Evening Republican, Volume 18, Number 83, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 7 April 1914 — THE WOMAN WHO HELPED HER HUSBAND [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

THE WOMAN WHO HELPED HER HUSBAND

There was once a Woman whose Husband Depended on the State of the Market for his Daily Toast. One Day he Appeared before Her with a Sad Countenance. *- “All is Over, my Dear,” said-he. “Wheat is’Way Down, and I Doubt if after To-morrow we shall have More than Ten Thousand a Year to Live On. lam Sorry that I Married you to Drag you Down to This, but I must Tell you Sooner or Latep. lam a Ruined Man.” “Nay, do not Lose Heart,” said his Wife. “Can you not Speculate Further?” "I Cannot,” he replied, “for I have Lost my Nerve. My Friends Urge to Throw what I Have into Com, but I Dare Not. Five

Thousand a Year would Hardly buy Croquettes for Two. I would Better Keep what I have Saved from the Smash.’? “At any rate,” said she, “Come Out and Have some Lunch. Let us Go to Sherry’s and get a Nice Little Bird; then you will Feel Better.” “Bird!” exclaimed her Husband. “Unhappy Woman, if you see Anything Better than Boiled Chicken and Beef a la Mode for the Best of Your Life, you will Do Well. In My present Frame of Mind I would Suggest an Owl Lunch-cart” “Let us have One Good Meal, at least,” urged his Wife, “Before we Die to the World. I have Twenty Dollars in my Purse. I will Buy our Lunch with that After that the Owl Lunch.” “Very Well, for the Last Time,” replied her Husband. They then went to an Expensive Restaurant and Ate a more than Satisfactory Luncheon. At the end of it her Husband said: “I think Better of that Corn than I Did.” Then he went Back to Wall Street and Made Sixty Thousand Dollarr in Thirty-eUrht Minutes. Thia teaches us that Digestion is the Better Part of Valor.

“I AM A RUINED MAN.”