kill you right away? Dad Wadell —I think that was his intention; he wanted me to lead his army at Sedan. Minnie Mintz—That’s just like my Fritz. He was a bareback rider with old man Robinson’s show when he seen me at Evansville as I was standing by my father’s butcher shop. When the parade was back at the lot he come over to the shop, got acquainted with father, gave him two passes and told him to bring his handsome daughter with him. Algy—Did y’ 'ave a sister, Minnie? Minnie Mintz—At the show that night Fritz fell off a horse and broke his leg. Algy—The ’orse’s? Minnie Mintz—No, Fritz’s. He had to stay In Evansville for six weeks and we was married at the. little church across firm the Orpheum; I forget the name of ' it. Fritz wculd never have met me, onlf in Germany

they wanted him to join the army like Dad. . ■ —Algy—’E wasted 'is life. ’E might be a general now’. W’y didn’t J e lota? x Minnie Mintz —He was so proud he was ashamed to been seen as a private in public. That’s what he told tae, but I think he’s a nobleman of som< kind. I canjhardly wait till he die{ to find out if he’s got a secret. Dad Wadell—lt wouldn't surprise me if he is the son of some proud miller or shoemaker. Ena Claire —Say, crowd, don’t we run across a lot of romance in this game? It seems everyone has a story tjuried somewhere. HefeTE Minnie" don’t know but maybe Fritz will spring it that he’s a duke or something like that, and Dad Wadell had a princess gone on him.. Algy —W’at about me own little ’lstory?

Tiny O’Toole —Maybe y’ think mine wouldn’t sound like L. G. Libby in a paper cover. But Steve was only a soft-shoe dancer. Egbert Vancoover —Dear me, I don’t say much, but the tangled threads of my romance could be woven into— Tiny O’Toole —A ten-minute act fol a sidewalk comedian. I’ll bet you’re makln’that girl you’re engaged to believe you’re heading’ your own company— She’s in Boston, she has no way of findin’ out. Algy—lt’s a shime. Get a piece of paper an’ we’ll write ’er now, Tiny. Fancy ’er throwin’ ’erself away. Some time w’en I’m in Boston I may meet ’er if she ain’t gone an’ married. Egbert Vancoover —Beast! If you and I ever meet In France it shall be pistols for two. Ena Claire—Egbert, don’t you dare

shoot him if you meet In France. Don’t lower yourself. It Isn’t the kind of publicity uncle wants now that he’s investing all that money in a hew show built around you. Tiny O’Toble —Is he putting out a new show? Ena Claire —That’s what he is. He sent Egbert and me to browse around here today to get some nice congenial people to work with Egbert. But — Algy—l s’y, Egbert, you ’ave a voice that will be ’eard all over the world. Y’ ’ave a wider range than anyone I know. An’ ’is stage presence is better still. Ain’t y’ got a bit for me in the piece? Tiny O’Toole —Egbert is the best juvenile we have on the boards. He’s right there in all departments. Got anything for me. Eg? Minnie Mintz —That Egbert is a wonder. That’s what Fritz and me always say. He’s what the people pay to see when they want their money’s worth. Can Fritz take the preps, Egbert? ’ Dad Wadell —Mr. Vancoover Jjb th® makings of an Irving. Algy—Egbert Is all — Egbert Vancoover —Cease, y<u Piccadilly super! I shall not forget your unkind words to me. And also Tiny O’Toole and Minnie Mintz for calling mo a frog. Ena Claire —Come, Egbert, dear. Uncle will be waiting for us. There is none here we can use except Dad Warden. Booking Agent (entering)—Out, everybody; this is the night the scrub ladles come. (Copyright, 1914, by W. G. Chapman, Dramatic Rights Reserved.)

“’E’s Got a Ripping Voice. Sounds Like Someone Ripping Something. ‘ E’s Never on Key.”